They've combed the country, thrown out some perfectly good contestants....and THIS....is American Idol.
At this point, is it necessary to keep telling everyone who the judges and host are? I think we've got it.
Apparently the stage is fancy. It looks the same to me.
This week we'll go from a Top 12 to a Top 10, with the Judges adding in their wild card picks. Which...I'm assuming....will make it a...Top...12....again? Anyone?
Randy Yo Dawg is the "anchor?" Randy says something about a remix and something about this being the best season ever...yada yada.
Jenny from the Block is sporting the Suzanne Sommers ponytail. She's excited for us to get to know the contestants. I think we're good.
Steven Tyler loves the crowd and thrives on attention. So Ryan gives him attention by giving him an American Idol "bleep bubble" for him to use in case he "bleeps" something up. Alrighty. Unnecessary.
Oh, right. The contestants.
Brett Lowenstern has Sanjaya hair. This does not bode well.
Stupid Clint is up first. He's a karaoke host and he thinks he's cool. I disagree. He's singing "Superstitious" Stevie Wonder. Don't sing Stevie, people. No one will ever do it justice. He is no exception. Screechy, out of tune, obnoxious, and not even remotely close to as awesome as that song is. Steven Tyler: "That was brilliant." Me: "Say wha?" J-Lo: "You had some jitters, but it was good." Me: "Come on!" Randy Yo Dawg: "Usually we would say karaoke yada yada, but no karaoke person has that much talent." Me: "Huh."
Excellent. There is online voting.
Jovany Baretto is up. He took his shirt off in his audition. He's singing "I'll Be." It's just a'ight for me for you. Nothing original. Nice voice, but nothing exciting. Steven Tyler: "Holy shipyards! You brought it again, nice job." Jenny from the Block: " People finally get to see you! They know who you are. I'm happy." Randy Yo Dawg: " I hate to break up the apple cart (?) but it felt very karaoke. You need to bring something new to it, don't just sing a cover song that's not nearly as good as the original." I agree with Randy.
Stupid Jordan is up. I despise him as a person. He's singing "OMG" by Usher. This is a very strange song choice. It's my least favorite thing I've ever seen. From the horrible dancing to the weird popping/locking to the poor attempt at falsetto. Steven Tyler: " Jordan, I'm going to be honest, it wasn't my favorite performance." Jenny from the Block: "I don't think that's who you are. Is that who you want to be as an artist?" Jordan: "No, no, no." Me: "Um, you chose the song, slick." Randy Yo Dawg: "Bring something new to the song. When you went up to the falsetto, it was pitchy."
Tim Halperin is up now. I enjoy him. He's singing "Street Corner Symphony", and it rocks. It's groovy, it fits his voice. I really liked it. Steven Tyler: "You know I don't think that did you any justice." Crowd: "Boo." Steven Tyler: "Yeah, well, nevertheless...I've heard you sing so much better." Jenny from the Block: "I just don't think that's your strength. It just didn't show America who you really are."
Randy Yo Dawg: "I think you've been much better before." I feel like the judges are redundant.
Tim has exuberant friends and family members. Yipes.
Sanjaya Lowenstern is next. He's crazy awkward. Kind of like Sanjaya. Wow. He's singing "Light My Fire." At first he starts in this super low key and it's a little interesting and mysterious. And then it just becomes crazy awkward. He must have forgotten to use hairspray or something because his hair will not stay in place. He keeps having to toss his head to move his hair out of his face. Or into his face. I'm not sure which. Everyone just seems to be looking at him awkwardly. Steven Tyler: "You did it again. You were great." Jenny from the Block: "There was more hair tossing in that then me and Beyonce put together in the last 10 years. I really liked it, I liked that you made it your performance." Randy Yo Dawg: "There were 14 hair flips in that." Brett: "I was unaware I was doing it." Paul: "Well there's no shortage of people that annoy me this year." Randy: "You did your thing. You're fun. You were pitchy in the beginning but you worked it out."
I hope they have Harry Connick Jr. as a guest judge this year so he can explain that "pitchy" is not a real description.
