Thursday, February 24, 2011

American Idol: against my better judgment

So, in spite of the atrocity of last night's episode, I am succumbing to the pressure and watching to see the final top 24.

Ryan is telling us how upset Jenny from the Block was about cutting Chris Medina for no good reason whatsoever. Here's my thought, the judges still have control of this whole shindig right? She does realize that no one held a gun to their heads and MADE them cut Chris Medina for no good reason whatsoever? So irritating. Anyway, I'll try to get over it enough to finish this episode.

Jenny from the Block can't stop crying. And we're rehashing last nights ridiculous elimination. They keep saying that his singing was inconsistent. When? When was it inconsistent? I heard him consistently sing better than the majority of these people.

Anyway, Karen Rodriguez is up. I like her. She sang a Selena song for her "last chance" song. It was pretty. I predict yes, but I wouldn't be surprised if they cut her and put a tone deaf rabbit in the top 24 at this point. She's in. The tone deaf rabbit will have to wait. I've lost track of how many spots are left. I like her.

Robbie Rosen is up. He's the one that supposedly could not walk, but there are no pictures of it. Just sayin'. I don't really care for him. I predict no. Which probably means he's in. He sang the most boring song I've ever heard for his "last chance" song. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.......ENOUGH!!!! Good gravy! He left it all out there. Good, so there's nothing left for you to spew all over the real stage. Steven tells him he's so good right out of the box. He's through. See? There is a good chance that tone deaf rabbit will make it in.

Tatynisa is up. This chick forgot her words in Hwood week. Why is she still here? She lost the words for "I Hope You Dance." I hope she stops being on American Idol. She sings flat, she misses words, she's just not good. Jenny from the Block tells her she can't have a bad day. I have a terrible feeling about this. Oh. My. Hay. She's in. How is that legal? Simon Cowell would have kicked her out after one shot missing lyrics. Heck, Paula Abdul would have kicked her out after one shot missing lyrics. That is bologna.

Brittney Mazour and Jimmy Allen are not in. Never heard them, but they're probably better than Tatynisa.

Tim Halperin. I enjoyed him recently during Hollywood week. And during Vegas. And he plays piano. I would love for him to make it. Good! He's in! I enjoy him.

Julie Zorrilla. I really like her alot. She wears fluffy skirts a lot, now that I'm seeing all the footage of her. I predict yes. I'm correct. Ok. That's promising. Whoa. She should not jump in that skirt. Little bit of a show going on there. And not a good show. Ha! She tried to pick Ryan up and almost fell over.

K...that's predictable. John Wayne Schulz and Scott McReery are going head to head. Lame sauce. Quite honestly, neither of them should make it as far as singing goes. But they're both sweet. Scotty is singing "The Long Black Train." It's really good. But then he ruins it with "Watch out Idol for that loong black traaain." Here he goes. The walk. Turns out, I've been spelling his name wrong this whole time. Scott McCreery. See? He admits that he was mean to Jacee. That he was not the man he should have been. Take that stupid Clint. HE'S IN!!!!!!!!!!!! I am fine with that decision.

John Wayne Schulz is out. Bummer-tude.

Jovany Baretto is up. He's the one that I always think is the other one. I always think he's Stefano. Oh, he's the ab guy. So he's probably in. Because dumb girls will vote for him. He's just a'ight for me for you. But he's in. Because dumb girls will vote for him.

12 spots left.

Lauren Turner. I recently noticed her, and I like her. I predict no, though. Because that's how it's been going. Wait. She's in?! That's awesome!!!!!!! :D One of her people passed out. It was a fake. That was a really good fake passing out. Yipes. Awkward turtle.

Tiwon Strong is out. He was still in? Cool! But bummer that he's out because he was on my list. Tiwon looks like Lebron, so he should be ok.

Erin Kelley is also out.

Rachel Zevita is up. She's like Siobhan. Ryan is hitting on her Grandma. No lie. Wow, her "last chance" song was awesome. I liked it. I predict yes. She's in. Yay! Aww...her little Granny is so happy!!!!

10 spots left.

Kendra Chantelle is up. I do not enjoy her. At all. She sings with her hands like she's going to try to fly away. It's lame. She also walks like a robot. She's in. Dumb.

Jordan Dorsey is up. Oh, I hope they ream him. Oh Mylanta, he is so 100% arrogant. What a jerk! He's in. Why do they put these nasty, terrible people in and get rid of perfectly innocent people like Chris Medina? It's RIDICULOUS I tell you. Ridiculous.

Lauren Alaina is up. She looks like a ballerina. They nearly gave her (and me) a coronary. She's in.

Stefano Langone is up. I predict yes. I'm right. Good.

Jackie Wilson is up. Ouch. She forgot her words on her "last chance" song. Lame. Although, Tatynisa got in after doing that twice so...we'll see if the same random "logic" works with her too. Nope. No logic. Wow. She asked why. Go girl.

Jacob Lusk is up. He's the one that oversings. Randy tells him that his performance of "God Bless the Child" is the single best performance on Idol ever. Wow. Not sure I'd take it that far (see David Cook singing "Billy Jean"), but Randy does tend to over exaggerate. Which is an over exaggeration. So Jacob's in and he screams like a lady. For a long while.

Pia Toscano. I don't remember ever seeing her. Before last night. She's good. She's BFFs with Karen Rodriguez (K-Rod) who is in the top 24. So I'm guessing she's in too. Yep. Huzzah!

Yipes. There's only 1 spot left for the girls.

James Durbin (Asperger's?) is up. I really don't enjoy him at all. Ryan, this is what distinct means. Please stop referring to him as distinct. He's in. I will be fast forwarding everything he sings. I'm almost 100% certain. I dealt with Lamebert when he was on, I don't have to deal with Durbin too.

Casey Abrams (Idyllwild) is up. If he does not make it through, I may have to stop watching altogether. Or I may have an aneurysm. Randy Yo Dawg tells him they've never had a more talented musician on the show. So, he should be in, right? Right. He's in. American Idol has lived to see another day of me being happy.

