Thursday, May 10, 2012

Top 4 Perform and Hollie Cavanagh Sings for the Last Time I Hope: Edit: PEACE OUT HOLLIE!

Jenny from the Block looks like she rolled around in a tub of glue and then rolled around in a tub of glitter. At least she's wearing something on her bottom half, as opposed to Cristina on The Voice finale. That was atrocious. The top 4 are going to sing 2 songs. First they will sing songs by bands from California or about California (weird). Then they will sing a song they wish they had written. Phillip did not think he would make it through the audition round. His family is encouraging. Except last week his BIL told him "Time of the Season" was not good. Which was true. He is singing "Have You Ever Seen the Rain?" by CCR. He is accompanied by The Most Emotionally Involved Saxophonist in the History of American Idol. This is remarkably copycat for Phillip Phillips. Although I do like the syncopation in the second verse. That's nice. I also enjoy the organ. Anyway, that was fine. Probably like a 7/10 stars for me for you. Steven Tyler: "The road to success is always under construction." Jenny from the Block: "You sang like that with cottonmouth? You sound like Joe Cocker." Randy Yo Dawg (who looks like an old lady's couch): "It started out rough, but then you smiled, and you fell into the money and it was sensational from that moment on out. When you have a good time, we all have a good time." Me: "It was fine, it was a little more copycat than I would like. I feel like maybe he's getting overconfident. But what do I know, right? I also think Hollie is the worst of the bunch." Speaking of Hollie, she is going to sing "Faithfully." Oh fantastic, it's my nightmare. A Journey song. I predict a ton of namedropping from Randy Yo Dawg. He played bass for Journey, you know. He's never mentioned it, I realize, but this reporter has done extensive research and discovered that this is the case. Hollie is discussing how she auditioned last year, finally. Why no one has mentioned this before now, I have no idea. This is actually a decent performance. I'm not jumping up and down exactly, but it's a good vocal. I'd say it's about a 6/10 I guess what I don't like about her is that she is very calculated. Like I don't sense the passion behind her singing. She's too scientific about it. Like after her long note just there she put the mic down and looked over her shoulder, it just seems so calculated, like she was already planning her next moment. Randy Yo Dawg: "You're peaking at the right time, Jennifer challenged you and you've been slaying us every week, I love that song, I was in Journey, you know. I loved my time with them. Steve Perry." Me: "She's been slaying us every week? I must not have been watching every week." Jenny from the Block: "I'm going to cry because of your journey. I'm very clever." Steven Tyler: "You have blossomed and creativity is a delicate flower and you make it bloom with positive affirmations. Like Jennifer. Over the top." Hollie had to have someone explain the meaning of that song to her. Uh. I don't really know how to respond to that. Jason DeRulo has a broken neck and wants me to write his song. Nope. Write your own stinkin' song. Joshua is going to sing "You Raise Me Up." Also, Joshua apparently auditioned last year in N.O. They must not have shown his audition. I feel like I would have remembered that. He and his family are deathly afraid of flying. This is awesome. 9/10. His voice is just flawless. Jenny from the Block: "The whole world knows what I think of Joshua already. This is going to be interesting because we have amazing singers. I knew this top 4 was going to happen." Me: "Oh shut up, you did not know Hollie would be in the top 4." Steven Tyler: "I'm glad you got on the plane. You are the plane. You sang your tush off. Fear is courage that said it's prayers. You say your prayers." Randy Yo Dawg: "I never thought you would take Josh Groban to "chuch." You're an amazing artist with a ginormous career ahead of you." Joshua may win this whole thing. Bebica has no skill other than singing. At least that's how I interpreted what she just said. She is singing "Steal Away" by Etta James. Why does she feel the need to sing songs by people who are either dead or close to it? She's 16 years old. You wanna talk about a 1 trick pony? The only thing she does different is sing songs that are different tempos. Other than that, she is ALWAYS growling, ALWAYS singing songs that are too old for her, ALWAYS gyrating provocatively, and ALWAYS using too much vibrato. Jenny from the Block: "You've been growling since you were how old? You are one of the best singers I've ever seen." Steven Tyler: "I loved it. I'm doing an Etta James song and you nailed it. You're shaking off the old you and changing." Me: "She hasn't changed at. all." Randy Yo Dawg: "I love that you are 16 and singing Etta James. You can sing anything. Everybody says "they can sing the phone book", you can sing the phone book." Me: "No one says that but you Randy Yo Dawg." This was about a 6/10. Phillip and Joshua are singing "This Love." I love this because there are two pianos. I hate this because they are WALKING ON THE PIANO. In spite of that blatant act of blasphemy, that was great. Steven Tyler: "Perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect. Brilliant. Perfect. Marriage. Perfect." Jenny from the Block: "It's hard to find songs you could sing together, but that was perfect, it would be like Adam Levine and Usher coming together." Me: "That's racist Jennifer. What do you think all white people and all black people look alike? GOSH!" Disclaimer: totally kidding. Please do not add me to the list of crazy people that pull the race card at every drop of the hat. Randy Yo Dawg: "It's a great song, Adam Levine and Maroon 5 sang the I don't know what out of it. I thought it sounded amazing." Then he did some weird accent thing. Joshua giggles in Phillip's presence. Just a statement. The Olympics commercial about Mother's makes me hope Landry is an Olympian. Bebica and Hollie are singing some "Eternal Flame." They are also swinging on large strands of fabric. This is nonsense. That was a hot mess. Randy Yo Dawg: "That was a little strange for me. I just didn't like it. I thought it