Now and Then

It was so draMAtic that they saved Bebica last week! I mean, who would have thought they would SAVE the girl they ALL seem to LOVE?!?!?! I just can't beLIEVE it!

Dick Clark died. And that's sad. In other news, Ryan Seacrest will continue to do NYE from Times Square all by his lonesome.

Tommy Hilfiger has once again ruined everyone's style. Well, everyone but Phillip. Phillip still refuses to conform.

Each contestant is singing 2 songs. First, a song from 2000's to now. Second, a "soul song" from "back in the day." This promises to be horrifying.

Hollie is first. She's stupid enough to sing an Adele song. Not just any Adele song, "Rolling in the Deep." Hollie has 20 things run through her head when she's on stage. Which is funny that she says 20 because normally people say "a million" or "tons." 20 seems like not very many things. NappyTabs has something to do with this show? What? It was really just a matter of time before someone attempted this song. Shame it had to be Hollie. It does make me laugh that she is always standing on that little platform. Also she is wearing weird pantskirts like an old lady would wear. Tommy failed. Steven Tyler: “It was perfect.” Jenny from the Block: “That’s what we mean when we say no thinking! Great job not thinking!” Randy Yo Dawg: “I’m not going to say it was perfect, but it was close to perfect. For the first time ever you had feeling, you had emotion, you’ve arrived, Hollie, VERY well done.” Me: “I guess I just didn’t see it.” Hollie says she’s been singing this song for so long. Her and every other wannabe in every other karaoke bar.
Colton is up next. Ryan feels the need to point out that his sister who “actually” auditioned is in the audience. And he needs to point out that Colton “didn’t want” to audition in the first place, which absolutely no one believes. His sister (Skylar) is just so proud of him, and thinks it’s, like, so weird and ohmigosh she’s not sure if she’ll come back next season. Colton says he’s missing the rock element so he’s going to make sure to do a rock song. Colton is dead to me. He’s singing Lady Gag. Lady Gag =/= rock. Lady Gag = ripoff of other people’s songs. Jimmy says that Lady Gag lifts people. Lady Gag does not lift me, she makes me want to jump off of things. At least Jimmy acknowledges that Colton has the female vote on his side. This is equally as terrible as the original. The best part about it is the girl drummer. Randy Yo Dawg: “We were just at the Colton Dixon CONcert right there! You were in the zone. I don’t know if it was the greatest performance. The key was a little low, but you had it so you could have the high notes. Which is what Jimmy said.” Jenny from the Block: “It was great. There were parts that I loved and parts that weren’t good, but it didn’t matter.” Me: “But it SHOULD matter. If there are bad parts, there are bad parts and that should be taken into consideration.” Steven Tyler: “You gotta get low to get high, I should know.”
Elise is up next. Jimmy tells her she has no fans, so she has to win people every week. Encouraging. She is singing “No One” by Alicia Keys. She appears to be wearing an orange tablecloth. Elise does have one of the best voices in this competition. Honestly, I would prefer her voice to Bebica OR Hollie. This was a pretty good performance. It was a great vocal, but just a little bit boring. Jenny from the Block: “You let go so naturally. First goosies of the night. Smile more.” Steven Tyler: “I love you lots. You sang your little tushy off, it was great, it was delicious.” Randy Yo Dawg: “You have a strong voice, you sang it great, you stayed with the melody for a change, this is one that just sings itself.” Elise’s dog is dying. That’s sad. Everyone vote for her.
Phillip is up next. He’s singing Usher? Huh? He’s singing “You Got it Bad.” That’s strange. Could it be as epic as David Cook and Billie Jean? Possibly. The sax girl is up there with him. I enjoy this tremendously. I loved that. The judges did too. Steven Tyler: “You fool us all the way down the line. No chump love, sucka!” Me: “What?” Jenny from the Block: “That was sexy.” Me: “And THAT was inappropriate. You’re 40 years old. He’s 20?” Randy Yo Dawg: “I smile when I see you. You’re a true artist.”
Bebica is up next. Jimmy says Bebica should not be in the bottom three if she sang “Yankee Doodle Dandy.” Bebica needs to connect emotionally, Jimmy says. Personally, I could take a little less emotion from her. She’s singing “Fallin” by Alicia Keys, which is possibly the most played out song in the last 12 years. Also, Bebica is ready for the impending thunderstorms, judging by all those umbrellas. Steven Tyler: “That song is like you’re mad. You sang it well.” Jenny from the Block: “You’re a baby and you were juggling balls in the air. I’m glad we saved you.” Randy Yo Dawg: “I don’t know if you know how good you really are. I love it. Brilliant. Alicia holla at the dawg!” Namedrop: 1? Maybe? Bebica claims that she thought the judges hated her and didn’t even want her to sing for her life. Everyone believes that as much as they believe that Colton didn’t want to audition.
Skylar is up next. Apparently, Lady Gag did a country version of “Born this Way.” That doesn’t mean it needs to be shared with the world. The fiddle player/violin player looks like he really would like to be in the Twilight movies. He’s got this creepy weird stalker vampire look in his eye. Ok, so here’s the situation. I love me some Skylar Laine and she can honestly sing the phone book for me for you. But I despise all things involving Lady Gag and so I’m torn. On the one hand, Skylar sang that well. On the other hand, she could have chosen 1,000,000,000,000,000 better songs than that. Jenny from the Block: “I love that version! A more perfect song for you does not exist.” Me: “False.” Steven Tyler: “I’m so glad you were born that way. You’re giving all the other girls a run for their money. A lot of people vote country and western and you can cross over.” Randy Yo Dawg: “You put your own spin on that. You are beyond ready.”