Thia Megia is up. I don't know how I feel about her. She kind of annoys me. I don't particularly, oh ouch, that note was flat. I don't particularly like her. Jessica something has auditioned 7 times. I've never seen her. Jessica Cunningham. I like her. She is literally 10 years older than Thia. I pick Jessica over Thia. Jessica is out. On her birthday, no less. That stinks. Thia is in. That's lame. I will not be voting for her.

OH heavens. There are 3 boys left and one spot left. Jacee Badeau, Brett Lowenstern, and....someone else.

Jacee sang the world's saddest song for his "last chance" song. It was about being gone too soon.

I think Brett may actually be a girl. He wears glasses to hold up his hair. Like normal glasses, not sunglasses. Why? He sang some original song about holding his own hand in the mirror. It was not good.

Colton Dixon is good. I like him.

Brett is in. Over Jacee and Colton. I didn't really think Jacee would make it. But Colton DEFINITELY should have made it over Brett.

Jenny from the Block is hugging Jacee a little bit too long. Awkward turtle.

Brett is trying to be motivational. Colton thinks it's funny. Which is funny.

So here we are. The top 24. I've marked the ones that were on my list originally with 1 *. The ones that I think will be in the final 12 have 2 **.

Brett Lowenstern**
Jovany Baretto**
Jacob Lusk**
Paul McDonald
Stupid Clint**
Robbie Rosen
Stefano Langone*
Stupid Jordan
Weird James**
Casey Abrams**
Scotty McCreery
(Tim Halperin) I didn't remember actually seeing him in the line-up. But he did make it. Strange.

Naima Adedapo*
Julie Zorrilla**
Karen Rodriguez**
Lauren Turner
Kendra Chantelle
Ashthon Jones
Rachel Zevita**
Haley Reinhardt
Thia Megia**
Lauren Alaina***
Pia Toscano**
Horrible Tatynisa

Next week: the three days of AI begin!!!!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Beatlemania/The Atrocity

I missed that crazy twist at the end of the episode last week. Apparently everyone is going to Vegas to sing a Beatles song in a group or something. Seems unnecessary. But whatevs.

We have 61 contestants and need to whittle down to 24. Yipes.

We're going to Vegas. Sad for them. Vegas is just not appealing to me AT ALL.

If I were a drinker (I'm not), I would start a drinking game where every time a contestant says "make it or break it," I took a drink. I guess I could still do it. I don't have to drink alcohol...

Thia Megia and Melinda Ademi are being berated by someone named Peggi Blu because they are reading their lyrics. She called them kids and everything. I heart her.

Lauren Alaina and Scott McReery and some other girl are in a group. Lauren's freaking out. Don't freak out Lauren. You're my golden child.

Peggi Blu should be a judge! She should have replaced Simon Cowell. She told Thia and Melinda that they were going to die on stage. I triple heart her.

Apparently, some of the contestants don't know the Beatles. I think that should be a prereq for being on AI. Must know Beatles. Ashthon Jones (on my list) has never heard a Beatles song. Apparently, she lives in a cave with no access to the television, because don't they have an iPod commercial featuring the Beatles? Yeah, thought so.

Jimmy Iovine (pronounced eye-veen) worked with John Lennon and the kiddies have to sing for him.

Lauren A., Denise, and Scott are singing for the producer peeps. The producers tell them to sing a different song.

Okay ladies and gentlemen, I have now seen 2 separate people that could have easily replaced Simon Cowell. Jimmy Iovine makes slashing motions across his throat when the kiddies are terrible.

For some reason, the contestants get to go see Beatles "Love" while in Vegas. Shouldn't they, like, keep practicing? Ok, I WOULD like to see this show.

NIGEL! Nigel Lythgoe! So You Think You Can Dance?

Steven Tyler lives in Beatleland. Does he mean England?

Stefano (on the list) and James Durbin (Aspergers?) singing "Get Back." Stefano is good. James is screaming unnecessarily (see Adam Lamebert). Steven Tyler: "I don't think I've heard two higher voices together like that. Me: "Well, you and whoever's in Aerosmith." I know it's Joe Perry. I just don't know that he sings. Please confirm, all you non-readers who refuse to read or comment. Steven Tyler: "James you went up into the squeak, that's insane." James: "Thanks" Me: "Uh, no, that's not really a compliment." Randy: "Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo got it."

Pia Toscano and Karen Rodriguez are BFFs. They even went to High School together. Aww. They are singing together. "Can't Buy Me Love"- I don't remember Pia at all. I enjoy them both. Nice harmonies. Jenny from the block- "You get it. I feel that you get it." Steven Tyler- "I thought you picked the wrong key, but then you ran off into the field. It was very nice." I promise that's what he said.

Jacob Lusk, Haley Reinhart, and Naima Adedapo are next. Jimmy told them not to oversing yesterday. They're singing "The Long and Winding Road." Haley has an awesome range. Naima has a nice tone. Jacob is the one that sang that crazy emotional song last week. He's the oversinger. It was a'ight for me for you. They had a strange hand motion at the end. Jenny from the block: "Very, very nice." Steven Tyler: "It was stupendous." They all really loved it.

Rachel Zevita's group sang "All the Lonely People" She reminds me of a girl I went to college with. But I don't think she's ever had a rolling backpack in her life.

The Other Lauren (on the list) and the one that I always think is Stefano but is not are singing "Let it Be." The 2 seconds I heard of it I loved.

Tim Halperin (who?) and Julie Zorrilla (on the list) are both playing piano and singing "Something." I enjoyed those 3 seconds as well.

Terra-Nova= Jurassic Park + LOST. No thanks.

