Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Most Predictable Idol Win Ever

The finalists are singing a song that Joshua already killed DEAD earlier in the season. And they are all wearing white, as per usual. The worst part of this is that I have to see DeAndre's hair. The judges spared no article of shiny and over the top clothing in determining the attire for the finale. Ryan Seacrest looks like he's going to prom. 132 million people voted. Phillip looks like he escaped from a mental institution in those white clothes. Phillip is going to sing with John Fogerty from CCR. Finally, a relevant musician guesting on American Idol! Oh, and they let Phillip put on non-white clothes. Good. This is just marvelous. Sure, it's not the most technically amazing performance, but it's so Phillip and it's just easy. Phillip gets to talk! He's introducing "Bad Moon Rising." This is just awesome. I'm rewinding because Paul is missing this. Now he's watching. And he just said, "Phillip could do a cover of CCR and I wouldn't hate it." This is a big deal, because Paul loooooooooooooves CCR. Almost as much as he loves me. And that's a lot. So he says. He's singing along. I feel like the choker John Fogerty is wearing is to hide the fact that he is actually headless. Like if the choker wasn't there his head would roll away from the rest of him. Paul says that's true. Now I'm even more freaked out. That was awesome. Seriously and fuh reals. All the terrible auditions are being relived. Why? Why must you do this to us? They were painful when they happened and they're painful now. Joshua is going to sing "Take Me to the Pilot" by Lady Elton John. He is wearing a jacket made of tin foil and Christmas tinsel. Fantasia is singing now. And she, I can't find the words to describe how she looks. This is also a very strange song and performance. I did not really enjoy it. Boo. Edit to add: I agree. She needs a friend or a mirror. OH MY GOODNESS! Jimmy Iovine calls Jennifer Lopez Jessica instead. I love it! Why do I love it so much? Because for YEARS I have been mistakenly called Jennifer. But my name is Jessica. FINALLY, the tables have turned on the Jennifers of the world! VINDICATION FOR JESSICAS WORLDWIDE!!!!! Too much?? Apparently Jimmy has a daughter named Jessica. no excuse. Erika Van Pelt went back to blonde. Good move. Elise is still awesome. I think the goal of tonight's finale is to be as sparkly as possible. Shannon is still very emotive and very pitchy dawg and freakishly tall. Bebica decided to join the ladies of the top 12. Just long enough to sing approximately 6 words before being interrupted by Chaka Khan. Why are there so many unitards on this show??? Sue Sylvester is getting DOWN with her bad self. I am just thoroughly confused by all of this. Paul: "That compilation of women really IS every woman!" The Ford Music Video is a compilation of all of the Ford Music Videos. Since it would have been awkward to do a video with just Bebica since Phillip has to have dialysis or whatever. Which does not necessarily mean he got sympathy votes. I think it's actually because he's original and not boring. Phillip's music mentor is his brother in law. Normal. Bebica's music mentor is her family friend who is exceptionally older than her and seems slightly grabby. Not normal. They get new cars. So do Phillip and Bebica. Rihanna needs an entire performance to herself. I do not support this. Fastforwarding. Skylar is going to sing "Turn on the Radio." Which means Reba will join her. Which I fully support. Afro fiddle guy!!!!!! YES!!!!! As Paul said, if any of the women deserve to be in the finale it's Skylar. That's right SKYLAR! NOT HOLLIE. That was awesomazing. That's a combo of awesome and amazing. Steven Tyler's dressing room. He has a sloth. And an old lady and man making out. Ew. And other various oddities. Bebica is singing "I Will Always Love You." They sure are setting her up to win aren't they? Too bad they're wrong. Now the boys are singing. I almost called them men. But that would be wrong. Oh, I still hate Colton's voice. And they're singing Neil Diamond so I don't have a lot of hope for this. Who is that kid between Joshua and DeAndre's Hair? Oh, yeah. Jeremy. DeAndre's hair is even more annoying than it was during the season. At least the guys are not sparkly. Joshua is attempting to redeem this. Too little, too late. Where is Neil? We need Neil. Here he is. Finally. He is old. So old he can't sing. :( That was kind of difficult to watch. They are now making fun of Randy saying people can sing the phonebook. By having the contestants sing the phone book. It's hilarity. Jenny from the Block is performing twice. SELENAS!!!!!!! She is also sparkly. And apparently this first song will be involved in the movie Step Up Revolution. Eventually they will have a Step Up with your walker. I mean really, how many Step Ups do you need? It's turning into Die Hard or Friday the 13th or Saw or Batman. Now Jenny from the Block is not wearing a shirt and telling me to jump. No. You cannot make me jump. That was disturbing. Ace Young and Diana DeGarmo are dating. They were on American Idol a million years ago. And now they're engaged, after some very awkward product placement. That was incredibly strange. I hope Ace cuts his hair. Hollie is singing "You Never Walk Alone" which is a song from one of my favorite musicals. So I'm going to have to fast it's Jordin Sparks. This is a very strange pairing. It could also mean that no major superstars wanted to sing with Hollie. Paul just said Jordin's hair is longer than Hollie. HA! Robin Gibb died. We're sad. And we're trying to kill me by butchering BeeGees songs. Fastforward. Bebica is performing with Jennifer Holliday "And I Am Telling You." Jennifer Holliday has a very very large mouth. And it's making me laugh so hard. I'm weeping openly I'm laughing so hard. I can't even hear the performance. Holy. I just fell on the floor I was laughing so hard. And Paul is choking to death. Oh seriously, if you fastforwarded through that, please go YouTube it. You will not be sorry. Her face! Her Face! HER FACE! Aerosmith! Stop. It. NOW! May not be my cup of tea per SE, but come on, Steven Tyler and Joe Perry= Legen (wait for it) dary! Sweet. Demi Lovato and Britney Spears are judging X Factor now? What the? Demi Lovato is approximately 7 and Britney is about as stable as Iran. Bebica and Phillip are singing "Love Lifts Us Up Where We Belong." Can we just finish this now? I have ice cream waiting. Here comes Edward with the results. They are official. They are counted. And they are certified. No hanging chads here, people. Phillip Phillips wins! DUH! White guy with guitar, FOR THE WIN! Scotty McReery is about to hand Phillip the white guy guitar so he can officially be the white guy with a guitar who won American Idol. He is going to sing, "Home" again. Which is great. Yay. I'm glad he won. Even if he is a white guy with a guitar.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

White Guy With Guitar For The Win!

We're jumping right in tonight , folks. Bebica is up first singing "I Have Nothing" by Whitney Houston, which was selected by Simon Fuller. So it's a predictable, boring ballad, as per usual. The notes were all great, but it was just boring and didn't get me up off the couch. The judges will tell us what they thought after Round 1 is completed. Oh shoot. I'm watching live. That means I have to watch commercials. Blech. Phillip is going to sing "Stand By Me" by Ben E. King. Most people will not enjoy this. Like my husband. I, however, love it. I love that he's changed it just enough to make it original, but kept it close to the melody in parts so it is still recognizable. The judges say Bebica and Phillip are opposites of each other. Well, yes, when you consider that one is good and one is not. One is original and one is karaoke. One is a musician the other is a copycat. But other than that they're completely the same. The judges also say Bebica won Round 1. Incorrect. Jason DeRulo's song that everyone in America helped him write because he can't write his own songs is premiering tonight. I'm good. Bebica is singing "The Prayer" which is her favorite performance of the season. Shocking. It's a ballad. There were nice notes, but still....YAWN. Phillip is singing "Movin' out" by Billy Joel. He is also singing with his friend the Sax Player Lady. I loved this performance when he did it the first time, and I love it now. The judges can't decide who won that round. Phillip. Phillip won that round. Because he didn't sing the same thing he sings all. the. time. Bebica is singing a song called "Change Nothing" which is what she will release if she wins. SHOCKER. It's a ballad-esque song. Randy Yo Dawg: "I didn't like the song, but you brought the song to life, but the song was just ok." Me: "Ok, so her performance was just ok then. If the song was bad, but she brought it to life, but you still thought the song was bad, then it was bad." Jenny from the Block: "That song was a pop ballad, and I wouldn't have said that should be your first single." Me: "What? She only sings pop ballads." Steven Tyler: "I know how good you sing. The song was poop." That's basically what he said. Bebica agrees with them that the song was poop but she wanted to pick a song that showcased her voice but if she ever makes a record she won't do songs like that one. Huh? She has no idea what she wants to sing. She always sings songs like that. Apparently we're going to try The Ricki Lake show again. That seems unneccessary. Phillip is singing a song called "Home." And it's great. The drumline is awesome. The song is awesome. It's right up his alley. He chose correctly. He also just won American Idol. Randy Yo Dawg: "I loved everything about it. Mumford and Sons." Jenny from the Block: "I couldn't think of anyone it sounded like, because I don't listen to real music." Steven Tyler: "You have made this place your home. I heard Paul Simon." So apparently, Jenny from the Block just wasn't listening. So there you go. That was quick and easy, unlike what the finale undoubtedly will be. Bebica should not be in this finale. Phillip should win.

Thursday, May 17, 2012


Top 3 results. The top 3 sang “Got to Get You Into My Life.” It was strange. Joshua and Bebica did a weird Ford commercial. Turns out Phillip is not in the commercials because he has to have dialysis. Yikes. Jimmy says Joshua’s first song last night was great and he’s the best showman of the remaining contestants. Jimmy says “Imagine” is a beautiful song but the wrong song for Joshua last night. Jimmy says “No More Drama” didn’t have enough melody for Joshua to mess around with. Jimmy picked that song for him, so I don’t know why that’s surprising. But at least Jimmy took responsibility for it. Jimmy says Joshua should 100% be in anyone’s finale. The top 3 and Hollie went and sang a song for the new Ice Age propaganda film that is coming out. Lisa Marie Presley is singing. Random. Apparently she is trapped in some sort of Alice in Wonderland/Jack Sparrow time warp. She also looks like she may be drunk. Or channeling Stevie Nicks. Priscilla Presley was in the audience too. Jimmy says Bebica needed a shock and awe moment in her first song and she didn’t have one. Jimmy says Bebica did not have a great moment in her Aerosmith song either. Jimmy says he didn’t think of the fact that Bebica would have to sing both Jermaine and Michael’s parts on “I’ll Be There.” SWEET! ADAM LAMBERT IS PERFORMING! I’ll be not sitting here, not listening to that travesty to humankind. First we need to hear from the peanut gallery about Donna Summer dying. It was sad. They all agreed. Now….Lamebert. Jimmy thought Phillip's first song was good. Not great, but good. Jimmy thought his second song was a “snoozefest.” And Jimmy thought Phillip won the night with “We’ve Got Tonight.” Here we go. The finale will be…. Bebica and…… Phillip!!!! White guy with a guitar for the win! Phillip will win this. Promise. Joshua is singing “This is a Man’s Man’s Man’s World.” I’m telling you, he is amazing. Chills. Repeated chills.

We're Almost Done!

