Jon Bon and friends.

The AI crew is letting us know that they, too, are doing their part to help Japan. Also of note, Jenny from the Block and Steven Tyler have similar hairstyles this evening.

Hooray it's baby week, where we all have to, oh I mean get to, see pictures of the contestants as babies.

Naima is the same age as me. Wow. Her Mom used to wrap her "African style" and sing with her on stage. That's cool. I really enjoy her. She's singing Tina Turner "What's Love Got to do With it." I enjoy the band in this song, she's struggling with the pitch in parts of this though. She also has soul crusher earrings. Regardless of all of these facts however, I enjoy her tremendously. Steven Tyler: "Naima you just opened a can of whoop-de-doo on us! You have a sorcerer's grasp on melody and I just loved it. Why are you wearing my shirt?" This is what I think he said. I refuse to rewind and rewatch so I'm goin' with it. Jenny from the Block: "I love your flavor. I gave you a pass on the pitchiness last week, but I see you are consistently pitchy, so I need you to pay attention." Randy Yo Dawg: "Jennifer is right." Me: I agree. But it was still fun.

Paul McDonald is up. He is also the same age as me. He is singing Elton John "I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues." I'm stoked for this. Stoked. They have strange backup singers. Like from a high school choir. His voice is very Rod Stewart. I want him to play the guitar again. Why is no one playing instruments this season? Did they take that component out? I have to admit, this is underwhelming. Jenny from the Block appears to be enjoying it. Paul (my Paul): "Not as good as Elton." Me: stares blankly. "No Kidding!" Gotta hand it to Elton, man can rock a song. So anyway, back to Paul McDonald, he totally lost the tempo at the end and showed that he was struggling. Bad move, dawg. Jenny from the Block: "I know you felt like you were struggling, but it sounded so good baby, and you have so much soul and so much star quality, it overcame that." Randy Yo Dawg: "I differ with Jennifer a little bit, I'm not going to give you a pass because you have a cold, because everybody gets a cold, but this is what I like about you, blahdeblahdeblahdeblah Ray LaMontagne, you find a way to make it your own, like, I'm not Elton, I'm gonna put the Paul spin on it." Name drop: 2 Steven Tyler: "I agree with Randy you were off on notes a little bit, but you define cool dude and loose mood." Me: Steven Tyler=Dr. Seuss.

Thia was born in 1995. That's ridiculous. She's singing "Colors of the Wind." Are you serious? Pocahontas? All the songs in 1995 and you sing Pocahontas? That's just dumb. Blue corn moon. What does that even MEAN? Also, please sing a song that is slightly upbeat should you manage to make it to next week. Seriously and for real. I obviously dislike this. She's a one trick pony. "My name is Thia and I sing slow pretty songs so you can hear my disturbingly low voice, even though it's really pretty." Randy Yo Dawg: "The vocals were ok, but the problem that I'm having, everybody's booing, I haven't even said anything and they're booing. For me, it's like you sing ballads every week and this was just boring, I felt like I was at a pageant somewhere, there was nothing special, unique about it, and you have the talent. It was just so safe and so boring." Me: Randy Jackson, don't ever leave this show, because then it will just be 3 people telling everyone that they look pretty and have flavor. Steven Tyler: "You have a beautiful voice, but is that who you think you are?" Thia: "I thought it suited perfectly with you know what's going on in the world today, so I thought the lyrics suited very perfectly with the, you know, but it was 1995 and I thought it was the best choice out of all the choices." I promise you that's exactly what she said. She was coached by Miss South Carolina. Me: I don't think you actually know what's going on in the world today. As a matter of fact, just because I have this kind of time (sarcasm)....There were plenty of viable options for her to sing for 1995, "Total Eclipse of the Heart", "I'll Stand By You", "Gangsta's Paradise" just to name a few....Jenny from the Block: "We loved your tone, you have an Adele quality, it was a little safe, but I hear in your vibrato I'm not sure if it's nervousness or if it's just you, but push out of the box and kill it next week." Peggy Blue is here. She must be drunk because she looks like she enjoyed it.