Jerome Bell, Lakeisha Lewis, Tatynisa Wilson are singing "I Saw Her Standing There." It's fun. Jerome Bell is the Bar Mitzvah singer. I'd never seen Lakeisha or Tatynisa before in my life. But I like both of their voices. Interesting. Randy: "Yo, you all three can definitely sing. Jerome you were ok, it wasn't amazing for me from you." SO CLOSE!!!!!!! Jenny from the block: "Lakeisha you're holding back. Tatynisa it wasn't your best thing today." Steven Tyler: "Wow is that what you have to say? I thought you nailed it." They're confused.

Paul McDonald and Kendra Chantelle. Who are these people???? They're singing "Blackbird." That was annoying. Kendra sang the first verse in a totally different key than Paul sang the second verse in. And she has very annoying emoting happening. I enjoy Paul's voice. I do not enjoy Kendra's anything. The judges loved both of them.

Montage of lots of groups. Jun (the mean one) was yelling. Ashthon managed to find a song to sing. John Wayne Schultz was the "dot on the domino" singing a song that my cousin thought was about being friends but is actually about drugs. Aren't a lot of the Beatle's songs about drugs?

Speaking of drugs, Steven Tyler is clapping with one hand...

Ashley Sullivan (the crazy chick) is shopping. For her wedding. She's literally getting married. She loves Britney Spears and is getting married in the same chapel as her. That doesn't seem doomed at all. Ok. This is dumb. Get back to singing.

Thia and Melinda are up. The ones that are going to die on stage. Hooray! Well, they didn't die. But they were not good. Peggi Blu: "Good Lord." Complete with a holding of her head. Randy: "Yo, yo. Melinda, it started a little shaky but got better. Thia you found a way to keep your phrasing intact." Jenny from the block: "It was cute." Steven Tyler: "Melinda you were behind on your phrasing and Thia you were just alright for me." They're both out. I hope.

Ashley and Sophia are going to sing "We Can Work it Out." It was a little train-wrecky. It was a little cool. But more train-wrecky. They're both on my list. All three judges were not pleased. Ashley thinks if they had stayed closer to the Beables they would have been better. Yep. Definitely should have stayed closer to the Beables. Whoever they are.

Lauren, Denise, and Scotty are singing "Hello, Goodbye" or whatever it's called. I really really liked it. Scotty was so cute! Lauren and Denise were ok. The judges found them funny, but not good. Hmph.

Carson Higgins and Caleb Hawley did a crazy performance.

Chris Medina and Casey Abrams did an awesome performance of "A Hard Day's Night."

Aaron Sanders, Robbie Rosen, and Jordan Dorsey (the other mean one), are singing "Got to Get You into My Life." I'm not sure how I feel about this arrangement. They kind of changed it too much. It was fine the way it was, k? K. Also I hate Jordan Dorsey.
Randy Yo Dawg: "Wow, I was impressed. The harmonies were rough, you worked it out."
Jenny from the block: "Jordan we have high expectations of you. Because you're tall."
Steven Tyler: "Fantastic." Clapping.

Performances are over. So are we going to get the 24 now? I don't understand.

Thia, Scotty, Jordan Dorsey, Ashthon Jones, Robbie Rosen, Lauren Alaina. They're all through. I literally stopped breathing just now. That's 7 out of 24.

The WH intern, Carson Higgins, Caleb Hawley, Sophia, Melinda, Denise, Ashley Sullivan are out.

Everyone else is still in for the next round.

Here is the list of people that I chose from the beginning that are either still in, or not accounted for. It does not mean I necessarily LIKE these people, but I think they'll stay in to the live show.
Devyn Rush
Jacee Badeau
Scott Dangerfield
Chris Medina
Matt Dillard
Lauren Alaina
John Wayne Schulz
Casey Abrams
Stefano Langone
James Durbin
Ashthon Jones*
Naima Adedapo *

We're heading to L.A. now presumably to get the top 24. * = they made it.

Naima Adedapo (not on the list). She's wearing a crazy old lady dress. Prediction? She's in. I'm correct. She's in. 23 spots left.

Hollie Cavanagh. The crying one that sang Miley Cyrus. My prediction: No. I'm correct. Jenny from the Block is apologizing. She needs to stop that. Hollie's crying. :(

Lakeishha is out. Someone named Alex is out.

Clint "Jun" Gamboa is up. I hope he's out. He's a jerk. Which of course means he'll make it. Randy Yo Dawg calls him out for the Jacee thing. Clint tries to backpedal and claim that he's not jerk. I don't buy it. Unfortunately, the judges did. Stupid Clint is in. 22 spots left.

Haley Reinhart is up. She almost made my list. I think she'll make it. She's in. 21 spots left.

DeAndre Brackensick has crazee hair. My prediction is no. He has Kenny G hair. He's out.

Paul McDonald is up. I had never seen him before. At least I don't remember him off-hand. I enjoy his voice. My prediction is yes. I'm correct. Again. 20 spots left.

Ashthon Jones is up. She's on the list. My prediction is yes, obviously. She's in. 19 spots left.

K. There's 10 minutes left on the recording at 19 spots left. I'm guessing it continues tomorrow. Lame sauce.

Chris Medina. He'd better go through. My prediction is yes. Jenny from the block is beating around the bush. He's not through. This show is ridiculous. You have got to be kidding me. That stupid "Jun" kid is through, and this guy doesn't get through. They are out of their minds. This is the second year in a row they have made a huge huge huge huge huge huge huge mistake. Last year, was Angela Martin and now Chris Medina. That was the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Jenny from the Block is really upset. Even Ryan thinks it's stupid. That guy is going to go farther than whoever wins this show. Mark. My. Words. I am seriously livid.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Hollywood Week #3: The Solo Round

Here we go. Everyone is full of hope and thinks they'll be awesome.

Oh! Most outstanding performances of the 10 year history of Idol! Wow! No one has ever declared that before!

Hayley Reinhardt: I did not like her because she reminded me of Hayley Vaughn. She's singing "God Bless the Child." I can actually say that I enjoy this performance. She may be ok. Still reminds me of Hayley Vaughn.