Top 3 will perform 3 times. First, judges picks. Joshua Ledet sang "I'd Rather Go Blind", which Randy Yo Dawg chose for him. He killed it. 9/10 stars. The judges all loved it. I was eating ice cream so I can't exactly paraphrase what they said. Bebica Sanchez sang "My All" by Mariah Carey, which Jenny from the Block chose. Predictable. It was a nice vocal, but I'm "not jumping up and down" as Randy Yo Dawg says. Randy Yo Dawg: "Absolutely beautiful, perfect song for you. I work with Mariah, she's my girl. It's one of the best times a Mariah song has ever been performed on TV." The other two judges loved it but my computer deleted their comments. Oh, and Steven Tyler predicted Bebica will win. So she won't even make the finale. Phillip Phillips is singing "Beggin" by MadCon, which Steven chose for him. This is a strange song choice for him, but I like this song on the whole. Jenny from the Block: “I love that Steven said we picked this song because it has a great melody, but you can’t help it, you’ve just gotta mess witit.” And yes, she went all Jenny from the Block and said “witit.” Because the “h” would have required too much effort. I’m just going to drop “h’s” randomly wenever Jenny from te Block talks. See wat I did tere? Steven Tyler: “You are being smacked in the face with a spotlight. And it’s a beautiful thing.” Randy Yo Dawg liked it too, but my computer deleted what I was typing and I missed it. And I’m too lazy to rewind. Ryan asks the judges who won that round. Randy Yo Dawg says Joshua won. Jenny from the Block says it was Pillip. No h. Steven Tyler rambles about the side of the street, crawling into a song and getting inside yourself, and eventually says he’s on the fence. Round 2: Contestants Choice Joshua went home to Louisiana. Westlake Louisiana. There was a parade. He went to church. There was a pirate filming it on an iPhone. He is quite charismatic on stage. Unbelievable. He is singing the worst song in the history of the world. “Imagine” by John Lennon. Yes, John, let’s imagine a socialist society….oh wait, that may not be too much of a stretch. But I will say that in spite of the atrocity of this song, he has a phenomenal voice. Steven Tyler: “Another thank you God moment. “ Except there is no God in that song. That was Paul’s add-in.” Jenny from the Block: “It’s like you were preacing wile you were singing. But tere are three people in tis finale, and tey are tree different voices, and I am good at mat. But your performance quality is special.” Randy Yo Dawg: “Why did you pick this terrible song?” Joshua: “I wanted to just carry the message.” Randy Yo Dawg: “I’m glad you said that. Carry that with you. Keep singing what you mean.” If Joshua means we should all be communists he is dead to me. Bebica went home to Chula Vista. She got stalked by boys. She landed in Petco Park. Go Padres. There are a LOT of people clamoring to see her. She is going to sing “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” by Aerosmith. Which is the band that Steven Tyler is in. So that’s either a really stupid move or a very huge risk that will have a great payoff. That was a decent vocal. The last note was not so hot. Steven Tyler is standing. Which I suppose is a big deal. Steven Tyler: “You just took a great song and made it greater.” Jenny from the Block: “Tat was amazing, you did really great. Te note at the end sent everybody into the eavens.” Me: “No.” Randy Yo Dawg: “I was waiting on a big moment, and you delivered.” Phillip went home to Leesburg, GA. There are a lot of people in a small area of the airport. His Dad is sweet. He is proud of Phillip for doing what he loves with integrity. He is also packing. Phillip is singing “Disease” by Matchbox 20. Complete with his trusty strangely attractive saxophone player. I had never heard that song, but he made me enjoy it. I just find his musicianship refreshing, I think. It’s not just cut and dry. Jenny from the Block: “It was an easy-going performance. But it wasn’t te WOW performance tat we need and want.” Steven Tyler: “I feel the same way. It wasn’t over the top it was Phillip Phillips. You have the bug. Hold it close to your chest and get used to it because you never will.” Randy Yo Dawg: “It was just ok.” The judges are confusing me, especially Steven Tyler. Round 3…Jimmy’s picks. Joshua is going to sing “No More Drama” by Mary J. Blige. Jimmy says he thinks Joshua can take us to church in this song. The guy background singer looks like Danny Gokey. I definitely have had chills a couple times watching this. That was incredible. I really want him to win. Really, really badly. Randy Yo Dawg: “At this point it doesn’t matter what you sing, you have laid everything there is to lay on this stage. You are a natural performer.” Why we need to keep cutting to Hollie Cavanagh and DeAndre Makemesick is beyond me. Jenny from the Block: “You ave this perfect marriage of knowing exactly wat you’re doing and letting completely go at the same time.” Apparently his in-ears fell off. And this is a big deal. Apparently. Steven Tyler: “Did you not see how much Jennifer went off? That’s what you did. I watched you and felt the last 40 years of music business. It was over the top. Over the top.” Steven says that a lot. I don’t think it means what he thinks it means. Jimmy asked Bebica to sing “I’ll Be There” by the Jackson 5. This was really boring for me for you for everyone. It just seemed really copycat. Steven Tyler: “That song reminds me of “don’t bore us, get to the chorus”, it was gorgeous, over the top.” Jenny from the Block: “You sounded like Micael! It was amazing.” Randy Yo Dawg: “I liked it ok. I didn’t love it for me. There was never a moment moment. It needed a moment moment moment. I would have preferred the Mariah version.” I agree with Randy Yo Dawg. It was a fine vocal. But it was super boring. Which pretty much defines her with rare exceptions. Jimmy picked “We’ve Got Tonight” by Bob Seger for Phillip. This is so simple and beautiful. He has such a great voice. Very simple and sweet and gorgeous. The judges agree with me. DeAndre appears to be confused. He just figured out why he was eliminated. Because he’s terrible. Randy Yo Dawg: “Perfect song at the perfect song and your best performance on the show ever.” I don’t know that I would agree with THAT. But it was really good. Jenny from the Block: “I know one ting, tere are 20 million girls out tere who wis you were singing tat song to tem.” I know two things. Jenny from the Block is probably one of those 20 million. And judging from Hollie fanning Shannon Magrane’s face, Shannon is too. Steven Tyler: “Expletives. Let them bleep it.” So here’s the deal. I feel like America will probably screw this up royally and put Bebica in the finale against Phillip. But the finale SHOULD be Phillip and Joshua. That’s how I would have voted. But we’ll see what America says.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Top 4 Perform and Hollie Cavanagh Sings for the Last Time I Hope: Edit: PEACE OUT HOLLIE!