James Durbin is up next. Maybe he'll continue on his "I don't hate you that much" streak. Kate Hudson is here, and she's eating Cheetos and is embarrassed. James, Stefano, Casey, and Paul are in a band. He was born in 1989. Evidently, we are making the parents sing too. James played with dolls as a child. Alrighty. He's singing "I'll Be there for You" by Bon Jovi. Please. Don't. Scream. Please. He's back to wearing a tail. I've never heard this song. I love it. Love it. There was a scream, but it was of value to the song. I love it. I don't love him, yet. But I loved the song. Steven Tyler: "What was up with the dolls? Also, I have leftover sandwiches under my bed older than you. Don't get poppy on me." James: "You had some good music in '89 as well." Me: He is aware. We are all aware. Stop sucking up, he can't vote for you. James is a little bit on the cocky side. It's kind of crazy. He just said he would like to sing Aerosmith with Steven at the finale. Cocky. Jenny from the Block: "A good singer makes you sing along, and I was singing along. It was great!" Randy Yo Dawg: "There were a couple spots where you were pitchy. Jon Bon and the band are great, but you made it your own, you put your high note in but it was tasteful." Me: I agree with Yo Dawg. But who is Jon Bon? No one calls him that, I'm fairly certain. Name drop: 3

Haley was born in 1990. Her parents are hippies. She's singing a song that I did not hear the name of because I was busy voting for someone who is actually good. Dear Haley, you didn't need to dress like it was 1990. But thanks for the gaudy red lipstick, the crazy silk boatneck, and the horrible spandex pants. I have heard this song before, but I prefer to not be yelled at. There were some pleasant notes. Oh, the crazy red lipstick has smeared. Jenny from the Block: "You look beautiful. *pauses and looks at her, notices lipstick smears* oh...yeah, so you're really tense, you need to just relax." Ryan is fixing her lipstick. Randy Yo Dawg: "I'm confused by you. I don't think you know who you are. The vocals were just ok. I'm just confused." He also had 3 name drops in there. Bringing the total to 6. Steven Tyler: "Sing more Janis Joplin." Haley: "It's 1990, not...1969." Me: "SHUT UP!"

House is new next week. YAY!

Stefano is up. He was born in 1989. These contestants are babies! Stefano had a large head as a child. As my husband's grandma would say, he was a big-headed kid. Can I take this opportunity to say again, that Jimmy Iovine is a fantastic addition to this show? I love it. He's singing "If You Don't Know Me By Now." I love his voice. He got a haircut. See I was confused by this choice, because it was originally done in 1972. But then redone in 1989. Apparently there were slim pickings for songs from 1989. This is beautiful. I love it. The last note was a little scary, but he pulled it out. Randy Yo Dawg: "Yo, originally recorded by Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes (namedrop 7), best performance of the night so far." Me: I don't know about that, but it was really really good. Steven: "Beautiful phrasing. You're going to make Jimmy Iovine more famouser." Me: Grammar police. Jenny from the Block: "You could take this thing, if you just sing into my eyes." Me: Ok, creeper. He's sweet, he just ran down to hug his mama and he's so happy! :D

Pia was born in 1988. She's singing "Where Do Broken Hearts Go?" by Whitney Houston. Of course she is. She is wearing a terrible terrible pantsuit. Is this what the original sounds like?? 'Cause this is cheesetastic. Paul just said this is her Hazmat suit for the nuclear fallout. Too soon, Paul. Too soon. She just had a crazy high note. If you're going to change the key, make sure you can sing all the notes. That's all I'm sayin'. Steven Tyler: "You are why this show is called American Idol. You took that song over the top. You nailed it." Jenny from the Block: "I was glad you did something up tempo." Apparently, that means the song is usually slow. Randy Yo Dawg: "Pia is in this competition to win it!" Me: That is the goal, yes.