Ashthon Jones: She was added to my list yesterday. She's singing that song J. Hudson sings in Dreamgirls. Can't remember the name. But it's amazing. I love her a lot.

Thia Megia: I find her annoying. She's singing "A Wonderful World." I do not enjoy this song. I associate it with sad memories. Odd, I know. But I don't enjoy her either. So there you go. She's also wearing a kindergarten sweater.

Dude. Montage of people who insist on blaming the band for their ineptitude. That's right, ineptitude. Good gravy people, those are legitimate professional musicians you have working with you. Give it up.

Clint "Jun" Gamboa (who annoys me) is singing "Georgia on my Mind." Correction, he's screaming it. He has HP glasses. He does not deserve to wear HP glasses. I don't enjoy him. But everyone else does. I don't enjoy him because he was mean to Jacee Dugard. I don't think you should be allowed to be mean to Jacee Dugard.

Steven Tyler is emoting at the table while watching pretty girls sing.

There's a girl named Sophia that I had never seen before who is amazing. I like her.

Chris Medina is singing Bobbi Brown's "My Prerogative." Oh no. Not the Andrew Garcia curse. Please don't sing your swan song now. Carson Higgins is singing the same song. I like both of these people. They are both on my list.

I enjoy both of their performances of this song. Chris is less than thrilled with his performance. Oh no.

Julie Varilla: Playing piano and singing "Love Song." It's a'ight.

Caleb Hawley: Playing guitar and singing a song I don't know. It's ok.

Colton Dixon: Playing piano and singing "What About Now." It's annoying. Nasally.

Brett Lowenstern: Playing guitar and whining. I don't enjoy him.

Robbie Rosen: Playing piano and singing a song that I'm pretty sure a girl sings. He has a nice voice so I'll let it go.

Casey Abrams is going to play the stand-up bass. I love him so so so much. He's singing "Georgia on My Mind." It's fantastic. I seriously love him. I would vote for him now if I could. He's 110% on my list.

Casey is comforting Chelsee (Rob's ex). Wait, Jacqueline is sick? Is she dropping out? SHE IS!!!!!!! YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!! Chelsee declares that Jacqueline is her best friend in the whole world. Really? You met her what, a week ago? That's insane. Chelsee sang "Because of You" by Miss Clarkson. It was meh.

Lauren Alaina is up. She's singing "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing." It's amazing. Winner.

Jacob Lusk is singing "God Bless the Child." Where has he been this whole time?! His voice is like butter. He's scatting. He has a crazy range. The judges are having a moment. Holy cow. That was phenomenal. Dude and For Real.

John Wayne Schulz. I'm glad he's still here, I hadn't seen him since his original audition. He's playing guitar and singing I think a Miranda Lambert song. I like him. He reminds me of Trace Adkins.

Ashley Sullivan is freaking out. Surprise. She's singing "Everything" by Michael Buble. She misses the words. Not once. But twice. Uh-oh. She tried to sing the song she sings to her boyfriend. Oops.

Stefano Langone is on my list. I enjoy him.

Jovany Barreto is singing partially in Spanish. Get out.

Jacee Dugard is singing "Time of My Life." Which I think is Carrie Underwood. But it's awesome.

Scotty McReary is going to sing "I Hope You Dance" and he hysterically messes up the lyrics. Poor Scotty. I don't know, though, he kind of lost me when he was mean to Jacee Dugard too. You can't be mean to Jacee Dugard and stay on my good side, yo. Some other girl is also butchering this song. First of all, that song is not great.

Solo auditions are over. Now we wait.

They are split into 4 rooms. Some things don't change.

Room 1 has Ashley Sullivan, Brett Lowenstern, and Jacee Badeau in it. Caleb Hawley is in here too. So is Lauren Alaina, Chris Medina, Robbie Rosen, James Durbin, Casey Abrams. Obviously, they're all in.

Room 2 can hear Room 1 and they are freaking out.

Room 3 has Mark Gutierrez and Chelsee in it.

Room 2 is out. Bummer.

Mark Gutierrez and Chelsee are out. I'm glad to see Chelsee go. But not stoked that Mark Gutierrez is gone. Buh-mer.

Room 4 has Thia Megia, Naima Adedapo, that Lauren girl I love, Julie Zarilla, Carson Higgins,Scotty McReary, a bunch of people from my list, are in.


Next week: Final Auditions. Something about Beatles. My DVR cut off. Lame.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Hollywood Week #2: Group Round

It's going to be a high pressure episode, so Ryan says.

Ohhhh....burn. Apparently the Day 1 peeps thought that they would get ahead of the game and start rehearsing early. Then the producers, in all their wisdom, told them they couldn't segregate between Day 1 and Day 2 peeps. Just keepin' it fair ya'll. So now, there's chaos as everyone tries to mix it up.

Sniffany probably burned a lot of bridges and can't get anyone to be in her group. Shocking. Sniffany has now grabbed a person from a group who has already lost 2 different people.

Scotty McReary (really deep voice kid) is a hot commodity. But he's being super picky. Good for him! Best part? He literally walks away from Sniffany after she sings, declaring her "just crazy."

Wow. Ryan just used the word pandemonium to describe the atmospher in the room.

Scotty McReary and Jacee Dugard are in the same group. Awe.Some.

Ashley (Broadway girl) *on my list* has found a group. Ryan suggests she may be emotional.

Producers are letting Sniffany and her counterpart, Jessica, do a duet. Lame.

People are rehearsing everywhere, even in the bathroom.

The Minors have their Moms with them. Because suddenly this has become Toddlers and Tiaras.

James Durbin (Asperger's? guy) has a problem with that. He feels that it's an unfair advantage to have their Mom there, and they should learn to be their own artist. He's going to drive me crazy. I can feel it.

Oh dear goodness. Jacqueline and the exes are still mourning the loss of Nick Fink. Aka Nick Stink. Rob does not enjoy working with his ex-gf Chelsee. Jacqueline thinks she's awesome. She's not.

