This. Is. America.

The contestants wanted to be things when they grew up. Scotty wanted to be an astronaut but his brains weren't astronaut material. Poor Scotty, now he'll just be famous because of a television show.

I know I've said this already, but I really don't enjoy the new opening song thing.

Jenny from the Block thinks she's in an Austin Powers movie. That dress couldn't be any more inappropriately short if it tried.

Ooohhhh....Steven Tyler is sparkly. Incidentally, I played Guitar Hero Aerosmith today and was reminded of how much the Steven Tyler character looks like the real Steven Tyler.

Group sing. JacobPaul's microphone was not on. Foreshadowing? I hope. Also it was in the wrong key. All in all, this was a strange hodgepodge of "Born to Be Wild" and a song I've never heard.

Lee DeWyze and the Black Eyed Peas will be here tonight. I'm apathetic about both.

Ford commercial. Lauren has been kidnapped by Paul. Haley and Stefano are in love? James Durbin is a villain. And the rest of them enjoy going to drive-in movie theaters.

There's a compilation CD for American Idol 10th anniversary. Way to not be in the 21st century.

Karen Rodriguez makes weird noises with her throat and thinks we don't know she speaks Spanish. We know.

JacobPaul is a square. Hokay.

Naima is being very serious about saying strange words.

Haley is correcting the interviewers questions. HAHAHAHAHA!!!! The interviewer just made Haley hold the sign in front of her face. That was awesome.

Pia thinks her dog sings. Oh hush. LOL On read this to Paul he asked "Doesn't Pia have a Miss America Pageant to get to somewhere?"

Lauren claims she has no accent and her dog is cuter than everyone else's. She actually is a little bit funny. Unlike Kellie Pickler.

Kieran is a) a dude (this is news to me) and b) Irish so he (!) makes the dim lights green and plays Riverdance.

JacobPaul, Casey, and Lauren are up first. Ryan asks Randy Yo Dawg what the key is to overcoming pitch problems. This is in reference to JacobPaul's atrocious pitch. Me: You have to not be tone deaf. Randy Yo Dawg: " Clearly, you have to be able to know what the note is in order to sing it." Me: Right. That's what I said. Jenny from the Block: "They also have to be able to hear themselves." Me: Oh shut up. I spend the majority of my Sunday mornings not being able to hear myself and I manage to not have garish pitch problems. JacobPaul is safe. Dumb.

Lauren is feeling better. She is safe. She has many colors in her hair. And she's wearing terrible fringe boots. Again.

Casey Abrams is up. Steven is asked what the ingredients are in the "goop" he said Casey had. Steven Tyler: "Really Ryan? It's the stuff that is creativity." Casey is safe. Uh-duh.

Haley and Paul are up. I predict Haley in the bottom 3. Haley thinks she can do Rock/Funk/Blues all together. I disagree. Steven is being quoted a lot this evening. Haley is in the bottom 3. Paul is safe. I'll take it.

Lee DeWyze (most underwhelming winner of American Idol ever) is singing. Someone named Pit Bull is in the audience now. Ryan makes a big deal of it. Even though Pit Bull is also sitting next to Marc Anthony. Jenny from the Block's husband. Lee is singing. He's a nice enough person, I'm sure. I just....really? He won? I'm sorry Lee. You're being skipped. He's talking to Ryan now. Nope, still boring.

Haley is chillin' on the Tool Stool.

Scotty, Pia, and James are up. Scotty is safe. Pia is safe. James is up. He has to be safe. Steven Tyler is asked if he sees himself when James sings. He says no. He's joking. I think Steven is less than amused by Ryan's inane questions, just like Simon was, BUT Steven Tyler is better at masking it than Simon was.

Stefano and Naima are up. If my predictions are going to be true, Naima should be in the bottom 3. I'm smart.

Karen and Thia are up. If Thia goes to the bottom 3, I will be 3 for 3.

Ryan reminds us what Steven said about Karen's ethnic what it is ness. Steven interrupts him and tells him not to ask. I think Steven Tyler is great.

Thia is wearing Pocahontas braids. She insists she's not just a ballad singer. I don't buy it.

Karen is in the bottom 3. I'm a little surprised by this. I guess I'll be putting up with Pocahontas a bit more.

Black Eyed Peas. Ryan says whoever wins could battle against the Black Eyed Peas on the charts. Oh please, the last AI winner who could CONTEND with the Black Eyed Peas as far as popularity is concerned is Carrie Underwood. Face it, you're not producing the superstars you had hoped. Anyway....

So, when the Black Eyed Peas were on the Super Bowl half time show, my little nephew woke up from his nap, stood at the top of the stairs, watched for about a minute and declared "Mommy, I think these people are just too strange for me. They're just strange." I have to say I agree with the wisdom of Lukas T. Adams.

Karen, Naima, and Haley are back in the middle. Naima is safe. YES! I will be pleased with the departure of either of these people. But mostly Haley.

Karen is going to sing for her life. She's going to sing Hero. Oh my gravy, we know you speak Spanish. This. Is. America. Naima is trying really hard to feel it, but failing. Casey is giving her a fist pump. Y'know for being longtime friends with her, Pia doesn't seem too shaken up by this whole thing. Just sayin', Pia is probably a mean girl. Her Mom believes in her. So we should keep you? Randy Yo Dawg says no. He also says it's not unanimous and Jenny from the Block is quite obviously upset about it.

Well, that was it. I'm pleased with the outcome of this elimination.