Jenny from the Block looks like she rolled around in a tub of glue and then rolled around in a tub of glitter. At least she's wearing something on her bottom half, as opposed to Cristina on The Voice finale. That was atrocious. The top 4 are going to sing 2 songs. First they will sing songs by bands from California or about California (weird). Then they will sing a song they wish they had written. Phillip did not think he would make it through the audition round. His family is encouraging. Except last week his BIL told him "Time of the Season" was not good. Which was true. He is singing "Have You Ever Seen the Rain?" by CCR. He is accompanied by The Most Emotionally Involved Saxophonist in the History of American Idol. This is remarkably copycat for Phillip Phillips. Although I do like the syncopation in the second verse. That's nice. I also enjoy the organ. Anyway, that was fine. Probably like a 7/10 stars for me for you. Steven Tyler: "The road to success is always under construction." Jenny from the Block: "You sang like that with cottonmouth? You sound like Joe Cocker." Randy Yo Dawg (who looks like an old lady's couch): "It started out rough, but then you smiled, and you fell into the money and it was sensational from that moment on out. When you have a good time, we all have a good time." Me: "It was fine, it was a little more copycat than I would like. I feel like maybe he's getting overconfident. But what do I know, right? I also think Hollie is the worst of the bunch." Speaking of Hollie, she is going to sing "Faithfully." Oh fantastic, it's my nightmare. A Journey song. I predict a ton of namedropping from Randy Yo Dawg. He played bass for Journey, you know. He's never mentioned it, I realize, but this reporter has done extensive research and discovered that this is the case. Hollie is discussing how she auditioned last year, finally. Why no one has mentioned this before now, I have no idea. This is actually a decent performance. I'm not jumping up and down exactly, but it's a good vocal. I'd say it's about a 6/10 I guess what I don't like about her is that she is very calculated. Like I don't sense the passion behind her singing. She's too scientific about it. Like after her long note just there she put the mic down and looked over her shoulder, it just seems so calculated, like she was already planning her next moment. Randy Yo Dawg: "You're peaking at the right time, Jennifer challenged you and you've been slaying us every week, I love that song, I was in Journey, you know. I loved my time with them. Steve Perry." Me: "She's been slaying us every week? I must not have been watching every week." Jenny from the Block: "I'm going to cry because of your journey. I'm very clever." Steven Tyler: "You have blossomed and creativity is a delicate flower and you make it bloom with positive affirmations. Like Jennifer. Over the top." Hollie had to have someone explain the meaning of that song to her. Uh. I don't really know how to respond to that. Jason DeRulo has a broken neck and wants me to write his song. Nope. Write your own stinkin' song. Joshua is going to sing "You Raise Me Up." Also, Joshua apparently auditioned last year in N.O. They must not have shown his audition. I feel like I would have remembered that. He and his family are deathly afraid of flying. This is awesome. 9/10. His voice is just flawless. Jenny from the Block: "The whole world knows what I think of Joshua already. This is going to be interesting because we have amazing singers. I knew this top 4 was going to happen." Me: "Oh shut up, you did not know Hollie would be in the top 4." Steven Tyler: "I'm glad you got on the plane. You are the plane. You sang your tush off. Fear is courage that said it's prayers. You say your prayers." Randy Yo Dawg: "I never thought you would take Josh Groban to "chuch." You're an amazing artist with a ginormous career ahead of you." Joshua may win this whole thing. Bebica has no skill other than singing. At least that's how I interpreted what she just said. She is singing "Steal Away" by Etta James. Why does she feel the need to sing songs by people who are either dead or close to it? She's 16 years old. You wanna talk about a 1 trick pony? The only thing she does different is sing songs that are different tempos. Other than that, she is ALWAYS growling, ALWAYS singing songs that are too old for her, ALWAYS gyrating provocatively, and ALWAYS using too much vibrato. Jenny from the Block: "You've been growling since you were how old? You are one of the best singers I've ever seen." Steven Tyler: "I loved it. I'm doing an Etta James song and you nailed it. You're shaking off the old you and changing." Me: "She hasn't changed at. all." Randy Yo Dawg: "I love that you are 16 and singing Etta James. You can sing anything. Everybody says "they can sing the phone book", you can sing the phone book." Me: "No one says that but you Randy Yo Dawg." This was about a 6/10. Phillip and Joshua are singing "This Love." I love this because there are two pianos. I hate this because they are WALKING ON THE PIANO. In spite of that blatant act of blasphemy, that was great. Steven Tyler: "Perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect. Brilliant. Perfect. Marriage. Perfect." Jenny from the Block: "It's hard to find songs you could sing together, but that was perfect, it would be like Adam Levine and Usher coming together." Me: "That's racist Jennifer. What do you think all white people and all black people look alike? GOSH!" Disclaimer: totally kidding. Please do not add me to the list of crazy people that pull the race card at every drop of the hat. Randy Yo Dawg: "It's a great song, Adam Levine and Maroon 5 sang the I don't know what out of it. I thought it sounded amazing." Then he did some weird accent thing. Joshua giggles in Phillip's presence. Just a statement. The Olympics commercial about Mother's makes me hope Landry is an Olympian. Bebica and Hollie are singing some "Eternal Flame." They are also swinging on large strands of fabric. This is nonsense. That was a hot mess. Randy Yo Dawg: "That was a little strange for me. I just didn't like it. I thought it was weird." I wish that the judges said that more frequently. Just, I thought it was weird. That's all. Nothing else. Jenny from the Block: "I don't know if it was that bad." Steven Tyler: "You just didn't sing your song the way they sang their song. That's all." I'm cracking up because Phillip and Joshua are swinging on those stupid swings while the judges are giving feedback. The contestants got to see "Rock of Ages" footage with Adam Shankman and Julianne Hough. I like Adam Shankman on SYTYCD. I would potentially enjoy this movie if it weren't for Tom Cruise. As it is, though, Tom Cruise is possibly the most annoying person on the face of the Earth. Plus he's an idiot. Ryan is talking to Adam Shankman who claims that Tom Cruise can sing. Ryan is dating Julianne Hough. So now he is acting like he is going to propose, but really he just wants Julianne to pass a note to Tom Cruise. Which is interesting. Just a statement. Now the Top 4 are singing a song together. What is happening? Why aren't we just doing the performances? It's like all filler all the time. It's ridiculous. I'm not watching this. Phillip Phillips is excited to jam with his guys at home, and eat at something called "El Maya." He is going to sing "Volcano" by Damien Rice. Jimmy says it's exactly right. I've never heard this song. I enjoy this performance though. The cellist. The background singer. It was really UNIQUE and pretty. 8/10. Steven Tyler: "I agree with Jimmy, I heard the musician. You sang like you dug the way you sung." Me: "What?" Jenny from the Block: "Very few people could have pulled that off on a competition show like this. It's a testament to who you are. For me, it was one of the most beautiful poignant moments. The girls helped too. The singer and the, the musician." Me: "It's a cellist. I know it's hard for someone who only uses electronic music from a computer to recognize musical instruments." Randy Yo Dawg: "Amazing, amazing, amazing." Hollie is going to sing "I Can't Make You Love Me." Nope. You definitely can NOT make me love you. Jimmy says she can't oversing. So this will undoubtedly fail. Oh, it's just such a going home song. It makes me smile. Did she even think about that when she chose this song? I mean seriously, "here in the dark, in these final hours, I can't make you love me, if you don't." Complete with the choir teacher hand showing me the pitch. Speaking of pitch, that key change was so off-key. I give this a 4/10 and that's being generous. Steven Tyler: "Jimmy was right you have to have gone through a bunch of things to sing it. It's not about singing the words it's about how you say them." Jenny from the Block: "I feel like you knew it had to be emotional and there was too much vibrato. For me for you it wasn't as good." Me: "The for me for you is spreading!" Randy Yo Dawg: "You're not Bonnie Raitt, you're not that kind of singer. It was the wrong choice at the wrong time, there were no moments." Hollie loved the song and she felt it, so the rest of us can go jump off a bridge, apparently. Jenny from the Block is performing tomorrow night. I hope she's wearing clothes. Joshua is singing "It's a Man's Man's Man's World." This will be phenomenal. Wow. Goodness gracious that was incredible. If anyone says otherwise they just simply were not listening. Steven Tyler: "I've never heard anything like that in my life." Jenny from the Block: "We thought we had seen everything you had to give. We hadn't. I have to speak Spanish "pasion", "corazon"." Me: "That's not really difficult to translate, J-Lo. You can't do better than that?" Randy Yo Dawg: "This is a time where you have to forget what everyone else is doing. That was one of the best performances of any singing show, including ours. If anyone needs to know how to connect to a song, watch Joshua Ledet, he's taking everybody to school." The judges say they went to church. Ryan wants to know where Joshua's transformation comes from. Instead of taking the opportunity to say, "God" he says he doesn't know. That's disappointing. Bebica is singing Jennifer Holliday's "I'm Telling You." Bebica says she's singing it because she got saved. Not "got saved" like found Jesus, "got saved" like did not get eliminated. Jimmy says this could be the performance that wins it for her. This really is phenomenal. She is SUCH a better singer than Hollie. Steven Tyler: "Another winning performance. That's what we were talking about, getting out of yourself. That's what you just did. Congratulations." Jenny from the Block: "I don't know who's going to win. There's nothing to say. So I'll keep talking." Me: "That is such a pet peeve." Randy Yo Dawg: "I don't know what's going on tonight but you, Joshua, and Phillip are now in it to win it. I'm finally saying it. Julian Lennon is in the house." Me: "Wow. That's John Lennon's kid. Weird." Results: The contestants sang "California Dreamin'." It was as awkward as it sounds. Ford Commercial. No one cares. Why isn't Phillip ever in the commercials? Jimmy says Phillip Phillips found his true identity. Jimmy says he would sign Phillip if he had seen him at a club randomly. Ryan is tricking everyone and not actually giving results. Jimmy says Hollie's annoying habits worked in "Faithfully" but "I Can't Make You Love Me" was terrible. Jimmy said she did not understand the song and she crashed and burned. David Cook is performing. He's great. Jimmy says Joshua did too much to "You Raise Me Up" and it let him down. I disagree. But I sort of see what he's saying. Jimmy says Joshua created a piece of magic that is very rarely seen on American Idol. And Jimmy wants to see it repeatedly. Jimmy says Bebica did a great job but impersonating an old jazz singer was not a good idea. He also said what I said about doing the same thing over and over. Jimmy says her second song was flawless because she brought everything in the correct proportions. Jimmy also says he has no idea who will win. Jenny from the Block performed. She wore clothes. It was whatever. The judges all said random things about the contestants. Bebica is safe. Joshua is safe. Hollie and Phillip. Phillip is not necessarily the bottom 2. Interesting. Phillip is safe. Hollie is finally gone. VINDICATION!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Hollie Cavanagh Has Singlehandedly Ruined American Idol

Jenny from the Block and Steven Tyler tried to match tonight. That's cute. Joshua is up first. Jimmy says Joshua's first performance was great and his second performance was the best performance on American Idol. Joshua wants to make a record of music that touches people. Matt is doing lights instead of Kieran, it's freaking me out. Joshua is safe. Duh. Ford Music Video. Don't care. Phillip was not in the commercial. That's weird. Coldplay! It's Paul's favorite band! I also enjoy them immensely. Hollie and Phillip are up. Jimmy says Hollie needed a game-changer. He also says her first song was believable and she didn't try to replicate Tina Turner. I have a feeling he may have hated Bebica's first song...He says she was neutral on her second song and he thinks she will be safe this week. Thereby singlehandedly ruining this season. Jimmy says Phillip should be commended because he is really sick. He also says he thinks Phillip did bland songs and he is coasting at this point. Jimmy also wisely says, "In order to win, you have to be willing to fail." He thinks Phillip should go home. Jimmy is killing me. Hollie is in the bottom two. At least there is some justice. Carrie Underwood (otherwise known as one of three actually talented Idol winners)is performing. She's awesome. Anyway, Skylar and Bebica are up. Jimmy says Skylar is a fighter. He thinks she did well in the first song. He also thinks her second performance was strange. But HE DOES NOT THINK SHE SHOULD GO HOME THIS WEEK. Jimmy thinks she needs to pick better songs. Jimmy says Bebica singing "You are so Beautiful" was magnificent. He also thinks that her first song was too mature, too racy and it hurt her. Jimmy also thinks that Bebica's dress was not appropriate for her. Ryan thinks Jennifer Lopez will be able to speak to that. Yes, because Jennifer Lopez is the go to person for all things involving appropriate attire for females. She's never worn scandalous clothing in public. Jennifer Lopez says that middle America is frumpy and doesn't know what's stylish. That's basically what she said. No lie. Paul is just continuously singing "toottoottoot, toottoottoot" and claiming that "Proud Mary" should not have been allowed since Tina Turner did not perform it in the 60's. Bebica is safe. Skylar is in the bottom 2. Further indicating that Hollie Cavanagh has singlehandedly destroyed American Idol. Coldplay gets to play again. Hooray. Final Results. Hollie is safe. Skylar is going home. Which is stupid and completely not the right result. Seriously. I mean, I'll admit that Hollie was good last night. But if you look back at ALL of the performances, Skylar is 1000x the performer of Bebica and Hollie combined. It's fine. She'll be fine. Hollie will be gone next week. Mark my words. Oh, and she will have mediocre success at best. Skylar on the other hand will probably have a bigger career than the last three Idol WINNERS combined. America got this one 1,000% wrong. Oh, and also, Skylar has gunpowder and lead people, ya'll better watch yo' backs! Kidding.

