FINALLY!

This is American Idol. I heard through the grapevine that Sir Elton would be on the show. I doubt this truth, but here's hoping.

The contestants are here.

I feel like JacobPaul's granny could use some help with making posters for him. Her posters look vaguely like a kindergartener's handiwork.

The contestants have been divided into groups. Why? Lauren and Scotty are going to sing "I Told You So." They are looking lovingly into each other's eyes and singing to each other. It's a little sappy, but really rather pleasant. That harmony at the end was very nice! I love them both. Scotty is very much a one trick pony, but I still love him. And now they go over for their results. Lauren is already crying. They are both safe! Yay!

The Ford Music Video. No, I have not been playing the Ford Music Video Challenge. And I refuse to start now. Apparently Naima has really cold breath. That's what I got from that commercial.

Ryan confirms that Casey will not shave off his whole beard. Thank you, Ryan. I was definitely waiting with bated breath for that. OMGravy, do I really have to listen to James freak out about wrestling again? LET IT GO! Wrestling=fake!

Naima and Jacob are singing together? There's obviously no rhyme or reason to these groupings. Unless we're pairing people that are unable to sing on pitch. This is horrible. Naima is wearing a terrible dress and soulcrusher earrings. They're singing something called "Solid." Also, Naima pulled out her monitor and now it looks like she has a crazy antenna. They literally just gave a fist pump at the end. Jacob makes way too many faces. Stop it! One of them is in the bottom three. It's Naima. I'm now one for one. She almost didn't make it into the Tool Stool. What with her crazy fringey dress and tall shoes.

Fantasia is going to sing "Collard Greens and Cornbread." She is a DIVA! Her hair is very Billie Holiday. Also, she's doing the Ashthon "Hey". No, Fantasia I have never had love like collard greens and cornbread. But thank you for asking. I'm still gonna watch you though because, frankly, I need to hear some real singing. I really dig the "Ooh ooh ooh" part the background singers are doing. I'm gonna bust that out one of these Sundays! For some reason, Fantasia just stopped her song to say "Steven, I love you." And Steven practically melted. Girl can SING! Ryan is either really short or Fantasia is really tall. Fantasia tells the contestants to love music even when it's not peaches and cream. All this talk of food makes me hungry...

Haley, Thia, Pia are going to sing. I just threw up a little bit in my mouth. They're going to sing "Firework." I hate Katy Perry. Not gonna lie, I like this song. Well, the music video anyway. But on the whole, do not enjoy Katy. So far we have 2 poo squats. 2 planes. And Pia is wearing awful pants. They do nothing for her derriere. Sorry. I'd like to point out that Thia did not sing by herself at all. Foreshadowing? What's happening with Jenny from the Block's hair? It's very "lady of the night" tonight. Pia is safe to direct air traffic tomorrow as Paul and I fly to Dallas. Haley is safe because American Idol hates me. And Thia is headed to the Tool Stools. I had Haley in the bottom three over Thia. I've been not so hot with my predictions since we got to the voting portion. I've overestimated the intelligence of the American voters, evidently. I should have known...I mean, 2008 elections? California gubernatorial? Wait, that's my husband's realm.

Oh sad, the Idols had to move out of their mansion because the rain was leaking. How sad.

We're seeing Casey experience the elimination that wasn't and I'm getting weepy. I love him.

Paul, Casey, Stefano, and James are in a band. They are now going to play for us singing "Band on the Run." They do not suck. I'm singing along. Casey makes awesome faces and head movements while playing. That was quite enjoyable! Out of these 4, either Paul McDonald or Stefano Langone are in the bottom 3. Ryan says if Casey knew how many votes he got, he'd be very proud. Operation Save Casey has had a successful first round. James is safe. Shun still on. Stefano or Paul is in the bottom three. I already said that. Paul is in the bottom 3. Dang it. I was 33% accurate this go around.

So out of those three...I predict Naima and Thia go home.

Jamie Foxx and Will.I.Am. are going to sing. They have a whole drum corp on the stage with them. Apparently it's promoting "Rio" as well! I don't prefer to listen to robots sing. There is so much autotune on their vocals I'm dying on the inside. I now have zero desire to see "Rio."

Paul, Thia, and Naima are about to discover their fates. Paul is safe! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! I laugh because I know how upsetting this is for one of you readers. :) Naima and Thia are going home. I'm STOKED to see that Thia is gone. I'm sad that Naima is leaving. I really enjoyed her and felt like she was really unique and a genuine artist.

That's all she wrote.