Top 12 Girls Perform

Randy Yo Dawg looks like a checkerboard, Jenny from the Block looks like she's drowning in tinsel, and Steven Tyler looks like a crazy rockstar...oh wait that last one is accurate.

Jenny from the Block says all the girls are special and pretty. Paul: "Do you really think we're stupid. You always say the same thing every year." Me: "SHE doesn't always say it." I love me.

Randy Yo Dawg says we have to ask ourselves if this is American Idol. Okey dokey, Aristotle.

Steven Tyler admits he's addicted to adrenaline. Yeah...that's it. Steven Tyler lets us know that it's a full moon coming and we're going there. Hooray!

Top 12 ladies. Naima looks pretty in yellow. Rachel Zevita looks like Elizabeth Taylor.

Tatynisa (the one who forgot her lyrics. Twice.) She's wearing terrible shoes. I have no idea what she's singing. But it's terrible. Flat. Oh. Randy heard it too. Not pleasant. She's squatting like she's trying to poo. I shall dub this the "poo squat." She wants to feel like the only girl in the world. Steven Tyler: "Beautiful way to open the show. You sang the song beautifully." Jenny from the Block: "It's good that it's over now. You brought it home." Randy Yo Dawg: "I differ from them. I think that it was just O. Kay. It paled in comparison to Rihanna's version." Randy Jackson: unlikely voice of reason. Ryan: "So how are we supposed to vote now?" Jenny from the Block: "You know, there was movement in the crowd." Paul: "Well, she did have a movement."

She is terrible.

Naima Adedapo is up next. Paul thinks she looks like Predator. She's wearing a pretty yellow crazy dress. She's singing "Summertime." This is a little gimmicky for me. But I enjoy her voice. I must say it's surprisingly unique. That end note was to die for!!!!!!!! Very nice, Miss Naima. Very nice! Jenny from the Block: "You bring color, you're like an exotic flower." Naima: "That's what my name means." Jenny from the Block: "Oh really? Well, good." *Awkward turtle.* Randy Yo Dawg: "It was kind of lounge act-y for me in the beginning, but by the end with that note, I was like, "Yo!"" Steven: "I take you personally. It was like early Ella Fitzgerald, this is what America needs right now." I enjoyed this. She will get a vote.

Kendra or something is up. She emotes way too much with her hands. I find her to be irritating. She kind of reminds me of Betty Boop with her crazy bouncing up and down and wannabe seductive eyes. Randy Yo Dawg: "I was afraid when I saw you were going to do this song. Because Cristina was great, but I really liked it." I apparently do not know enough songs. Or I just don't listen to Cristina Aguilera. Steven Tyler: "It's amazing what your voice can do to a song." Jenny from the Block: "You belong here, I hope you know that, we're just scratching the surface with you." These judges are boh-ring.

Rachel is up. Oh dear goodness. I don't know what this song is. At first I thought it was "Fever." She is in the wrong key for her voice. And apparently, everyone but Tatynisa got the "sing something with a jazz feel" memo. But back to the key, the majority of it is really low and breathy, like she's having trouble singing. It's almost like she's shouting the lyrics. When she does the falsetto stuff, it's better, but it's still just meh. Man, I was really hoping she would do well. Steven Tyler: "It felt a little too Broadway for me." Rachel: "I think that's the one thing that I haven't sung." Steven Tyler: "something that sounded like Oscar the Grouch." Jenny from the Block: "So I guess that's the question? How do you want America to see you? Do you want them to see you as a Broadway performer or as a recording artist right now?" Randy Yo Dawg: "It wasn't great, it wasn't good. I halfway didn't recognize the Fiona Apple song "Criminal." Dear Randy Yo Dawg, thanks for namedropping these songs for me, because I honestly do not know what half these songs are. They should really put the names of the songs on the screen too. Or at least announce them. C'mon Ryan, do your job!

K-Rod! She's singing Mariah Carey's "Hero." I knew one! Oh and she looks gorgeous. She's singing in Espanol. It's American Idol, yo. This is America. Paul is being underwhelmed. She just changed keys and the audience got up on their collective feet. Oh, sweet, she said "I love you, Mom!" and her Mom is crying like a baby. That was awesome, actually. She has an effortless range. I'm jealous. Jenny from the Block: "Wow. Wow. Wow. I love that you changed from English to Spanish and showed what your flavor is." That guy from the auditions that told Randy he was chocolate would say that K-Rod is mocha flavored. Randy Yo Dawg: "I like that you figure out a way to make it you. I even thought the Spanish was better than the English." Steven Tyler: "Definitely a one of a kind singer, you should sing that song with Jacob Lusk." K-Rod: "He's my best friend in this competition." Wait, I thought K-Rod and Pia were BFFs? Wha' happen?! I will vote for her.

We can vote for the ending of Jenny from the Block's new video. I'm good. Thanks, though.