British American Idol

This week the contestants will sing British songs. Why, you may ask? Because American musicians for the most part are terrible. Seriously though, the best part about this week is that there can be no Lady Gaga or Katy Perry songs. The worst part is that Adele is from Britain. Blast! as the Brits would say. I can't believe there are only 5 kidlets left. Oh, the contestants are also going to sing 60's music. That'll be wonderful. Steven Van Zant (guitarist for Bruce Springsteen and the E Street band) is the mentor. He was also in "The Sopranos." He seems scary. Hollie is first. She's singing "River Deep, Mountain High" for her 60's song. Steven Van Zant (affectionately called Stevey Z) says not to try to please people. I do not hate this in the least. But that could just be because I'm diggin' the horn section on this song. I'll tell you what I DO hate is Hollie's choice in earrings. Those are terrible. But that performance was not terrible. It wasn't my favorite thing in the world, and I'm not ready to go all crazy and say she is the "best vocalist," but it was good. Steven Tyler: "It was the first time I've ever heard you use your blues. I knew you had it in you, thank You Lord." Jenny from the Block: "It was nice to see you surrounded by a bigger production, you bit the second verse, it was a different type of Hollie, I could feel you." Randy Yo Dawg: "You guys both loved it, right? I loved it too! You gotta do it like there's nobody watchin'." Hollie is settling in. Better late than never I suppose. Phillip is singing "The Letter" by The Boxtops. Stevey Z tells Phillip to keep being different and tells Jimmy to leave him alone because "he's good and this isn't a Miss America pageant." I love this. I know a lot of people aren't going to enjoy it. But I would urge those people to think outside the box (like Taco Bell) and see originality as something to be appreciated instead of something to think is "weird" or "strange." Randy Yo Dawg: "Bunch of discussion, Box Tops, you made it new for me in your own way and I loved it." He actually said a lot more than just that but it was rambly and convoluted. Jenny from the Block: "I don't know the original song, so I don't know what I'm talking about. You're a dynamic performer." Steven Tyler: "Good news, bad news. Bad news: I miss the melody. Good news: You get away with it. Like the Stones. You wave your freak flag." Randy Yo Dawg: "At least he strives to be original." Me: "Word!" Phillip Phillips has a girlfriend. Which Ryan Seacrest is pleased about. Skylar was going to sing "Knock on Wood" and Stevey Z said nope. She's doing CCR "Fortunate Son." Paul is excited. That was decent. Paul is shrugging. I'm worried about her. Jenny from the Block: "How you feelin'? I think they have to hold you back backstage. You make the crowd go crazy. It's natural for you." Steven Tyler: "You love music and music loves you. I like when you boot scoot. It was fabulous, even your dress. I love it. I love it." Randy Yo Dawg: "One of the greatest bands in the history of music, Creedence Clearwater, Fogerty and the boys, amazing, I mean, amazing. You were so comfortable, so in your element. You like to do this the best, don't you?" Skylar: "Yes sir." Randy Yo Dawg: "You should call me sir, Ryan." Ryan Seacrest: "I didn't realize you were 90." I'm very excited for the new MIB movie. Joshua and Philip are going to do a duet. They are singing "You've Lost that Lovin' Feeling." Is this weird to anyone but me? Are they singing to each other? Are they singing to the world as a whole? I will say, the bridge was amazing. Bebica is singing "Proud Mary." Why do I always feel like I'm watching karaoke when she sings? I feel like she has been in a lot of karaoke bars. Paul hates people who impersonate Tina Turner. And he hates the Tina Turner version of a CCR song. So he really loved that performance. Jenny from the Block: "You're so grown up there. I thought we would be missing the Janis Joplin-y because Elise was gone. You were a little bit of Tina, a little bit of Beyonce. I forget that you're 16." Steven Tyler: "You started off slow and you brought it up, it was great. I heard the blues. Ike and Tina Turner!" Randy Yo Dawg: "Ike and Tina Turner, Ike and Tina Turner. This performance was oooookaaaay for me, you took on the biggest dragon of the night. The thing that pulled it out for me was your voice. Tina Turner sweated the stage." Jenny from the Block: "You can't compare a 16 year old to Tina Turner." Me: "Then perhaps she should not have done the Tina Turner version of that song." Also of note? Tina Turner didn't perform that song in the 60's. CCR did. Joshua is next and he is singing "Ain't Too Proud to Beg." Perfect. The background singers are getting their workout this evening. Paul is trying to emulate them. And I am dying laughing. This is, as expected, a fantastic performance. Steven Tyler: "You gotta be one of the top two idols of all time. It was hard to concentrate with background singers that pretty. You're such a talent." Me: "Who is the other one?" Jenny from the Block: "You're like a throwback from another era. You're sick. I don't know what to say to you." Randy Yo Dawg: " There was a guy from England named Terrence Trent Darby, you could bring R&B back, because it's been missing from our musical landscape for a minute." Me: "It has?" Ryan wants to know what kind of flower that is that Joshua is wearing. He says he thinks it's a tulip. Ryan is an idiot. Randy says Hollie, Skylar and Joshua have won round 1. Jenny from the Block says Joshua and Skylar. Steven Tyler says Joshua, Skylar....and Hollie. Randy and Steven Tyler are on drugs. I say Joshua won round 1 by a mile. And now we will be crossing the pond. OMGravy! Carrie Underwood AND Coldplay will be on tomorrow night's show. That's fantastic. The only way it would be more fantastic would be if Bebica or Hollie got voted off. Hollie is going to sing "Bleeding Love." I knew somebody would sing Leona Lewis. This song is great. It always reminds me of an amazing SYTYCD routine. That was actually really good. I wish that she had gone up to the high notes like the original, but it was really good. She has started to redeem herself. I would prefer Bebica to go home over her. Steven Tyler: "I loved it. You nailed it, and I don't know that song." Jenny from the Block: "Stevey Z gave you good advice to sing to one person. It was intimate and you surprised yourself." Randy Yo Dawg: " Uh, Steven, let me give you the history of this song with what I like to call NameDrop 101: This was a big song written by Ryan Tenor from One Republic, huge hit for Leona Lewis, she came from another talent show by our lovely friend Mr. Simon Cowell. I was taken back to last season when she didn't make it. You've been the dark horse and you're peaking at the right time." I personally think she may be too late. But regardless, it was a really good performance. Phillip is singing "Time of the Season." That was fine. I prefer when he thinks outside the box, but this was probably a safe move on his part. I ate a snack while the judges talked, so I don't know exactly what they said. They liked it though. The girlies did a trio of "Your Love Keeps Lifting Me Higher." It was strange. Skylar is singing "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me" by Dusty Springfield. Huh. That had the potential for greatness but it was a little underwhelming for me for you. Randy Yo Dawg: "You are definitely peaking at the right time. Every time you get up, I believe you." Jenny from the Block: "You wanna win don't you? You just might. You know how to make it work." Steven Tyler: "Just more proof that it works when you work it. That was right that she was over here in the first British Invasion she was the first girl over here along with the Beatles, the Stones, the Animals, the Kinks." Me: "The namedropping is spreading!!! It's an epidemic!" Bebica is singing "You are so Beautiful" by Joe Cocker. Wow that was an incredible performance. And wow, her makeup is caked on. Steven Tyler: "You once again showed America just how beautiful your voice is. You're gonna be number 1, girl." Jenny from the Block: "How could we have let this girl go home? It reminded me of when you sang "I Will Always Love You." You captivated us." Randy Yo Dawg: "Round 1 I was sayin' whateverwhateverwhatever. Round 2? You're in the top of the leader board. Those that want to be singers and people that don't know, wanna know or do know (so everyone), the way you hold a straight note and then bring the vibrato at the end and it's so even. So good, so good, so good." Me: "So, you liked it Randy Yo Dawg?" Joshua is singing "To Love Somebody" by the BeeGees. This is an amazing performance again. The judges are up. That was seriously great. Randy Yo Dawg: "Wow. Let's give a big shoutout to Robin Gibb who's sick. The fact that you'd never heard it and you did THAT to it? That's what it's really ALL about. Your experience is beyond your age. You're one of the best singers ever on this show. No matter what goes down." Jenny from the Block: "There's so few people who can perform that way, that can bring so much passion and still have the voice. I think you're one of the greatest singers in....50's crazy, baby. Crazy!" Steven Tyler: "I can't say much more than they've already said. But I'll ramble on and on. And on." So there you have it. It gets difficult at this stage to figure out who the bottom three will be because there are usually a lot of good people. But my predictions based on tonight and past experience would be that...... Hollie will be in the bottom three. Phillip will be safe. Skylar will be in the bottom three. Bebica will be in the bottom three. Joshua will be safe. Going home: Hollie. I just don't think she saved herself fast enough.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Another One Bites the Dust

See what I did there? That's a Queen song. I'm very clever. We'll be left with the Top 5 after tonight. Very exciting. The Queen tribute band, "Queen Extravaganza" is performing "Somebody to Love" which explains why no one sang this last night. I thought for sure Hollie would try it. She should have, but that would have been too bold. These guys are just alright musically, but their gymnastics are stellar. Paul prefers Glee's version of this song. But really, is it even remotely possible to get anywhere close to as epic as Queen? No. Unless of course you have the original Queen people join you. Then it's pretty epic. In other news, J-Lo looks like she is wearing a crow as a dress. Ford music video. I do not want a car that opens the trunk when you kick the car. That seems not safe. The Idols went to TMZ. Which is kind of like sending them to visit Simon Cowell before he went all namby-pamby. They tell Phillip to own it when J-Lo says he's attractive, because he could be the new boy-toy. They harass Skylar about dating Colton and she does herself no favors by giggling like a school child. Joshua's nickname "Mantasia" is the name of a strip club. They all apparently live like pigs. Elise has the same problem I have where people think I'm mad all the time because I don't smile 24/7/365. Bebica has tons of Youtube videos. Bebica and Elise are up. They should both be in the bottom three. Jimmy says Bebica made a "plain ol' mistake" singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" but "Dance with my Father" was magnificent. I can basically agree with that. Jimmy says Elise picked the wrong Queen song and a wrong "I'll sing what I want" song. Where was Jimmy in this decision making process? Bebica is safe. Elise is in the bottom three. This does not bode well. Casey Abrams is fully embracing his hobbit. Stefano thinks he is Michael Jackson and/or Usher. If your song starts with "I got a fast pass" I'm not listening. Paul: "To say that he is D-list would imply that he has an opportunity to be on Celebrity Apprentice but he's not even that far up the list." Ouch. Hollie and Joshua are up. Hollie is "nehvous." She should be. Jimmy says Hollie subconsciously plead to the public to "Save Her" and got a B+. And he thought her singing "The Climb" was the best she could do. Sure, it was the best she could do. But the best she can do is not as good as what other people can do. Jimmy says Joshua was impressive with "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" and moved everyone with "Ready for Love." He thinks Joshua's intelligence could get him to the finals. And India Arie loved his song. Hollie is in the bottom three. Bam! Joshua is safe. Randy now has a necklace that says "Yo Yo Yo." That's awesome. You know what's NOT awesome. Katy Perry. I can't help but think her parents must be disappointed in the decisions she has made. Paul: "All the antics in the world do not make a song good." Skylar and Phillip are up. Neither of them should be in the bottom three. Paul thinks it's going to be Skylar. Jimmy says Skylar did a very, very, very good job with the first song, but the second song was not great. I would agree with that. Jimmy says Phillip is not feeling well and so he didn't have a lot of energy. And he liked that Phillip made the judges disagree. Jimmy says Phillip left an opening for someone other than Phillip to be in the finale. Skylar is in the bottom three. Boo. That's ridiculous. Skylar is safe. Either Hollie or Elise is going home. Elise is going home. Booooooo. Elise has a far superior voice and is a better performer overall. Hollie is very contrived and robotic when she performs. Her voice is good, but she's just really boring....for me, for you. :) And so, Hollie lives on. But not for long.

We Will...Try To...ROCK YOU! ROCK YOU!