Scotty McCreery was born last week. Or in 1993. He loved Elvis and sang it in the back of the bus. People thought he was weird. My brother knows his pain. "Can I Trust You With My Heart?" by Travis Tritt. He's going to stay country. Good news. Please stop with the smirk/tilt. It's the George W. Bush smirk! He reminds me of George W. Bush with the smirking! This makes me love him! It was fine. Cute. Decent. There is much screaming from the audience. Jenny from the Block: "Scotty you pushed it out there. I want to see you keep going in that direction." Randy Yo Dawg: "So happy you did a song with my dear friend Travis Tritt (8), I love that you take chances. Keep taking chances." Steven Tyler: "Keep knowing who you are and you're going to go places." Me: I will give him a vote.

Karen was born in 1989. She's singing a song I have never ever heard of. She's channeling Selenas again. She's wearing killer boots and soulcrusher earrings. One of her killer boots is taller than the other and it's bugging me. This is boring. Wow that note was bad. She switches to Espanol unnecessarily after saying in the package that she didn't want to be the "Spanish singer." Randy Yo Dawg: "Yo. It started rough. I think it was better than last week, but I'm not jumping up and down, but welcome back." Me: It stayed rough Randy. Steven Tyler: "I love when you go into your ethnic what it is ness." Jennifer Lopez: "If you can't hit a note, don't try it." Me: Wisdom!

Casey Abrams was born in 1991. What?! Wow, his parents are hippies. From Idyllwild, so that's not surprising. His parents are fantastic. He's singing Nirvana! "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and I believe he may be playing guitar. I'm so excited! He's playing bass. I love him. I love him. He is very talented. That was fantastic!!!!! Steven Tyler: "You're so crazy and talented. That's the perfect match. It's the goop that good stuff is made of." Me: You should know Steven Tyler. Jenny from the Block: "Kurt Cobain, that's some big shoes to fill. There were parts that were screamy screechy (Me:???), it still has to sound pleasant (Me:??????????)." Me: Uh, Pia didn't sound pleasant a second ago and nobody called her on it. Also, glad you're tum-tum feels better Casey. And finally, it's Nirvana, not Taylor Swift. Randy Yo Dawg: "Me being the best thing to have happened to music, like great bands (3, bringing the total to 10), you love taking risks. I love that you're putting art first. You're fearless." A Taylor Swift reference!

Lauren Alaina is becoming annoying. She was born in 1994. She is becoming Kellie Pickler. Who I do not enjoy. She's singing a Melissa Etheridge song, "And I'm the Only One." Her parents are young. And strange. I enjoy this. If she could just sing and never ever speak, we'd be on great terms. Jenny from the Block: "Very nice. You made it your own." Randy Yo Dawg: "That was very nice. Have a cold every week." Steven Tyler: "I agree. You're beautiful. You're a shining star." Agreed. I will now go vote online and annoy people who read my Facebook but not this blog.

Jacob Paul is up next. His Mom thinks she can sing. He is begging us not to let her sing. He was born in 1987. He's going to sing "Alone" by Heart. Girl song. And, Alison already killed this song in her season. Paul thinks he is Francesca from Survivor and is commenting on how confused he is. Oversinging. Lots of oversinging. Key change. Why is everyone changing the keys? Well, correction, people that think they can sing the key changes (Pia, Karen, JacobPaul) are changing the keys. Paul: "You don't get me alone." That was unpleasant. Randy Yo Dawg: "Yo man, listen. When you hit the modulation you were sharp and you got it in a couple bars. You didn't overpower it." Me: He didn't??!!?? Steven Tyler: "Your Momma may not be able to sing, but she gave you the Moxie you have now. The gospel had a baby and named it Jacob Lusk." Paul: "What does that mean?" Jenny from the Block: "I love that you give yourself completely to every performance. We all feel that." Me: It was bad, people. Bad.

Here's my ranking:
Casey Abrams*
James Durbin*
Lauren Alaina*
Stefano Langone*
Scotty McCreery*
Naima Adedapo
Karen Rodriguez
Pia Toscano
Jacob Lusk
Paul McDonald
Haley Reinhart
Thia Megia

Bottom Three: Thia, Naima, Haley. Going home: Naima (unjustified)