Aha. Ashley is now having an emotional breakdown. Pull it together girl! ANNNNND she quit. I can't stand this. I hate that people audition and then make it and then quit. ARRRRGHHHH!!!!!!

Now she's thinking about it. She's off the list.

Scotty McReary's group is second guessing the addition of him to their group. DUDE. They stink. I hate that Clint dude. They just cut Jacee Dugard. They are losers. Jacee is amazing. He's on the list. Clint stinks.

Jordan Dorsey thinks he's the best thing to happen to AI. He's not. Earlier he was being really selective and kind of a jerk about who could be in the group. Now, he's leaving his group. Meany-head.

Ashley has now decided to stay. She's still off the list.

Brett's group is still looking for a 5th member from Day 2. Jacee has found them. He does not know the song Mercy. Oh no. He is such a sweetheart!

Rob realllllllly hates his group. He can't remember his lyrics. He is stressed out. He is frustrated. Bummer.

Performance time. Finally.

First group, people I've never seen. They're singing "Grenade." They're actually all three pretty good. Very nice. They're all 3 in.

Next, Jordan Dorsey's group. I hope they all get cut. They're singing "I Want You Back" they sound a little tone problematic. But they're all in. Stupid.

The group Jordan ditched is up. They're singing, "Forget You." I secretly love this song. I not so secretly love this group. Incidentally, I have now added Lauren to my list. She's great! They're all in. :)

I now have no wisdom teeth and am on Vicodin so the rest of this post may be a little muddled.

Sniffany and Jessica ("Rebel Star") are up. Hooray. They are singing "Irreplaceable" by Beyonce. It's not good. Matter of fact, Randy Yo Dawg says "It was really bad." Sniffany starts trying to ask what else she can do to change their minds. Nothing. You can leave.

"Spanglish" is up with 3 people I don't really remember seeing in auditions. They also have Jovany Baretto (on my list). One of the guys slept in and almost missed his group performance. Jovany and the girl (Karen Rodriguez) are in. They sang "Just the Way You Are." I think that's what it called. Here's the funny part of all this though, Steven tells one of the dudes he's really bad right? Then he tells Karen she's good. Then he tells Jovany he was rough in the beginning. Then he says, congratulations to the three of you. At this point Jenny from the block goes "Wait? What?" and they have a little discussion about what they had previously decided. Turns out Steven may have dipped into this Vicodin supply I've got.

The next group has Lauren Alaina in it. She's on my list. They are singing "Some Kind of Wonderful." Lauren was awesome. They had Steven Tyler come up and sit in a chair and sang to him. That was lame. One of them forgot the lyrics. Lauren is the only one that makes it from that group. I still say she's going to win. And you know it's accurate because I said it when I wasn't on Vicodin.

Matt (on my list) the guy whose family has fostered like 700 special needs kids is in the next group. He forgot all. the. lyrics. He's out. The only one to make it from that group is Colton Dixon. Poor Matt. Very sad.

Montage of terrible (see Craig, it's not long!)

Oh no, Paris Tassin. Something terrible has happened here. She's yelling, she's loud, she's pitchy, she's close to terrible. She was on my list! Jenny from the block is torn, because Paris has a little girl with hydrocephalus. She's out.

So is Emily Anne Reed. She was fantastic. I can't believe it. Granted, they did not show us her group singing, so it's possible that she crashed and burned.

Oh Lord. Ashley's group is up. Waffle Ashley. Her name is Ashley Sullivan. Ashthon Jones is in the group and she's awesome too. I'm considering putting Ashley Sullivan on my list again. Ashthon Jones is on my list for sheezy.

Oh awesome. The Minors are up. Their Moms are still being stage Moms, which annoys James Durbin, who annoys me. So I'm basically annoyed.

The Deep V's (James Durbin's group). Emma Henry is horrible. That was generally awful. Please, please, please, please, please, get rid of James Durbin. They did not. They kept James Durbin and Caleb Johnson.

The Minor Moms have a lot of negative things to say about the Deep V's.

The Minors sing the same song and it's sadly amazing. It was great. I'm not putting any of them on my list though because, they're 15. So I hate them for their age. Sure, I'm an agist, I'll admit it. Now ask if I care.

Hollie Cavanagh's group was awful except for Hollie Cavanagh. I like Hollie. Is she on on my list? No she is not. But I like her.

The Night Owls (who comes up with these names) includes two of my favorites Julie Zarilla and Casey Abrams. Please don't be terrible. Julie and Casey are awesome. Their group is doing "Get Ready" a cappella. Julie and Casey are the only ones through.

Ebony/Ivory/Evory is up. Seriously? That name? Geesh. Naima Adedapo is in this group. They sang the same song and it improved 100%. They're all in.

Devyn Rush, Caleb Hawley, and Chris Medina are all in the same group. All three are on my list. They're singing "Forget You." I love this song. Shhh...don't tell. Carson Higgins is now on my list as well. Randy Yo Dawg says Devyn was not controlled. I say Randy Yo Dawg is cuh-razy. Everyone in that group except Devyn is in. Lame. Sauce.

Montage of crazy.

Jacee and Brett's group is up. They're singing "Mercy" Jacee forgot the words, but made up some sweet lyrics. Also, he got shafted in the group department. He was booted from this other dumb group. He explains the situation and Randy Yo Dawg proceeds to tell the whole group they're in. Jacee cries. :(

Now, the dumb group that ditched Jacee. Clint Jun Gamboa is annoying. As annoying as James Durbin. The whole group is in. Dumb. Also, their name is "the Guaps." Scotty feels really bad about the Jacee situation. He's crying. :(

And now, we're finally to Rob, Chelsee and Jacqueline. I like Rob the most in this group. They're also singing "Forget You." TRAINWRECK. Jacqueline was terrible. There's no possible way she should get in. Chelsee barely even sang, but when she did it was decent. Rob totally did not know any of the lyrics. Ridiculous. Jacqueline and Chelsee are in. There's no way Jacqueline should have made it. No possible way.