My blog has a new set-up. I hate change. The format is all weird now. Strange. The contestants are going to sing the songs of Queen. This should be a phenomenal disaster. Randy Yo Dawg has a button that says "Yo!" Awesome. Jenny from the Block looks like a Hispanic Princess Leia all decked out in gold. And Steven Tyler, true to form, is wearing sparkles. Just all over sparkles. Brian May and Roger Taylor (people from Queen) are mentoring the contestants. That's kind of neat. Hollie has just realized that she doesn't perform well. Welcome to reality, Hollie. The Top 6 are singing a medley of Queen songs accompanied by May and Taylor. What are these fools gonna sing if they sing all the songs now? The standouts in this mashup are Skylar (shocking, actually!), Elise (no surprise there), and Joshua (also not a surprise). I would also like to take this opportunity to say that Paul loves Queen. He is currently singing along with "We are the Champions." But really, who DOESN'T love Queen? So many iconic songs...poor Freddie Mercury. Anyway, that was neat, but I have no idea what the contestants are supposed to sing now. Bebica Sanchez is up first. She is going to be an idiot and sing "Bohemian Rhapsody." She knows she has to cut the song down to 90 seconds, right? So she opts for the epic beginning, and then the epic ending, ignoring the meat and potatoes part of the song. I hated that. Hated, hated, hated it. That was THE stupidest song choice of the night and this is the first song. She sang it fine, I suppose, but it's just really ridiculous to take this song and try to chop it into 90 seconds. I mean, really, watch the video and then tell me that was a perfectly acceptable arrangement. Steven Tyler: "Freddie Mercury would be proud to hear that." Me: "No. Freddie Mercury would say, "what happened to the rest of my song???"" Jenny from the Block: "You have on sneakers. You must run when you wear sneakers." Randy Yo Dawg: "You need to channel Tina Turner when you do rock songs, but you can do rock songs." Namedrop: 1 Skylar Laine is up next. She writes songs. Alrighty. She's singing "The Show Must Go On." I have never heard this song. So I don't have a frame of reference. But I do love this performance. She has a fantastic voice and is a fantastic performer, which is what American Idol is supposed to produce. I would also like to add, the string section is on stage and I do not see the vampire stalker guy from last week. Skylar must have staked him. Steven Tyler: "It was over the top. It was fabulous." Jenny from the Block: "I definitely really got goosies during that song, the word that comes to mind, and a bunch of other stuff that is not related to the word that comes to mind, and then it was powerful. Powerful." Me: "So...what was the word?" Randy Yo Dawg: "I think it's one of your best performances to date. She's gotta have it Ryan!" Me: "I prefer in it to win it. Gotta have it reminds me of Coldstone." Ryan thinks he can play piano. No Ryan, it's not that easy. Joshua is singing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love." This is a Queen song? I feel like this is a really safe choice for Joshua. He could have done a better song. This was a fine performance, but I don't think it was the right song. Clearly, the judges disagree with me. Randy Yo Dawg: "Yo, that was unbelievable. We stood up. 4 checks. You remind me of Sam Cooke, Wilson Pickett, Davey." Name drop: 4 Jenny from the Block: "The Joshua part of the show is my favorite part of the show. I know I'm going to get an inspired vocal and a great performance." Steven Tyler: "You have a classic style that sounds like nobody else." Me: "If it's classic, it has to sound like something that has already happened, no?" Also, Steven Tyler seems to be channeling Freddie Mercury from the Great Beyond, with all of his references to how Freddie would feel about the contestants tonight. Elise is singing "I Want it All." This is the perfect week for Elise. That was awesome. Steven Tyler: "That was over the top. You sang it exactly right." Jenny from the Block: "The whole thing came together for you." Randy Yo Dawg: "Who would've thunk it? What a great night! That style of song is so right for you, it allows you to do your Janis thing, one of your best performances to date." Namedrop: 5 Phillip is singing "Fat Bottomed Girls." I called this last night. This is THE best song choice of the night. Absolutely, 100% correct song choice for him. His old man shuffle freaks Paul out. That was super fun and really good. Steven Tyler: "Inappropriate comment about fat bottomed girls while addressing Jenny from the Block. I love watching you sing, I love watching you run out of breath. It was great, beautiful." Jenny from the Block: "I love so many things about you. You give us so many flavors, even though you sing songs and they sound the same and they're yours, but we see a different side of you." Me: "Jenny from the Block has no idea what she just said." Randy Yo Dawg: "Uh, Yo, I wasn't jumping up and down, but it was good." Hollie is singing "Save Me." I have never heard this song. Hollie is wearing a pantsuit. A satin pantsuit. This is boring. Also, she's begging everyone to save her. This is seriously a safe and boring performance. Blah. She should be done this week. Steven Tyler: "I love the way you sing a Queen song, which is old fashioned with a real strong melody which I miss." Jenny from the Block: "You got emotional. Right?" Hollie: "I just learned it. So then I learned it. And then I learned it and connected with it when I learned it." Jenny from the Block: "Yeah, you went off a little when you got emotional. You were thinking again." Except she didn't say it that concisely. Randy Yo Dawg: "You didn't have a moment in that song for me for you." FOR ME FOR YOU!!!! Ahhhh, memories. Hollie has also just realized she can't just keep being "good" or "okay" she needs to be great. She is just learning so much! The judges say Skylar won round 1. I would agree with that. Bebica chose to sing "Dance with my Father." Her Dad is in the military. So that's awesome. The contestants had to describe Jessica, and Phillip is hilarious. That was a really beautiful performance. Jenny from the Block: "Luther Vandross is one of my favorite singers. That may have been the best I've ever heard that song sang. The feeling and vocal ability was amazing." Steven Tyler: "I don't think you can sing a song bad. Your voice is so different than anybody else's. But it's kind of like Whitney." Randy Yo Dawg: "Yo, I think all of you are ready to jump on the charts. You are truly amazing, you are natural. There is nothing wrong about the way you sing." Skylar chose to sing, I have no idea what she is singing. It was pretty good. Randy Yo Dawg: "I'm a ginormous fan. That's bigger than giant." Jenny from the Block: "You're comfortable up there." Steven Tyler: "Find songs that take your voice to that place." I was just kind of ambivalent about that performance, really. I mean it was good, but there was not a standout moment for me for you. :) Skylar has a feather tattoo on her wrist that represents to her that her problems are as light as a feather because God holds them for her. That sounds a lot like Matthew 11:28-32. Awesome! Joshua chose to sing, why won't they tell us what these people are singing? That's annoying. His voice is ridiculous. He has such rang to his voice and such control. It's beautiful. The judges are up again, but this time they have good reason. Randy Yo Dawg: "I'm speechless. But I'm going to ramble on and on about you." Jenny from the Block: "I don't know what to say either. That was transcendent." Steven Tyler: "I'm snapped into reality by the way you sing, but then I go out of reality and go somewhere else." Elise is up next. I have no idea what she's singing either. But there are a lot of lyrics involved. That was a strange song. Steven Tyler: "I love the Janis Joplin about you, I always have. And I love Jimi Hendrix, but you have to sing song's people know. You can't pick cherries with your back to the tree." Me: "Where do I start? a) Steven Tyler seems to be doing some namedropping this evening. b) Now I know why the song was strange (because it's Jimi Hendrix) c) Steven Tyler is also waxing poetic." Jenny from the Block: "You slayed that song so hard, it doesn't matter that people don't know it." Randy Yo Dawg: "I'm a fan of Hendrix and of you, but I felt like it was the wrong song for you. You made it too complicated. I can only understand simple melodies. Like Journey songs." Phillip is next. I don't know what he's singing either. I have a question. Where do they find these relatively attractive female musicians to play with Phillip every week? It's strange. I like this song, I don't know what it is, but I like it. Steven Tyler: "Off the wall. Very Phillip Phillips." Jenny from the Block: "It was a pretty song, but it was too obscure and artsy." Me: "So it wasn't cookie cutter and boring. Like Bebica." Randy Yo Dawg: "I disagree. I thought it was great." Me: "I agree with Randy." Hollie is next. She is very sensitive about her accent. She's singing Miley Cyrus "The Climb." I hope she goes home. It was fine. But it was so BORING and SAFE. Do something innovat....WHY ARE THE JUDGES STANDING? That was such a boring performance!!!! Randy Yo Dawg: "Hollie is back!" Jenny from the Block: "That's what we wanted." Steven Tyler: "You sing a song like it's going out of style." Hollie thinks that song has powerful lyrics and a strong meaning. But the judges don't want innovative song selections like Phillip does week after week. Sigh. So frustrating. Bottom three should be: Bebica Sanchez, Hollie Cavanagh and probably Elise Testone. Going home: honestly, any of the three of them could be done. But I hope it's Hollie. Then next week, get rid of Bebica. Then I'm happy with any of the rest of them winning. The judges think they need to explain to us the voting system. We know. We're not idiots. Well, most of us aren't.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Dee. Light. Ful.

They are promising another shock. Which means Hollie, Elise, and Skylar will all be safe.

Taylor Hicks is in the audience. The old man that won American Idol.

53 million votes came in last night. Some of those were ours. We had to make sure Joshua and Phillip stay.

Oh yay. A group song. The camera man just fell asleep or something. And no one turned Bebica's mike on. That's a problem. Now they are all being attacked by balloons. That was silly.

Ford Music Video. These videos do absolutely nothing to convince me to buy a Ford.

Hollie says nothing has changed now that the save has been used. I'd say that's false. Now that the save has been used, everyone put forth at least a little bit more effort. Even Hollie.

Joshua and Hollie are up first. Hollie should be in the bottom.

Jimmy says Joshua did himself a lot of good by staying in his wheelhouse.

Jimmy says Hollie came out of her shell but not enough.

Joshua has anxiety and almost didn't get on the plane. He should get help for that.

Joshua is safe. But Ryan tried to give him a heart attack. Which is not a nice thing to do to someone with anxiety.

Hollie is on the Tool Stools.

Taylor Hicks is possibly intoxicated. Katherine McPhee should have won that season.

Kris Allen (the man who slayed the beast who shall not be named and for this we are forever indebted) is performing. He's playing piano. And spinning around while doing so. This song does nothing for me for you. Sorry Kris. You're still better than the beast who shall not be named.

Skylar and Elise are up. Elise should be in the bottom.

Jimmy says Skylar delivered the Marvin Gaye song, Elise did not. Also, he says Elise is going home. And he says Elise needs to sing potent rock songs and he says Skylar is the best performer on the show so far.

Elise thinks the judges and Jimmy are harder on her than everyone else because she's older. Stop complaining. You're being propelled to fame, you should be able to handle criticism.

Skylar is safe. Elise is in the bottom three.

Why do we need an entire episode of Glee set to Whitney Houston? It's just not necessary.

Dick Clark died. So we need to discuss that. In great depth. It is sad though. Very few decent entertainers like him.

Case in point: whatever LMFAO is. I will not be watching this. And Phillip Phillip looks like he would rather not watch it either.

Phillip, Jessica, and Colton are up. Colton should be in the bottom three. Or possibly Bebica.

Jimmy says Bebica sings songs that are too old for her. That is true.

Jimmy also says Phillip did amazing with Usher but was hit or miss with Midnight Hour.

Jimmy also says Colton was totally disappointing.

For Colton to get to the finale, he needs to regroup and choose better songs. Phillip should be in the finale. For Bebica to get in the finale, she needs to pick songs that are more appropriate for her age. This is all according to Jimmy.

Bebica is safe.

Colton is in the bottom three. Phillip is safe.

Hooray! Two of the three I would be happy with parting with.

Elise is safe. And something fishy is going on between Elise and Ryan Seacrest. What is happening?

I would be fine with either Hollie or Colton going home.

Colton is done! Whoa.

Colton says some craziness about he's sorry for not being himself.

And now he's singing the worship song that he did a few weeks ago. Only this time he's actually singing it like it's a worship song. And I suddenly feel like Colton may have been genuine the whole time.

Anyway, on to next week.

Addendum 1: In my previous blog posting I referred to Joshua as (the black guy). I do this for the benefit of one faithful reader of this blog, since said reader cannot remember who Joshua is when American Idol is discussed on a weekly basis. Neither I nor said reader are racist. Said reader just has a terrible time with names.

Addendum 2: My husband (Paul) fictitiously gambled money on the fact that Colton would go home. I'm pretty sure that he is psychic.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Now and Then

It was so draMAtic that they saved Bebica last week! I mean, who would have thought they would SAVE the girl they ALL seem to LOVE?!?!?! I just can't beLIEVE it!

Dick Clark died. And that's sad. In other news, Ryan Seacrest will continue to do NYE from Times Square all by his lonesome.

Tommy Hilfiger has once again ruined everyone's style. Well, everyone but Phillip. Phillip still refuses to conform.