James Durbin is up. Sigh. I do not want to listen to this. I have no idea what he's "singing." Paul: "Is he trying to be Adam Lambert?" THAT, my people, is why I married this man. Oh, he's screaming, I'm fast forwarding. I refuse to listen to indulgent screaming. Sorry. They all love him. It's ridiculous. James is wearing a scarf on his pants as a "rocker" statement and Randy acts like he's never seen anything like it. Uh. Randy? Steven Tyler kind of did that, like, all the time. It's kind of a Steven Tyler trademark. Oh, and that "distinct" style James has with the screaming and the girly moves and the shouting that's been done before too. By Adam Lambert. Who did not, in fact, win American Idol. So that should give you a clue about where America stands about this whole situation you've got here. Mmmkay? Mmmkay.
Robbie Rosen is up. I really don't like a lot of the boys. He's singing that Sarah Maclachlan song about angels. He's changed up the arrangement. It might be too changed. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I don't particularly enjoy his voice. I kind of nothing this performance. He seems like a nice boy. Steven: "You can sing a ballad like nobody's business. It was beautiful." Jenny from the Block: "You tell a story when you sing songs. All the notes weren't perfectly perfect, but you made choices that I loved. You're a special singer." Randy Yo Dawg: " I differ with my cohArts. You had some trouble with the pitch, it didn't all connect." Robbie: "I had fun with it." Me: "Just because you have fun, doesn't mean it was good."
Scotty is up. He's singing a country song. I love that country twang in his voice. He's trying really hard to be cool. Paul just said "It's much better if you don't look at him." I love that he has such range in his voice. That really deep country twang and then the nice mid range stuff. It's good! Steven Tyler: "I don't think you could have picked a better song to represent yourself." Jenny from the Block: "You were born to sing country music." Randy Yo Dawg: "Love that you switched it up. Love that you are a throwback country guy, you're not trying to sing country and cross over into pop." Love it!
Stefano Langone is up. He's singing "Just the Way You Are" Bruno Mars. He has a nice voice. I am enjoying this. There are some moments out of tune ("pitchy") but overall, it's a nice performance. Steven Tyler: "I love that your voice cut through the air in this room. I can always tell when you're on it because of that vein in your forehead. You're so good man." Jenny from the Block: "You're so consistent. I know I'm going to groove with you." Randy Yo Dawg: "It was good. That high note in the false was a little sharp, but it was really good."
Paul McDonald is up. I love him. He's singing "Maggie." And he vaguely sounds like Rod Stewart. But I love it. He has this weird Jack Sparrow/Steven Tyler/drunk dude walk going on. But I love his voice and his demeanor. I'm for it. Steven Tyler: "You got character about your voice and I love that." Jenny from the Block: "You have character in the way you move too. Your smile lights up the whole place. It was a good performance." Randy Yo Dawg: "You're so unique and different and I like the possibility that Idol can embrace this kind of a singer. It bodes well for us." I don't know what Randy is talking about. That was weird.
Jacob Lusk is up. He oversings, but he has a good voice. He's singing "A House is Not a Home." He really does have a good voice. That range! I enjoyed it. Paul is snoring. Steven Tyler: "Divine intervention that brought you here. I'm honored to be in your presence." Jenny from the Block: "Luther Vandross was my favorite singer ever. And that's what is so exciting about this show because, he's gone, and now we have you." Randy Yo Dawg: "You bring something else to the table. We're lucky to have you."
Casey Abrams is up. I lovelovelove him. Idyllwild dude, Mom. He's singing "I Put a Spell on You." Man! This is funky! It's deliciously filthy, funky. And so, so good. That is how you do it. Steven Tyler: "You are crazy good." Jenny from the Block: "You're sexy Casey. You're gonna redefine what this whole thing is, and you know what? Somebody wants it bad." Randy Yo Dawg: "I love how you transform yourself into that song. More more more!" I loved that. It was exactly right.
Here's who I would vote for.
Casey Abrams
Paul McDonald
Tim Halperin
Jacob Lusk
Stefano Langone
Scotty McCreery
The one going home this week is Jovany Baretto.
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