Joshua Ledet (the black guy) is up next. He is going to sing “I Believe” by Fantasia. Actually, it’s by whoever rights the really really lame finale song at the end of AI, because that’s the song Fantasia sang when she won. But anywho. This is full of wonderful gospel-y moments. That was strange. He ended in the middle of the chorus. What a stupid arrangement. Anyway, that was incredible. His voice is awesome. Randy Yo Dawg: “You stayed in the melody and you’re one of the most incredible talents.” Jenny from the Block: “You leave it all on the stage every single time. I feel blessed that you’re in this competition and we get to watch you.” Steven Tyler: “It’s another stepping stone to win. You could sing the phone book. There’s nothing else to say.” Ryan makes things so awkward sometimes….
Hollie reminds me of Polly Pocket. The Liverpool Football Club wishes Hollie luck. Okie doke.
Apparently the contestants are singing songs in homage to “Soul Train.” So I don’t really know what that means.
Hollie is singing “Son of a Preacher Man.” To which Paul says, “She’s an ambitious one, isn’t she?” And she’s returned to her very calculated movements. Oh, and her sharp notes, and her long drawn out endings. Randy Yo Dawg: “I was scared, but you worked it out.” Jenny from the Block: “This song was better than the first time, and you did really great then!” Steven Tyler: “I see it too. I heard it first, and I still think you can push it even more. I close my eyes when you’re singing and I picture you doing all this other stuff, but then you’re just standing there.” Me: “I enjoy Steven Tyler’s judging more than any other judge. It just makes zero sense.”
Colton is singing “September” by Earth, Wind, and Fire. I don’t know how I didn’t notice this before, but Colton and his sister now have at least sort of the same color hair. That ridiculous patch of red hair is silly. This is probably the most enjoyable performance of his. I still don’t want him to win, but I can appreciate that performance. Steven Tyler: “I love your voice, but you have to find the just right song. Your voice is a little too powerful.” Jenny from the Block: “I don’t know if that was the perfect performance. We love you making things your own.” Randy Yo Dawg: “You could have gone even more out of your comfort zone. You should have done Lil Wayne.” Namedrop: 2. Also, Lil Wayne counts as soul train? What?
Elise is singing “Let’s Get it On” and this is an amazing performance. I always find this song slightly awkward, but that was just all around enjoyable. Jenny from the Block: “You always sound so good, and I respect your voice and everything that you do. You don’t like to show emotion too much. I’d like to see more emotion. People want to see that you’re a human.” Paul: “No, no, no, the reason is that 70% of your voters are 13 years old.” Steven Tyler: “Take it up a notch. You have to find the songs that will win America’s heart.” Randy Yo Dawg: “That song choice wasn’t really right for your voice. It repeatedly tells me you don’t know what you’re doing. When Al Green, I mean, uh, uh, uh, when he did it, when Marvin Gaye did it….then a bunch of stuff that doesn’t matter because RANDY JACKSON MESSED UP HIS OWN NAME DROP!!!!!! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!” Namedrop: 4, but intended to only be 3.
Phillip is singing “In the Midnight Hour.” It was great. He kind of looks like a chicken when he moves around during his performances. Randy Yo Dawg: “Exactly what you need is always what you have.” Me: “Mr. Miyagi Jackson” Jenny from the Block: “I want to do that little step witchu.” Steven Tyler: “You’re brilliantly awkward.”
Bebica is singing “Try a Little Tenderness.” I’m genuinely concerned that she is going to hurt her vocal chords singing like that. It was just not pleasant to listen to. Steven Tyler: “I like that you’re steppin’ out.” Jenny from the Block: “We got a little bit of your alter ego. You need to work on connecting” Me: “There is no alter ego, it’s silly.” Randy Yo Dawg: “Yes, you need to work on connecting.” Me: “The judges just want people to have nervous breakdowns on stage.”
Skylar is singing “Heard it Through the Grapevine.” The stalker vampire guy is following her again. I enjoy this more than the other performance. Randy Yo Dawg: “This is interesting. You and Phillip have no problem connecting and feeling, you just do what you do. Every time you’re on stage there’s a party. Jenny from the Block: “You’re doing a good job up there the past few weeks, you should be proud.” Steven Tyler: “You’re a wild horse, you’re something else.”
Joshua (the black guy) is singing “A Change is Gonna Come.” That was really good. Jenny from the Block is jumping. Steven Tyler: “You had restraint in the beginning, which made it big when it popped. Your voice climbs inside of everybody.” Jenny from the Block: “You know exactly what you’re doing.” Randy Yo Dawg: “Sam Cooke sang quartet, which not many people know what that is.” Me: “Yes Randy, most people DO know what that is.” Randy Yo Dawg: “That was the perfect song for you. We have the best talent of any show on TV.”
Bottom three should be: Bebica, Hollie, Colton
Going home: Hollie or Bebica