Each contestant is singing 2 songs. First, a song from 2000's to now. Second, a "soul song" from "back in the day." This promises to be horrifying.

Hollie is first. She's stupid enough to sing an Adele song. Not just any Adele song, "Rolling in the Deep." Hollie has 20 things run through her head when she's on stage. Which is funny that she says 20 because normally people say "a million" or "tons." 20 seems like not very many things. NappyTabs has something to do with this show? What? It was really just a matter of time before someone attempted this song. Shame it had to be Hollie. It does make me laugh that she is always standing on that little platform. Also she is wearing weird pantskirts like an old lady would wear. Tommy failed. Steven Tyler: “It was perfect.” Jenny from the Block: “That’s what we mean when we say no thinking! Great job not thinking!” Randy Yo Dawg: “I’m not going to say it was perfect, but it was close to perfect. For the first time ever you had feeling, you had emotion, you’ve arrived, Hollie, VERY well done.” Me: “I guess I just didn’t see it.” Hollie says she’s been singing this song for so long. Her and every other wannabe in every other karaoke bar.
Colton is up next. Ryan feels the need to point out that his sister who “actually” auditioned is in the audience. And he needs to point out that Colton “didn’t want” to audition in the first place, which absolutely no one believes. His sister (Skylar) is just so proud of him, and thinks it’s, like, so weird and ohmigosh she’s not sure if she’ll come back next season. Colton says he’s missing the rock element so he’s going to make sure to do a rock song. Colton is dead to me. He’s singing Lady Gag. Lady Gag =/= rock. Lady Gag = ripoff of other people’s songs. Jimmy says that Lady Gag lifts people. Lady Gag does not lift me, she makes me want to jump off of things. At least Jimmy acknowledges that Colton has the female vote on his side. This is equally as terrible as the original. The best part about it is the girl drummer. Randy Yo Dawg: “We were just at the Colton Dixon CONcert right there! You were in the zone. I don’t know if it was the greatest performance. The key was a little low, but you had it so you could have the high notes. Which is what Jimmy said.” Jenny from the Block: “It was great. There were parts that I loved and parts that weren’t good, but it didn’t matter.” Me: “But it SHOULD matter. If there are bad parts, there are bad parts and that should be taken into consideration.” Steven Tyler: “You gotta get low to get high, I should know.”
Elise is up next. Jimmy tells her she has no fans, so she has to win people every week. Encouraging. She is singing “No One” by Alicia Keys. She appears to be wearing an orange tablecloth. Elise does have one of the best voices in this competition. Honestly, I would prefer her voice to Bebica OR Hollie. This was a pretty good performance. It was a great vocal, but just a little bit boring. Jenny from the Block: “You let go so naturally. First goosies of the night. Smile more.” Steven Tyler: “I love you lots. You sang your little tushy off, it was great, it was delicious.” Randy Yo Dawg: “You have a strong voice, you sang it great, you stayed with the melody for a change, this is one that just sings itself.” Elise’s dog is dying. That’s sad. Everyone vote for her.
Phillip is up next. He’s singing Usher? Huh? He’s singing “You Got it Bad.” That’s strange. Could it be as epic as David Cook and Billie Jean? Possibly. The sax girl is up there with him. I enjoy this tremendously. I loved that. The judges did too. Steven Tyler: “You fool us all the way down the line. No chump love, sucka!” Me: “What?” Jenny from the Block: “That was sexy.” Me: “And THAT was inappropriate. You’re 40 years old. He’s 20?” Randy Yo Dawg: “I smile when I see you. You’re a true artist.”
Bebica is up next. Jimmy says Bebica should not be in the bottom three if she sang “Yankee Doodle Dandy.” Bebica needs to connect emotionally, Jimmy says. Personally, I could take a little less emotion from her. She’s singing “Fallin” by Alicia Keys, which is possibly the most played out song in the last 12 years. Also, Bebica is ready for the impending thunderstorms, judging by all those umbrellas. Steven Tyler: “That song is like you’re mad. You sang it well.” Jenny from the Block: “You’re a baby and you were juggling balls in the air. I’m glad we saved you.” Randy Yo Dawg: “I don’t know if you know how good you really are. I love it. Brilliant. Alicia holla at the dawg!” Namedrop: 1? Maybe? Bebica claims that she thought the judges hated her and didn’t even want her to sing for her life. Everyone believes that as much as they believe that Colton didn’t want to audition.
Skylar is up next. Apparently, Lady Gag did a country version of “Born this Way.” That doesn’t mean it needs to be shared with the world. The fiddle player/violin player looks like he really would like to be in the Twilight movies. He’s got this creepy weird stalker vampire look in his eye. Ok, so here’s the situation. I love me some Skylar Laine and she can honestly sing the phone book for me for you. But I despise all things involving Lady Gag and so I’m torn. On the one hand, Skylar sang that well. On the other hand, she could have chosen 1,000,000,000,000,000 better songs than that. Jenny from the Block: “I love that version! A more perfect song for you does not exist.” Me: “False.” Steven Tyler: “I’m so glad you were born that way. You’re giving all the other girls a run for their money. A lot of people vote country and western and you can cross over.” Randy Yo Dawg: “You put your own spin on that. You are beyond ready.”
Joshua Ledet (the black guy) is up next. He is going to sing “I Believe” by Fantasia. Actually, it’s by whoever rights the really really lame finale song at the end of AI, because that’s the song Fantasia sang when she won. But anywho. This is full of wonderful gospel-y moments. That was strange. He ended in the middle of the chorus. What a stupid arrangement. Anyway, that was incredible. His voice is awesome. Randy Yo Dawg: “You stayed in the melody and you’re one of the most incredible talents.” Jenny from the Block: “You leave it all on the stage every single time. I feel blessed that you’re in this competition and we get to watch you.” Steven Tyler: “It’s another stepping stone to win. You could sing the phone book. There’s nothing else to say.” Ryan makes things so awkward sometimes….
Hollie reminds me of Polly Pocket. The Liverpool Football Club wishes Hollie luck. Okie doke.
Apparently the contestants are singing songs in homage to “Soul Train.” So I don’t really know what that means.
Hollie is singing “Son of a Preacher Man.” To which Paul says, “She’s an ambitious one, isn’t she?” And she’s returned to her very calculated movements. Oh, and her sharp notes, and her long drawn out endings. Randy Yo Dawg: “I was scared, but you worked it out.” Jenny from the Block: “This song was better than the first time, and you did really great then!” Steven Tyler: “I see it too. I heard it first, and I still think you can push it even more. I close my eyes when you’re singing and I picture you doing all this other stuff, but then you’re just standing there.” Me: “I enjoy Steven Tyler’s judging more than any other judge. It just makes zero sense.”
Colton is singing “September” by Earth, Wind, and Fire. I don’t know how I didn’t notice this before, but Colton and his sister now have at least sort of the same color hair. That ridiculous patch of red hair is silly. This is probably the most enjoyable performance of his. I still don’t want him to win, but I can appreciate that performance. Steven Tyler: “I love your voice, but you have to find the just right song. Your voice is a little too powerful.” Jenny from the Block: “I don’t know if that was the perfect performance. We love you making things your own.” Randy Yo Dawg: “You could have gone even more out of your comfort zone. You should have done Lil Wayne.” Namedrop: 2. Also, Lil Wayne counts as soul train? What?
Elise is singing “Let’s Get it On” and this is an amazing performance. I always find this song slightly awkward, but that was just all around enjoyable. Jenny from the Block: “You always sound so good, and I respect your voice and everything that you do. You don’t like to show emotion too much. I’d like to see more emotion. People want to see that you’re a human.” Paul: “No, no, no, the reason is that 70% of your voters are 13 years old.” Steven Tyler: “Take it up a notch. You have to find the songs that will win America’s heart.” Randy Yo Dawg: “That song choice wasn’t really right for your voice. It repeatedly tells me you don’t know what you’re doing. When Al Green, I mean, uh, uh, uh, when he did it, when Marvin Gaye did it….then a bunch of stuff that doesn’t matter because RANDY JACKSON MESSED UP HIS OWN NAME DROP!!!!!! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!” Namedrop: 4, but intended to only be 3.
Phillip is singing “In the Midnight Hour.” It was great. He kind of looks like a chicken when he moves around during his performances. Randy Yo Dawg: “Exactly what you need is always what you have.” Me: “Mr. Miyagi Jackson” Jenny from the Block: “I want to do that little step witchu.” Steven Tyler: “You’re brilliantly awkward.”
Bebica is singing “Try a Little Tenderness.” I’m genuinely concerned that she is going to hurt her vocal chords singing like that. It was just not pleasant to listen to. Steven Tyler: “I like that you’re steppin’ out.” Jenny from the Block: “We got a little bit of your alter ego. You need to work on connecting” Me: “There is no alter ego, it’s silly.” Randy Yo Dawg: “Yes, you need to work on connecting.” Me: “The judges just want people to have nervous breakdowns on stage.”
Skylar is singing “Heard it Through the Grapevine.” The stalker vampire guy is following her again. I enjoy this more than the other performance. Randy Yo Dawg: “This is interesting. You and Phillip have no problem connecting and feeling, you just do what you do. Every time you’re on stage there’s a party. Jenny from the Block: “You’re doing a good job up there the past few weeks, you should be proud.” Steven Tyler: “You’re a wild horse, you’re something else.”
Joshua (the black guy) is singing “A Change is Gonna Come.” That was really good. Jenny from the Block is jumping. Steven Tyler: “You had restraint in the beginning, which made it big when it popped. Your voice climbs inside of everybody.” Jenny from the Block: “You know exactly what you’re doing.” Randy Yo Dawg: “Sam Cooke sang quartet, which not many people know what that is.” Me: “Yes Randy, most people DO know what that is.” Randy Yo Dawg: “That was the perfect song for you. We have the best talent of any show on TV.”
Bottom three should be: Bebica, Hollie, Colton
Going home: Hollie or Bebica

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Songs of this songs of the last 2 years

Tommy Hilfiger can't seem to leave the contestants alone about how they dress. He's very concerned about it. I find him annoying.

The theme this week is songs from this "decade" which I think is ridiculous. This "decade" is 2010-now. That's not that long ago. I'll be counting how many people try to sing Adele or Lady Gaga.

Skylar lives in Brandon, Mississippi and her Grandpaw misses her. She wants to sing a Kellie Pickler song. Jimmy Iovine and Akon loved it. So I'm excited. Skylar also plays the guitar so she may play guitar. Jimmy tells her not to if it holds her back. She decided it did not hold her back. That was really good. She is officially a contender, I tell you. Randy Yo Dawg: "Yo. Dude. In your package, when you went home, I love those three little kids. This is the kind of music you should do. I felt you for the first time in a long time. So Skylar returns home to be this great country artist that she could be. It was almost picture perfect." Jenny from the Block: "It sounded like it was in perfect pitch. Felt you right from your soul." Steven Tyler: "When you sing a song it's a complete sentence. The crows may crow but the hens deliver the goods." Me: "Steven- crows and hens are not related. I think you mean roosters."

