Thursday, May 3, 2012

Hollie Cavanagh Has Singlehandedly Ruined American Idol

Jenny from the Block and Steven Tyler tried to match tonight. That's cute. Joshua is up first. Jimmy says Joshua's first performance was great and his second performance was the best performance on American Idol. Joshua wants to make a record of music that touches people. Matt is doing lights instead of Kieran, it's freaking me out. Joshua is safe. Duh. Ford Music Video. Don't care. Phillip was not in the commercial. That's weird. Coldplay! It's Paul's favorite band! I also enjoy them immensely. Hollie and Phillip are up. Jimmy says Hollie needed a game-changer. He also says her first song was believable and she didn't try to replicate Tina Turner. I have a feeling he may have hated Bebica's first song...He says she was neutral on her second song and he thinks she will be safe this week. Thereby singlehandedly ruining this season. Jimmy says Phillip should be commended because he is really sick. He also says he thinks Phillip did bland songs and he is coasting at this point. Jimmy also wisely says, "In order to win, you have to be willing to fail." He thinks Phillip should go home. Jimmy is killing me. Hollie is in the bottom two. At least there is some justice. Carrie Underwood (otherwise known as one of three actually talented Idol winners)is performing. She's awesome. Anyway, Skylar and Bebica are up. Jimmy says Skylar is a fighter. He thinks she did well in the first song. He also thinks her second performance was strange. But HE DOES NOT THINK SHE SHOULD GO HOME THIS WEEK. Jimmy thinks she needs to pick better songs. Jimmy says Bebica singing "You are so Beautiful" was magnificent. He also thinks that her first song was too mature, too racy and it hurt her. Jimmy also thinks that Bebica's dress was not appropriate for her. Ryan thinks Jennifer Lopez will be able to speak to that. Yes, because Jennifer Lopez is the go to person for all things involving appropriate attire for females. She's never worn scandalous clothing in public. Jennifer Lopez says that middle America is frumpy and doesn't know what's stylish. That's basically what she said. No lie. Paul is just continuously singing "toottoottoot, toottoottoot" and claiming that "Proud Mary" should not have been allowed since Tina Turner did not perform it in the 60's. Bebica is safe. Skylar is in the bottom 2. Further indicating that Hollie Cavanagh has singlehandedly destroyed American Idol. Coldplay gets to play again. Hooray. Final Results. Hollie is safe. Skylar is going home. Which is stupid and completely not the right result. Seriously. I mean, I'll admit that Hollie was good last night. But if you look back at ALL of the performances, Skylar is 1000x the performer of Bebica and Hollie combined. It's fine. She'll be fine. Hollie will be gone next week. Mark my words. Oh, and she will have mediocre success at best. Skylar on the other hand will probably have a bigger career than the last three Idol WINNERS combined. America got this one 1,000% wrong. Oh, and also, Skylar has gunpowder and lead people, ya'll better watch yo' backs! Kidding.

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