Next up: Hollywood Auditions the Solo Round.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Hollywood Week #1: Finally

Randy Yo Dawg tells us (as he does every year) that Season 10 is the hottest season yet.

Evidently we have 2x the amount of contestants. That's what happens when you put everyone through because they beg you to.

Everyone is very excited to be there.

Jenny from the Block says they're going to separate men from boys and women from girls.

Randy Yo Dawg says they need to bring it hard or forget about it.

Steven Tyler hopes they did their homework.

This is what I hate. Even though I religiously watched all of the auditions, I still have no idea who some of these people are!

It's the same as every year. Sudden death first round.

Brett Loewenstern is 16 and he's about to pass out. He was bullied. He made it in New Orleans, he's singing "Let It Be." I don't remember loving him this much. I just checked my N.O. blog and no, I did not enjoy him. I found him "flat" and "rather annoying." Hwood has served him well. The rest of the line sings and we're waiting to hear how he does. Brett and someone named Symphony are in. Wait, that girl who's boyfriend looks like her Dad is out? Jackie Wilson. Huh. It appears that she is out. Lame. I liked her.

Ok, so I just compiled a list of the people who I liked in the auditions that I think will make it through Hollywood week. I'm a nerd, right?

Back to Brett Loewenstern, he's letting the bullies know he's over them.

Rachel Zevita the opera singer from season 6 is through. I like her a lot better now.

Thia Megia sings "Summertime" and I still find her annoying. She's through.

Casey Abrams (on my list of favs), is an easy yes.

Here comes Victoria Huggins. The one who said "yo dawg" to Randy. Awkward. She tried to get the room to clap with her. And they did not. With the exception of her Mom and family member unidentified. Victoria is out! Wow! One less annoying person to see on the show.

Paris Tassin has the baby with hearing loss. She's singing "My Heart Will Go On." I love her. I really do. She has to make it.

James Durbin the kid with Tourette's/Asperger's. I have no idea what he just sang. I don't like him. I'm sorry.

Lauren Alaina is in this line. Yep, she's still amazing.

Stormy the beauty queen is in this line. She's bombing.

James, Lauren, Paris have all been pulled to the front. And they're all through. YAY! Except for James.

And also, Stormy is out. Hallelujah.

Chris Medina is up. If he does not get through, there is no hope for American Idol. He's in. There's still hope.

Jacee Badeaux is singing "God Bless the Broken Road" I love this kid.

Robbie Rosen is ok. I have no idea what he's singing.

Hollie Cavanagh is the girl who freaked out and cried at her audition in TX. She got in by singing "The Climb." She improved, but I still don't enjoy her.

Jacee, Robbie, and Hollie are all in. Jacee is on my list.

Steve Beghun sings "I Just Haven't Met You Yet." I love him. I called him the Taylor Hicks of this season. WHAT? He's out. LAME. SAUCE.

Sarah Sellers is out. Jacqueline Dupree is out. Heidi Khzam is out. Oh good! The girl who thought Seacrest was cute is out.

Day 2 of Hollywood Week.

People are forgetting lyrics and squeaking notes like crazy.

The awkward ex-dating couple (Rob and Chelsee) is auditioning. And they are rooming with the respective people from the creepy lovebirds (Nick and Jacqueline) from TX.

Rob is singing "I'm so lonesome I could cry." I enjoy him.

Chelsee is singing some other song. I don't enjoy her as much.

They're both in.

Nick is singing a weird song about shoes. He's lame.

Jacqueline is singing an unidentified song. She was ok.

Nick is in the front. Jacqueline is in the back. Back line is in. Nick is out. He's arguing. Jacqueline walked away. I think she's secretly happy that he's not staying. He turns around during his walk of shame and sings the last part of his song. Randy still says no.

Scott McReery, the kid with the deep voice, is singing. He's singing the same song. Possibly a mistake.

Ok, now they're showing Jackie Wilson. I'm so confused. She repeated her song too.

Jerome Bell (the Bar Mitzvah guy) also repeats his audition song. I think that should be a rule. No repeating the same song you auditioned with initially. How will we know you can sing anything else?

All three are in. So ignore me saying that Jackie is not in. I hallucinated, evidently.

Oh no. Tiffany Rios is singing. I called her Sniffany because she was the Snooki wannabe. She told the judges she's tired of watching people try to do what she knows she can do. Oh no she didn't. She sings some song about her love and a ring and she squats down and sings. It was actually not horrible.

Next up is Travis Orlando (on my list). He's singing Maroon 5. He's having trouble. Oh, honey.

Travis is out. Sniffany is in.

Poor Travis.

10 of the people on my list are through to the next round. Just sayin'. The others have yet to be shown so I could be doing better than I thought. :)

Thursday, February 10, 2011

I left my Heart in San Francisco

Most. Random. Beginning. Ever.

This sad, dejected girl is walking down the streets and crying about not getting in and how she's so disappointed. The camera guy asks her, "Do you have a message for the judges?" At which point she turns and says (I'm not kidding), "Just because somebody farts, let 'em finish singing ok?" PLEASE tell me they'll play her audition.

We're in San Francisco this week, where apparently we found Adam Lambert 2 years ago. Ryan refers to him as one of the most "electric" performers ever. "Electric" does not mean the same thing as "annoying."

The judges are going to be tough, which will be new.

Inessa Lee is a Ukrainian pop star. So she says. She sounds vaguely tone deaf, but it's not horrible. Steven tells her she's cute but not a good singer. Jenny from the block says she's cute but it's a no. Randy Yo Dawg can't thing of anything better to say.

Oh good, this episode will be emotional. Because I haven't cried enough this week.

The seagulls are pooping on people at AT&T Park. They know about the Giants, what do you expect them to do?

Brittany Mazur makes it. She's meh.

Lara Johnston makes it. She's slightly better than meh.