Colton lives in Murfreesboro, TN. He's going to sing "Love the Way You Lie." Did not expect that. Jimmy says it's between him and Phillip. Colton doesn't like to be compared to Phillip. Me: "There is no comparison, Colton. None at all." Jimmy actually meant Colton needs to pass Phillip up, which is not likely to happen. He's playing piano. This is pretty. But I just do not see the obsession with him, his voice, or anything about him. His voice is nasally and off-putting. I do enjoy the violinist with the Afro, though. Jenny from the Block: "You always surprise me with your approach to the notes, you do it in your way. It's so signature to you." Me: "It's so signature to all lead singers of all rock bands that are popular today, too. Something cannot be signature and sound like everyone else." Steven Tyler: "I love that jacket.You're a rare talent. You could have recorded that and let it go out to people. I also know that Colton hasn't found his top yet." Randy Yo Dawg: "Yo. That jacket is crazy, me and Steven would have bought that jacket together. Jimmy and Akon were right, I loved the subtle performance. It showed sensitivity."

Oh good. Duets again. Elise and Phillip are doing a duet again. They are singing "Someone I Used to Know." I like this song. Their voices are awesome together. I loved that. Steven Tyler: "I love that song. You sang it." Jenny from the Block: "That really worked. There was a bit of an imbalance. There's chemistry there." Randy Yo Dawg: "Gotye, could job." Namedrop: 1 Ryan asks, "Do you like each other? Like, like each other? Are you boyfriend and girlfriend?" No. They are just friends. Stop being 5, Ryan.

Jessica Sanchez lives in Chula Vista. I've been there! The Padres root for her. What?! She's singing "Stuttering" by Jasmine Sullivan. Who? Color me surprised, because I thought for sure she would do Adele. There's still hope though, Hollie could be stupid enough to try it. Akon thinks Jessica will win and has thought that since top 13. This song is strange. And she is rocking back and forth like a crazy girl. Oh, Bebica. She almost fell off that piano. Randy Yo Dawg: "A lot of people probably don't know I loved your arrangement cause I know "Stuttering" Jasmine Sullivan, but it was kind of an "As We Lay" Shirley Murdoch arrangement. You set the bar really high. That was superb." Namedrop: 3 Jenny from the Block: "That was really beautiful. You started digging." Steven Tyler: "Every time I hear you sing, I forget where I am. You're wearing Jennifer's shoes." Randy: "She killed a whale." Was it a killer whale?? I do not like killer whales. I have an irrational fear of them. At least I know it's irrational, right?

Joshua Ledet is wearing a pink shirt. He just turned 20. He lives in Westlake, LA. He's singing "Runaway Baby" by Bruno Mars. That was awesome. The judges are on their feet. That was just enjoyable and delightful. I love him. Steven Tyler: “You sell a song like a work of art. It’s cause your voice is so good. Get that girl’s number that was dancing behind you.” Jenny from the Block: “This is exactly what I was talking about, you just have so much control, you are a performer.” Randy Yo Dawg: “This was an unbelievable performance again from you. You’ve got the look. You’re in the zone. Ryan. He’s got to have it.” Uh. Josh’s Dad looks like my Uncle but with slightly different skin tone.
Skylar is lost. Oops.
Skylar and Colton are not dating. Quit asking them. They are however, singing a love song together. “Don’t You Wanna Stay” and Skylar is cleaning the floor with Colton. Which is appropriate, since he kind of looks like a broom. Her voice is awesome. Steven Tyler: “You just made love singing to each other, so it don’t much matter now, anyway.” Jenny from the Block: “The harmonies were incredible. You did a really nice job with it.” Randy Yo Dawg: “I love you both dearly, I thought that was ok for me.” Randy thinks they did equally well. Jenny from the Block says she doesn’t know either.
Hollie is going to sing Pink. She’s done. She lives in McKinney, TX. But she’s originally from England? Maybe? I still can’t figure that out. She’s singing “Perfect” by Pink. She’s going to have trouble with this if she can’t figure out how to say the word “Perfect.” This isn’t too terrible, actually. Jenny from the Block: “You look beautiful. I know you want to be perfect, you sang beautifully, you should be proud of yourself. I’m rooting for you.” Steven Tyler: “It’s not about being perfect, it wasn’t perfect for me, but you look good.” Randy Yo Dawg: “Uhhhhhhh……that was awkward……and now it’s more awkward… was stronger than last week. But I didn’t feel the feeling.” She’s done. Or at least she should be.
Phillip lives in Leesburg, GA. People are trying to buy his truck, his guitar, and a giant turkey from the pawn shop. He’s singing “Get a Little More” by Maroon 5. Paul called that Phillip would sing Maroon 5. I love this. As per usual. Steven Tyler: “The more you get serious with yourself the more you sing the melody and you look less like the Phillip Phillips we started with. You are like Steve McQueen/Johnny Cash and I love that.” Me: “Both of those people are awesome. So I concur.” Jenny from the Block: “I agree, it’s like Steve McQueen and Johnny Cash had a baby and that’s you.” Me: “Except not. Because Steve McQueen and Johnny Cash are not gay. Or female. So….” Jenny also said it was underwhelming. But she’s an idiot. Randy Yo Dawg: “I agree with Jennifer.” Randy is an idiot too.
Hollie, Jessica and Joshua are singing “Stronger” by Kelly Clarkson. I adore this song. I love the car commercial this song is on. This one: That was not as good as it should have been. I totally get the whole “Hollie you’re thinking too much” thing. Joshua was by far the best of the three.
Elise is dead to me. She’s doing Gaga. Or Cher. They’re actually the same person.
Elise loves Marshall from How I Met Your Mother.  That show is great, even if it does have a laugh track. Marshall loves her too, apparently. She lives in Kinnelon, NJ. Her friend made a tutorial about how to vote for her. She’s singing “You and I” by Gag. And yes, I know I missed an “a” on purpose. Jimmy and Akon say she needs to kill it. This is far superior to the original. Of course, I’m pretty sure that I would enjoy DeAndre’s performance of this song more than I enjoy Gaga’s. Well, actually, that may be a little far-fetched. That was pretty good. There were some trouble spots, but overall it was solid. Randy Yo Dawg: “Yo. Yo. America, Elise is back! That was the perfect song for you, you needed a moment, you got one tonight. Very dope vocals.” Jenny from the Block: “You did exactly what you wanted to do. You let go, but kept control at the same time, there’s nobody that can sing like you.” Steven Tyler: “You took a song that is simple and turned it into genius.” I feel like Elise might be a little crazy. Like, truly crazy.
Bottom three should be: Hollie, Colton, Bebica
Going home: Hollie
I can also see Elise going home, though.
Here we go:
James Durbin is here. I’m so happy. Can’t you tell from my tone of blog?
Also Jennifer Hudson. I do enjoy her.
That group performance was strange. Phillip stroking Colton’s hair was hilarious though.
I don’t care enough about the Ford commercial to rewind. Oh well.
Ok, this is stupid. Colton got invited to Prom by Katy in Wichita. Hollie got invited to Spring Formal by some dude. And Elise is giving out feather jewelry that was created by plucking poor helpless birds in South Carolina, from what I’ve gathered.
Hollie and Jessica are up.
Jimmy says Hollie and Jessica are both very good technical singers, but Hollie was contrived and stiff.
Oh we’re doing the stupid two groups thing. Dumb.
There is a new MIB movie coming out. That’s delightful.
James Durbin is singing a song called “Higher than Heaven.” This does not bode well. I’m going to take care of some business that is much more important than this. Oh good, I made it back in time to hear him scream…twice. He finally got married to the mother of his child. He starts touring at the Viper Room tonight. I’ve been there. It’s a nice, SMALL venue. So that’s quite the successful venue…
My husband loves Glee just because of Britney S Pierce.
Phillip and Elise. Elise goes with Hollie, Phillip goes with Bebica.
Jimmy says Elise and Philip are character singers and they have soul. Jimmy thinks Philip is in the bottom three. He also thinks Elise is in the bottom three. Elise is with Bebica, Phillip is with Hollie. This is not turning out well.
Jennifer Hudson is a true American Idol talent. I love her. That was really good.
Joshua and Colton are up. Joshua goes with Elise and Bebica. Colton goes with Hollie and Phillip.
Jimmy says Colton and Joshua were both amazing. This is true.
I am correct.
Jimmy says Skylar could get left behind but she’s a singer/songwriter and a technical singer and she should not be in the bottom three. Jimmy also thinks the bottom three should be Phillip, Elise, and Hollie.
The bottom three are Joshua, Elise, and Jessica. Holy. Cow. The save will probably be used tonight.
Steven says it will be used.
Joshua is safe.
Jessica is “at risk” but everybody knows they will save her. And they did.
She keeps saying she’s been working hard her whole life. She’s 17. She’s not even an adult.
Anyway, the save is out of the way. It worries me that Joshua was in the bottom three.
Upon review of this blog, I feel that I am obligated to say that Paul called that Jessica would be the one going home. He wanted to make sure all 2 of you knew that.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Keep Hope Alive!!!!

I am remaining hopeful that tonight will be the night that we rid ourselves of DeAndre Makemesick. Of course, he could be the next Sanjaya as one of my loyal followers pointed out today.

Oh. Em. Goodness. I just realized that I am older than both "Married with Children" and the Fox network. Wow.

I've said it once and I'll say it again, I do not understand the infatuation with Steven Tyler. He's old. He's possibly high. He has yucky hair. His coat looks like an old lady's couch. He has creepy lips.

Ryan wants to know who everyone voted for. You know what they all said? "AHHHHHHHHHHH"

Joshua does not feel well and he thinks he might faint. Which Ryan needs us all to discuss. In depth. Starting now.

One of my least favorite American Idol contestants ever is on the show. Kellie Pickler. Although, if I'm being ohnest, I don't despise her like I despise Those That Must Not Be Named. Jenny from the Block has a Mexican show and a new single which she just happens to be premiering tonight. It's about dancing. How original for her. 1,000,000 points to Ryan for pointing out that Jenny from the Block is dating a 13 year old dancer from her video. Ok, so he's not 13. But he may as well be.

And now the video. How is this appropriate for American Idol to air? They do know that small children watch this show, right? The blatant sexuality is just uncomfortable and uncalled for.

The Ford music video is probably a lot more appropriate than Jenny from the Nasty Block's. They are giants again. Taking things from the immediate area and putting it in a picture. I don't get it.

The Top 8 are already on the couches. AWWWWWW.....there is a bunch of little preschoolers in Vietnam that love Joshua. Here's what I don't understand. People in other countries vote for American Idol. Does no one see this as strange?

Jessica and Joshua are up. They are probably both safe.

Jimmy says Joshua has reined himself in appropriately and was a perfect 10 all around.

Jimmy says Bebica sang beautifully and understood the song completely, but it wasn't enough because she didn't pick the right song.

Joshua is safe. But Ryan felt like he needed to tell him he wasn't going to be happy and make it even worse for him as far as the whole fainting situation.

Bebica is safe. Called it.

Someone called "The Wanted" is performing. Turns out I love this song. I heard it on Glee. Which I'm still watching for inexplicable reasons. I need to know if Quinn is dead. So basically "The Wanted" is N'Sync. Oh, but these boys don't dance. One of them just said they were coming for J-Lo. Perhaps they're vying for the next spot in her Neverending Line-Up of Male Companions? Anyway, I've had enough of this performance.