was weird." I wish that the judges said that more frequently. Just, I thought it was weird. That's all. Nothing else. Jenny from the Block: "I don't know if it was that bad." Steven Tyler: "You just didn't sing your song the way they sang their song. That's all." I'm cracking up because Phillip and Joshua are swinging on those stupid swings while the judges are giving feedback. The contestants got to see "Rock of Ages" footage with Adam Shankman and Julianne Hough. I like Adam Shankman on SYTYCD. I would potentially enjoy this movie if it weren't for Tom Cruise. As it is, though, Tom Cruise is possibly the most annoying person on the face of the Earth. Plus he's an idiot. Ryan is talking to Adam Shankman who claims that Tom Cruise can sing. Ryan is dating Julianne Hough. So now he is acting like he is going to propose, but really he just wants Julianne to pass a note to Tom Cruise. Which is interesting. Just a statement. Now the Top 4 are singing a song together. What is happening? Why aren't we just doing the performances? It's like all filler all the time. It's ridiculous. I'm not watching this. Phillip Phillips is excited to jam with his guys at home, and eat at something called "El Maya." He is going to sing "Volcano" by Damien Rice. Jimmy says it's exactly right. I've never heard this song. I enjoy this performance though. The cellist. The background singer. It was really UNIQUE and pretty. 8/10. Steven Tyler: "I agree with Jimmy, I heard the musician. You sang like you dug the way you sung." Me: "What?" Jenny from the Block: "Very few people could have pulled that off on a competition show like this. It's a testament to who you are. For me, it was one of the most beautiful poignant moments. The girls helped too. The singer and the, the musician." Me: "It's a cellist. I know it's hard for someone who only uses electronic music from a computer to recognize musical instruments." Randy Yo Dawg: "Amazing, amazing, amazing." Hollie is going to sing "I Can't Make You Love Me." Nope. You definitely can NOT make me love you. Jimmy says she can't oversing. So this will undoubtedly fail. Oh, it's just such a going home song. It makes me smile. Did she even think about that when she chose this song? I mean seriously, "here in the dark, in these final hours, I can't make you love me, if you don't." Complete with the choir teacher hand showing me the pitch. Speaking of pitch, that key change was so off-key. I give this a 4/10 and that's being generous. Steven Tyler: "Jimmy was right you have to have gone through a bunch of things to sing it. It's not about singing the words it's about how you say them." Jenny from the Block: "I feel like you knew it had to be emotional and there was too much vibrato. For me for you it wasn't as good." Me: "The for me for you is spreading!" Randy Yo Dawg: "You're not Bonnie Raitt, you're not that kind of singer. It was the wrong choice at the wrong time, there were no moments." Hollie loved the song and she felt it, so the rest of us can go jump off a bridge, apparently. Jenny from the Block is performing tomorrow night. I hope she's wearing clothes. Joshua is singing "It's a Man's Man's Man's World." This will be phenomenal. Wow. Goodness gracious that was incredible. If anyone says otherwise they just simply were not listening. Steven Tyler: "I've never heard anything like that in my life." Jenny from the Block: "We thought we had seen everything you had to give. We hadn't. I have to speak Spanish "pasion", "corazon"." Me: "That's not really difficult to translate, J-Lo. You can't do better than that?" Randy Yo Dawg: "This is a time where you have to forget what everyone else is doing. That was one of the best performances of any singing show, including ours. If anyone needs to know how to connect to a song, watch Joshua Ledet, he's taking everybody to school." The judges say they went to church. Ryan wants to know where Joshua's transformation comes from. Instead of taking the opportunity to say, "God" he says he doesn't know. That's disappointing. Bebica is singing Jennifer Holliday's "I'm Telling You." Bebica says she's singing it because she got saved. Not "got saved" like found Jesus, "got saved" like did not get eliminated. Jimmy says this could be the performance that wins it for her. This really is phenomenal. She is SUCH a better singer than Hollie. Steven Tyler: "Another winning performance. That's what we were talking about, getting out of yourself. That's what you just did. Congratulations." Jenny from the Block: "I don't know who's going to win. There's nothing to say. So I'll keep talking." Me: "That is such a pet peeve." Randy Yo Dawg: "I don't know what's going on tonight but you, Joshua, and Phillip are now in it to win it. I'm finally saying it. Julian Lennon is in the house." Me: "Wow. That's John Lennon's kid. Weird." Results: The contestants sang "California Dreamin'." It was as awkward as it sounds. Ford Commercial. No one cares. Why isn't Phillip ever in the commercials? Jimmy says Phillip Phillips found his true identity. Jimmy says he would sign Phillip if he had seen him at a club randomly. Ryan is tricking everyone and not actually giving results. Jimmy says Hollie's annoying habits worked in "Faithfully" but "I Can't Make You Love Me" was terrible. Jimmy said she did not understand the song and she crashed and burned. David Cook is performing. He's great. Jimmy says Joshua did too much to "You Raise Me Up" and it let him down. I disagree. But I sort of see what he's saying. Jimmy says Joshua created a piece of magic that is very rarely seen on American Idol. And Jimmy wants to see it repeatedly. Jimmy says Bebica did a great job but impersonating an old jazz singer was not a good idea. He also said what I said about doing the same thing over and over. Jimmy says her second song was flawless because she brought everything in the correct proportions. Jimmy also says he has no idea who will win. Jenny from the Block performed. She wore clothes. It was whatever. The judges all said random things about the contestants. Bebica is safe. Joshua is safe. Hollie and Phillip. Phillip is not necessarily the bottom 2. Interesting. Phillip is safe. Hollie is finally gone. VINDICATION!

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