Matthew Nuss is from Huntington Beach. He's in. He's a lot better than meh.

Stefano Langone was in an accident, non-specified. Apparently it was really bad. He has a piano belt buckle. I want one. He's singing "I Heard it Through the Grapevine." He reminds me of the AI contestant from a few seasons ago that was the dueling piano player, very bluesy, John Mayer (but not sleazy). He's good, I think he'll do well.

Clint Gamboa hosts karaoke in Long Beach. He has Harry Potter glasses. He's singing "Billionaire. It's ok. But he sorta freaks me out. Like Adam Lambert freaks me out.

Montage of terrible/crazy. Including streakers and someone dressed like a monkey. His name is Kenneth and he's unemployed. Shocking.

Weston Lee Smith is drunk, I'm fairly certain. Either that or he's vomiting.

Oh Mylanta. One of the contestants is dressed like a Transformer. It's incredible. Annnd we've gone downhill. Randy Yo Dawg tells Optimus Lame that if he went to the market in that it'd be crazy. Optimus Lame says, "Hey, man, that's how people are going to get around in the future. Man, 10 more years." The judges stare blankly....and Optimus Lame is going to sing. He sings "Born to be Wild" and forgets the lyrics. He's not going to Hollywood. In his "rejection package" he tells us he doesn't want to be a car for the rest of his life. Hey Optimus Lame? I think you may be able to do something about that. It's called employment/education.

A bunch of girls made it in. Shocking.

Julie Zurilla has fancy shoes. She's from Colombia. Her parents had to leave Colombia because of guerilla warfare. She's singing "Summertime." Her voice is nice. She has the Cristina Aguilera syndrome of unnecessarily dragging out words so they last a full 20-30 seconds. It's annoying. There's such a thing as too much. I'm just sayin'. But no one listens to me, so she's in.

Dave Combs has Bo Bice hair. He's singing "Oh Darlin" by The Beatles. I don't recognize the song. Steven Tyler, who is wearing a Beatles shirt, is anti this dude. I enjoy this side of Steven Tyler. It's at least 1/4 of a degree closer to Simon Cowell.

Montage of terrible and Steven Tyler telling them they're terrible.

Someone butchered Sam Cooke. And David Johnston, a preacher/musician from Chino Hills is killing "Stand By Me."

Emily Anne Reed talks like a Disney princess. Her house burned down. She sounds vaguely like Adele and a little bit like Billy Holliday. I love her. Steven Tyler tells her no. He's a lunatic. Randy Yo Dawg tells her he disagrees with Steven Tyler. Jenny from the block fakes uncertainty and doesn't know if she should go through. She sends her to Hollywood and Steven tells her to play something on guitar (she brought it in with her). She does and Steven changes his mind. Emily Anne Reed will be on the show. Mark my words.

Ok. They have totally pushed this audition to no end. It better be amazing. And not "Lambert" amazing.

James Durbin is from Santa Cruz, CA. His Mom raised him and his sisters. Dad was a musician, mostly absent. People tell him he gets his talent from his Dad. But his Dad died when he was 9, from a drug overdose. *Sigh* He has Tourette's and Asperger's. He was made fun of in school. He is married and has a baby. He has no job, and just wants to provide for his son. I have mixed feelings about this contestant. That's what I thought. This is the "explosive" contestant they're hoping to replace Adam Lambert with. I mean, it's good. And I feel like I SHOULD like this kid because he has Tourette's/Asperger's. Although, let me just say right now, he doesn't really exhibit any symptoms or indicators of either of those disorders. Which is especially strange because, in my experience, stress brings out those behaviors. I'm not a psychiatrist or anything, but I find it interesting. Anyway, James is in.

So, auditions are done. And now.....HOLLYWOOD WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Human Tornado(s)

Recap of some of the "greats."

Victoria Garrett believes God brought American Idol to her. Not good. She's terrible. Steven Tyler tells her she's going to Siberia. None of the judges are nice to her. Sad. And then she calls J-Lo a bad word. Thanks for representin' Sister!

Tim Halperin is singing "She Will Be Loved." He is singing to Jenny from the Block. His song is annoying. He is in love with Jenny from the Block. His voice is whatevs. Steven says yes. Randy says no. J-Lo of course says yes. Grrr....stop putting people through because you feel sorry for them. It's ridiculous.

Justin Carter has a good last name. It's unclear whether he got in.

Daniel and Isaac are best friends. Uh-huh. They're both totally manly. Isaac's Mom thinks he's still in school, but he dropped out. The last person I heard of that did that, tried to blow up my college commencement ceremony. It didn't work for him either. His parents found out anyway....

Daniel Gomez thinks he's awesome. He's not. He's flat and horrible and baaaddd.

Isaac Rodriguez is auditioning. He, too, is horrible. Thank goodness. I was scared they were going to infiltrate and attract 15 year old tween votes who don't know how to recognize someone who is NOT attainable. He doesn't understand that he's terrible. He thinks he can sing.

Karen Rodriguez auditioned online originally. I like her. Good voice. Cute personality. I like it. She's in.

Tynisha Roches is obnoxious. She has a microphone. She has a chin piercing. She says "ow" a lot. She has scary bangs. She is killing Frank Sinatra. She wants to sing more. She insists that she has 3 albums that are ready to be composed. I don't understand how these people get through. She's chasing Randy around. Security has to kick her out. Back to my point. I have a friend who has auditioned for American Idol on more than one occasion. He has an incredible voice and has never made it even in front of the judges. It's unacceptable.

Heidi Khzam bellydances and then sings. So she's in because Randy and Steven are distracted.