Skylar and Colton are up. They should both be safe.

Jimmy says Skylar proved that she's a power singer and she went all the way to the top. He also thinks she could win the whole thing. That's what I said. Jimmy Iovine, get out of my head!

Jimmy says Colton was good, not great. He also says that just like in sports you don't have to be the best team, you just gotta be the better team that night. I agree. The best team doesn't always win the Super Bowl, they just happen to get there.

Hollie and DeAndre are up. They should both be in the bottom three.

Jimmy says Hollie is acting like she's a high school performer and last night wasn't even a good high school performance. He also says she may be fighting with DeAndre for who's packing for home.

Jimmy says DeAndre needs to grow at a much faster pace. He also says DeAndre could be going home unless Jenny from the Nasty Block saves him.

DeAndre is in the bottom three. One step closer. Wow, his sister looks like him. Poor girl.

Colton is safe. Oh, he has a cross on his shirt. He must really be a Christian. That's a definite sign of real Christianity.

Hollie and Skylar have been roomies for a while and they love each other and do each other's hair.

Hollie is in the bottom three. Called it.

Skylar is safe. Hallelujah (in the Joshua voice)

Kellie Pickler is a bonafide country powerhouse. She's friends with Taylor Swift. She is VERRRRRRY twangy. Kellie wants to know where Tammy Wynette is. Probably at home, not listening to that song. That would be my bet.

Jimmy says Phillip was just good. Jimmy also thinks that was his worst performance. What? No. Not true. Jimmy says if Phillip keeps still, the other contestants could pass him up. That's not possible. Phillip is too good.

Jimmy says Elise had the right song but did not sing it incredible. Jimmy also says she didn't even sing the tune and she choked.

Elise says she has a hard time singing in the lines. And also, she is channeling her inner warrior princess with that headband.

Phillip says he's not tryin' to walk around stage and touch people's hands. That cracked me up.

Elise is in the bottom three. I called that too.

Phillip is safe.

So DeAndre, Hollie, and Elise are in the bottom three. Given the fact that the girls are being kicked out repeatedly, I would bet Hollie or Elise goes home.

Hollie is safe. That means either Elise or DeAndre is out. Commence prayer vigil.

Steven thinks America got it wrong.

Jenny from the Block thinks America got it 1/2 wrong.

Randy Yo Dawg agrees with Jenny.

The person at risk is...... DeAndre. Please hold for victory dance. I did a victory dance. Ask Paul.

DeAndre is going to sing and the judges are going to possibly save him. He's singing the song that I don't think is in English. I'm also fairly certain that was a new record for hair flips. But I'm not rewatching that trash.

Oh, he's gotta put his hair up, so that he can dramatically swing his hair around.

Jenny from the Block only got one vote and therefore was outnumbered by the more logical members of the judging panel. And yes, saying Steven Tyler and Randy Yo Dawg are logical is humorous.

Well, that's refreshing.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Top 8 80's Week...oh no....

First, let me say, I was 5 when the 80's ended. I started kindergarten in 1989 at Whittier Elementary School in Hemet, CA. My teacher was Mrs. Martin. She was great. I know nothing about 80's music except that it involves many keyboards and large hair.

In the package about Heejun departing, Jessica Sanchez says, "It's down to the best of the best." I added, "and DeAndre." I really don't like that dude.

Ryan Seacrest shows a picture of a young Randy Yo Dawg in the 1980s and then claims that Randy has changed since then. Judging by Randy's shirt, I don't think that's true.

Gwen Stefani and Gwen Stefani's male Indian counterpart who claims to be the bassist for "No Doubt" are mentoring this week. Really? You couldn't find someone who actually performed in the 80's to mentor them?

DeAndre misses his car. With any luck, he'll be able to drive his lame hair home soon. He is singing "I Like It." Gwen says DeAndre always looks nervous. And she says even if it's horrible, he should act like it's great. He does that anyway. Jimmy says if he gets nervous, he'll fail. He is sitting with the audience. I'm counting hair flips. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. That is 8 too many hair flips...there was another one. 9. Nine too many. I do enjoy that song, but I do not enjoy DeAndre. Jenny from the Block: "I like it. I like it a lot. I'm very clever and everyone should respect me as someone who knows how to give constructive and useful criticism and advice." Steven Tyler: "I forgot where I was, I thought I was somewhere where munchkins don't sing, but evidently that crack I smoked in my dressing room has already kicked in, because I would have sworn I heard an oompa loompa just now." Randy Yo Dawg: "I enjoy Easter, because look at my shirt, it has eggs on it. El Debarge from El Debarge would love that. Be natural." Namedrop: 1 DeAndre says critique is a double edged sword. Paul wishes he had one of those, because he would fall on it.

Elise misses her band. She is singing "I Wanna Know What Love Is." Turns out, I know these songs. Looks like KOST 103 FM has done it's job. This was kind of an anti-climactic song. It was good, but it was a little lackluster. Steven Tyler: "I love your voice, but it wasn't the right song for you. 80's songs are 80's songs. So yeah." Jenny from the Block: "You look beautiful, you're look is developing. It wasn't totally right, every single moment, and that's what it was." Randy Yo Dawg: "It's a tough song to sing, it's one of my favorite songs ever. You never quite hit the pitch, it was not your greatest performance." Elise couldn't decide between all the wonderful 80's songs. Right.

There are duets this week. Why is this happening to us??

Colton and Skylar are the first duet. They are singing "Islands in the Stream." Skylar is mopping the floor with Colton. But I don't hate Colton as much as I usually do. Randy Yo Dawg: "That was interesting for Colton. It was very sweet and very nice there are alot of lyrics and melody in there. Which is weird for me because I usually love songs with no lyrics and no melody." Jenny from the Block: "Skylar I love that you don't oversing. Colton you made me uncomfortable but you were the perfect partner for her." Steven Tyler: "Match made in heaven."

Colton and Skylar are NOT dating. They are NOT. Stop ASKing.

Jason DeRulo can't write his own song so he wants me to do it. Nope.

Phillip misses his brother-in-law. That's sweet. He's going to sing "That's All" by Genesis. Indian Gwen told him to change some stuff and he did. Phillip is seriously killin' this. His brother-in-law played with him! That's amazing. Steven Tyler: "You love being you and it transcends and I'm high." Jenny from the Block: "The beginning was a little off but then it wasn't and I don't have anything to say." Randy Yo Dawg: "I could sense your comfort. I loved it. Tony Canal was brilliant." Namedrop: 2

Hollie and DeAndre are singing. Hollie thought she needed to dress thematically this evening. They're singing "I'm so Excited." My cousin-in-law (yes that's a thing) can do this Just Dance routine really well. This was just weird and lame. Steven loved it. Jenny from the Block was confused by it and apparently NappyTabs was involved in that. She also says DeAndre is right at home singing a girl song. Randy Yo Dawg finds them impressive.

Steven Tyler reminds us that he was high for most of the 80's. Jenny from the Block says DeAndre is standing out. There have also only been 3 performances. Randy Yo Dawg says the contestants have to sing the "I don't know what" outta whatevah. It would probably help the contestants if you told them what to sing outta whatevah.

Joshua Ledet is missing being a spoiled brat, apparently. That's what he said, people. He's singing "If You Don't Know Me By Now." It's concerning that I know all of these 80's songs. Those runs where he goes up and then way back down are to. die. for. The judges are up. Jenny from the Block: "Ask and ye shall receive, we asked for powerhouse and that's what we got. It was so beautiful. It was spectacular." Steven Tyler: "How can someone sing like you your age, what a perfect beautiful song. You sat in it. It wasn't over the top and it was way over the top. It was higher than I was in the 80's." Randy Yo Dawg: "It's very rare that I want to stand up from beginning to end. I don't care what the song is, but you sang it, dude. I think we found someone tonight who's gotta have it." Apparently, Randy Yo Dawg is not saying anyone is in it to win it this season. Joshua Ledet is emotionally drained from working 7 days a week. Dude. You're on a singing competition. I don't know if that qualifies as work.

Jessica Sanchez is missing being a normal teenager. She's singing a Whitney Houston song which I have never heard. HA! There is a keytar player. And she says she is BeBe Chez. Her new name? Bebica was told by Gwen not to do weird moves. Bebica did not listen. She too thought she needed to dress thematically with the neon shirt, the side pony, the weird denim jacket and the crazy big jewelry. Jenny from the Block: "Your choices are natural you're not a girl, not yet a woman." Steven Tyler: "Your voice is fantastic, everything you do is great." Randy Yo Dawg: "A song by Whitney Houston, those are big shoes to fill. The maturity in you is amazing." Namedrop: 3

Next duet is Phillip and Elise. So this will be amazing. They are singing "Stop Dragging my Heart around." And it's awesome.

Hollie misses her family and friends and her puppy. Hollie is singing "What A Feeling" from Flashdance. She is very into soundtrack songs. Technical difficulty. And we're on. If she starts dancing I'm going to LOL. She changed her clothes. LOL! SHE TOTALLY DANCED!!! This song is really lame. Am I wrong? No. No I am not. I do not feel Hollie. I don't know what it is. I just don't feel it. I don't think she feels it either. Steven Tyler: "You always arrive at the end, your pitch was all over the place, I'm so sorry to tell you." Jenny from the Block: "You're doing what everyone tells you to do. You have to forget what everyone is telling you to do. You need to pay attention to what everyone tells you to do and then forget about it." Randy Yo Dawg: "Both of them are correct, you have the talent, that's why we say things to you. Stop thinking, dang it!"

The last duet is Bebica and Joshua singing "I Knew You were Waiting for Me." Seriously and for real, that was in.cred.i.ble. I don't even care what the judges think. Randy Yo Dawg: "Aretha Franklin and George Michael." Name drop: 5 Jenny from the Block: "Final? Maybe?" Steven Tyler: "So over the top it defies judging."

Colton misses his hair gel. No he doesn't. He misses painting children's faces. What? He gets weirder and weirder. He is going to sing "Time after Time." I feel like I'm going to love this. Which bothers me. Ok I don't love it. I just kind of like it. His voice is just not that great, people. It's really not. It has a tendency to get nasally and screechy. Steven Tyler: "You could do a record right now. The drummer is awesome." Jenny from the Block: "I love the journey that one song can take you on. I really liked it." Randy Yo Dawg: "Yo. What you did tonight, Phillip Phillips, and Joshua, you made the song your own. The drummer is ridiculous."

Skylar misses everything. She is singing "Wind Beneath My Wings." I'm excited. This is the moment she becomes a contender. Yep. She just nailed that. I KNEW she'd turn it around. Randy Yo Dawg: "Wow, Skylar, Wow, Wow. It was beautiful. I think this is your best performance on the show." Jenny from the Block: "You just said, do not count me out." Steven Tyler: "That's the best song you could've picked for your voice and the end of the night." I still think Skylar could potentially win this thing.

So here's the situation


Bottom Three SHOULD be:
Jessica or Elise

Going home: hopefully DeAndre, but possibly Hollie