Lauren Turner is up. She has weird shoes and she's doing the poo squat. She's also singing a jazz song. Seriously, people. What's happening? I can only assume this is called "7 Day Fool" because she's said it 1000 times. Paul: "She's very clingy." If you didn't actually watch the episode you may not get it. Randy Yo Dawg: "That's how you do it, man!" Paul: "That's not nice, Randy." Me: "What? That he called her a man?" Steven Tyler: "That was spectacular! It was a complete sentence." Jenny from the Block: "Your voice is undeniable. I need you to be there physically." I need her to not wear shoes like that again. Also her dress makes her look like a box. Sorry Lauren, you my girl, but you look like a box. I'm voting for her, though. It was groovy.

Ryan is talking and James feels the need to get all up on him. He's annoying.

Ashthon is up. I love this girl. I also love her hair. I do not love this performance. She has something all over her, apparently. I suggest you take a shower and wash it off, then! Steven Tyler: "You have confidence of a queen. We found one." You found one what, exactly? Jenny from the Block: "You have all the makings of a diva. The hair, the body, the composure, the confidence, amazing, really, really great." Randy Yo Dawg: "I didn't enjoy the song, it's very Monica, but I think you can do better. You're Diana Ross." I agree with Randy. I didn't like the song, but I'll vote for her because I don't want her to go.

Julie is up. She's singing Kelly Clarkson. She looks like a ballerina, or like she should be in a Taylor Swift video. She's singing "Breakaway" and emoting with her arms. Paul is now mimicking her. It's pretty hilarious actually. I am very upset by this performance. Not the right song for her for me for you. Tangent: Kendra or something is clapping for Julie and even her clap annoys me. She's very bouncy. Like a yo-yo. Jenny from the Block: "You feel good? Ok, listen, I liked it but it wasn't the best performance." Nice set up, Jen. Randy Yo Dawg: "Kelly Clarkson sang this song and you didn't bring anything new to it." Steven Tyler: "Great chorus on that song, but wrong song for you." That feels like a discombobulated description, Mr. Tyler.

Haley Reinhardt. I predict much poo squatting from this one. She's singing "Fallin'" by Alicia Keyes. Poo squat. She sings interestingly. When she sings the low notes she almost growls them. She sounds like she might be belching when she does it. But her voice is just interesting enough that it makes me want to listen to her sing. I don't hate this performance. I don't know if I'll vote for it, but I don't hate it. Randy Yo Dawg: "Yo, Hay. Lee. Alicia did it awesome, but it just did nothing for YOU. That was just a little karaoke." Haley: barfing in her mouth face. Paul: "She has the crazy eyes." Steven Tyler: "You know what, man, I didn't hear that at all. I heard just the right amount of style and just the right amount of sexy." Jenny from the Block: "I agree with Steven. The one thing I will say is you need to get out of your head." I think she needs to not have such a large head. No vote for you.

Thia is up. I hate Thia. She murdered 4,000 pigeons for her dress. Wow. I take it back. She has a beautiful voice and is quite impressive. That was very pretty and very beautiful. Steven Tyler: "Sometimes a person's pitch can be so perfect that it doesn't matter what song they sing. You just did that. That was just beautiful." Jenny from the Block: "That was a really really special, quiet moment in the middle of all of those big performances." Randy Yo Dawg: "It's been said that great singers have an amazing tone. Your tone sounds like the late, great Michael Jackson." What in the world?

Lauren Alaina is up. Please don't mess this up.

She's singing Reba! That's amazing! And it was amazing! Perfect song choice for her. I love her. She will win this competition. Jenny from the Block: "You look so beautiful. You don't even have to try. The voice is just so effortless, I know there's more, it's just so great to see." Randy Yo Dawg: "You have a natural talent. I don't even think you even know how good you are. You remind me of Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood." Steven Tyler: "Just because you can sing into the stratosphere doesn't mean you should every time. You didn't on that song, but you kill me. I love you, you're the best." Lauren calls Ryan Peaches because he's from Georgia. I will now call him Peaches.

Pia Toscano is up. I forgot about her. She's singing "I'll Stand By You." I predict that Randy talks about Carrie singing this song. This is nice. It's just kind of meh. She's very pretty. Ok, it got better at the end. Still not 100% awesome, but better. The judges are all standing and Jenny from the Block is borderline Paula-ing. Randy Yo Dawg: "Yo. This is our first standing O, you just put yourself in the top of amazing performers who go on to do amazing things." Steven Tyler: "Even a week sings WTF, that was unbelievable, congrats." Steven is on drugs. Jenny from the Block: "I knew you were a standout but I feel like you were saving that for when it counts. It was beautiful."

Here's my order of votes. * mean I actually voted for them. I think Rachel or Tatynisa may be going home. I hope it's Tatynisa.

Lauren A.*
Pia*
K-Rod*
Thia*
Lauren T.*
Ashthon*
Julie*
Rachel
Haley
Kendra
Tatynisa