Matthew Frankel believes he's a CEO. His hip-hop alter ego is "Big Stats." He's rapping. Which sounds more like...I don't really know what. It's awful. The best thing about this audition is that he's wearing a suit. His friend is with Ryan and he sounds like that dog that tries to tell Copper to stay away from Tod in The Fox and the Hound. Randy asks Matt what he does and he says he produces "millions...or...a bunch of artists." He's "singing" something not fun. He says he needs to lubricate up and it's over for him. He keeps complimenting Jenny from the Block hoping it will happen for him. Matt says his momma told him if he couldn't say anything nice about someone, don't say anything at all. So on the subject of Randy Jackson, his lips are sealed. He then continues to say that Randy is just mad that he's not related to Michael Jackson or Samuel L. Jackson. Is he related to Bethenny Frankel? 'Cause I think people can have the same last name and not actually be related. Matthew then insists that he and Randy Yo Dawg are "beefin'."

Everyone is terrible. Trainwreck.

The Gutierrez brothers are from Redlands, CA! They are singing "Lean On Me" together. It's awesome. Mark and Aaron are really good. Mark teaches math. Aaron sells shoes. Steven tells him it was god-like. I don't know if I'd go THAT far, but it was pretty sweet. So they're in.

The Human Tornado (James Brown) is auditioning. His real name is Cooper Robinson. He's going to take my city from me. Go 'head. Randy wants to know what part of Arkansas he's from. And Cooper gives step by step directions, including landmarks. Jenny from the Block wants to know how old he is. Cooper thinks he's 59, but he's not sure. He's doing a stomp dance and singing "I Feel Good." I think he may have a stroke. The judges are unsure whether to laugh or cry. I think he's on drugs. This is too much. J-Lo requests protection to walk out with her because he keeps shouting. Ryan runs INTO the audition room, to get protected by Randy Yo Dawg.

Next week, San Fran.

Austin Auditions.

Ok, so I'm a week late. Sorry I have a full time job and a life. Anyway, here we are.

Austin, TX. You know what's in TX? The Biggest Stadium in the World. Oh, and also...the Cowboys!

The judges are all present and accounted for, but Ryan is missing. He's here now, and so is Marc Anthony, Jenny from the block's 112th husband.

Corey did not know his sister existed until he was 14 due to "parental differences." His sister encouraged him to sing. They seem strange. Like uber brother and sister-y. A little romantic-y. Anyway, Corey brings his sister in to judge him too. He sings "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt. He's kinda singing it to his "sister." It's ok. Really loud. He's in.

Hollie is singing "At Last." She totally changed the tune wayyyyy too much. Randy Yo Dawg says no. Hollie starts crying. Jenny from the block wants to know if she can compose herself to sing another song. What is with this second chance nonsense? Come with your game face or don't come at all! We have to wait for commercials to see if she survives.

She sings some song about moving a mountain and she makes it. Randy Yo Dawg even waffles and gives her a yes. BTW, the song was "The Climb." Blech.

Montage of crying.

Rodolfo Ochoa is singing "Circle of Life." Badly. It's terribly. It's drawn out. If I didn't already have a headache, I would have one after listening to him. It's a no.

Montage of cowboys. Not Cowboys, but cowboys.

John Wayne Schulz is auditioning. Ryan asks his parents why they named him John Wayne. Mom: "He (Dad) wanted a son that was rough and tough." Ryan: "Boy, that would have sucked if I was your son, huh?" (laughter) Dad: "You wouldn't be the way you are now, my friend." (louder laughter). Love it.

Anywho, John Wayne is auditioning. He works on a ranch. His family has been ranching since 1857. He loves his family. His Mom told him to try out for American Idol when she had breast cancer. He's singing "Believe" by Brooks and Dunn. His Mom is lovely. She's got those giant photo buttons on her shirt. And she is crying while she listens to him. His voice is nice. It's not the best I've ever heard, but it's also not the worst. All the judges like him. He's in.

Day 2.

Courtney Penry is delusional. She finds Ryan Seacrest attractive. She also thinks he likes girls. She's auditioning. She tells Jenny from the Block she's beautiful. Randy Yo Dawg says thank you, and she tells Randy he's beautiful as well. Then she starts making eyes at Steven Tyler. Randy Yo Dawg wants to know if there's anything interesting they should know about her. You mean, besides the fact that she's delusional? Why yes, she can "do a chicken" which apparently means impersonate a chicken. Can you impersonate something that is not a person? She does a chicken and it's dumb. Now she's singing "Stay" by Sugarland, it's weird. A little weak. She does this weird shaking hands thing. Randy says no, the other two say yes, so she's in.

Shauntel Campos, Alex Carr, Caleb Johnson are all in.

Some other people are in. Apparently a lot of people are in.

Jacqueline Dunford and Nick Fink are dating. They are creeptastic. She sings first. She's singing "Mercy" it's loud and ok. Nick is singing some song, I can't think of what it is. They both changed the songs a little bit. They both were ok. They are weird. They remind me of like the annoying couple in high school that were constantly all over each other and being all mushy. It's creepy.
They're both in.

Janelle Arthur is defending country. Don't have to tell me, sweetheart. She's singing a song I've never heard. I love her voice. I enjoy her. She's in.

Montage of horrid. Including an armadillo. Apparently Randy Yo Dawg was not having it.

The armadillo turned out to be a girl and, they don't show her singing, but she gets a no. So as she's leaving she goes, "Well, I'll just be alone the rest of my life." Uh, honey? I'm thinkin' maybe that was going to happen BEFORE you auditioned for Idol. Just a hunch.

Casey Abrams is from Idyllwild, CA. He plays the melodica. Which I want to find. Because that would be fun. Anyway, he says people tell him he looks like Seth Rogen and the producer tells him he was thinking "Fraggle Rock." He's singing "I Don't Need No Doctor," by Ray Charles. He gets his note from the melodica and away he goes. Ok. I assumed he would be terrible, because, well, he looks like he wouldn't be able to sing. But I was wrong. I will sit here with my sore neck and shoulder and admit 100% that I WAS WRONG. He is amazing. Scatting. Grooving. It's awesome. And he is surprised. Holy cow. I feel like he should have auditioned in LA though.

That's what's up next, by the way. LA.