Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Operation Save Casey

As noted, last week I declared that I would MAKE Casey Abrams win this competition. I intend to do just that.

We're reliving the drama of it all, hope is renewed, no second chances. And. Away. We. Go.

I'd like to welcome the people from Kriste's work who are reading this blog. I don't know you, but I'm glad you're fans! :)

Oh. Ryan has new hair. Dislike.

It's Elton John night? I'm for it! I mean I know he's a little, uh, unique. But Sir Elton can for SURE rock a song. AmIright, or amIright? Please don't ever compare Elton John to the travesty that is Lady Gaga. K? K. Elton John is one of the musicians that I would love to see perform live before I die.

All of the contestants are gettin' pretty with makeup and new clothes.

Scotty will always be a North Carolina boy. Elton John has a country song? "Country Comfort." I have to admit, I'm gettin' a little tired of Scotty. Jimmy Iovine is my American Idol soulmate. He just referred to a contestant as a one trick pony. I do that all the time! Scotty is playing his geetar. And smirking. He gives a shoutout to his Grandma and it's very cute. Please don't run down and hug her though....Also, he only has one robot monitor in his ear. This song is the same as every other song he's ever sung, even with the really deep low note at the end. Scotty is a one trick pony. But Scotty will stay forever. Steven Tyler: "There's nothing I could say to you that an old-fashioned pair of high heeled cowboy boots wouldn't fix. You did it again for me Scotty." Me: "He's going to squash a bug? He needs to dance a two step? He's rummaging around in Elton's closet? What does that even MEAN?" Jenny from the Block:" As the show goes on you get in your head and you have instincts and never doubt yourself." Me: "Huh?" Randy Yo Dawg: "I don't know if anyone noticed but we were just at Scotty's place bar and restaurant brought to you by American Idol. You have seasoned so much during this show." Me: "He's a steak? I'm very confused by the judges tonight."

Naima is going reggae. Why am I not surprised? She's singing "I'm Still Standing." I'm cautiously excited for this. I like it. I don't recognize "I'm Still Standing" at all. Except the chorus. And I don't see the need for the Bob Marley wannabe accent. But she put her flare on it. And I enjoyed it. I enjoy her. Sorry Gutmans.... Jenny from the Block: "I love you. I believe you are supposed to be still standing. I liked your reggae swag, but I don't know if this song was suited for that. Not all songs can be flipped 180 or 360 or whatever you want to call it." Me: "So, you did well in geometry did you?" Randy Yo Dawg: "I gotta agree with my friend Jennifer here. I love reggae but it kinda came off kinda corny." Me: "I can see what he's saying. There was some corn being distributed." Steven Tyler: "Boom-shaka-laka-laka baby. Good for you for picking a song that fits you." Ryan just called out Randy on his for me for you nonsense. Bwahahaha. She only had one robot monitor.

Paul is up. He used to eat dollar menus. I feel like maybe he should have ordered off of them instead of just eating them. He's going to sing "Rocket Man." Dude, not a song to touch. Just, leave it alone. He should also stop wearing his mariachi costume all the time. I hate this. I finally hate something Paul McDonald is doing. I think his voice is interesting, but he's ruining this song. Like, almost how Adam Lambert eviscerated "Ring of Fire" two seasons ago. I won't let that go, people. This is very boring. Also, he only has one robot monitor. Randy Yo Dawg: "We heard some quiet comfort from Paul. There were some pitchy parts in there. You have more power. Go all the way. We believe." Me: "I don't believe." Steven Tyler: "Did you water your suit? I love your voice. Everyone in the top 12 has made it through. There's going to be something on every album that somebody maybe is not going to like. I like that you miss notes." Me: "So you're bad at math too, Steven." Jenny from the Block: "Push, push, push." Steven now thinks they want Paul McDonald to have a baby and is demonstrating his Lamaze breathing.

Pia loves glam. Pa. Geant. Queen. Oh! Shocking! She's singing a ballad. "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me." A) I love this song. B)Seriously, a ballad. C) Do not screw this up. Jimmy Iovine thinks Randy Jackson is wrong about all the ballads. So far she's directed air traffic 3 times. 4. 5. Her voice is fine. That note was pitchy. 6. 7. 8. 9. Pitchy. 10. 11. 12. She landed an entire fleet of aircraft while singing that song. There were some really sharp moments pitch-wise. Steven Tyler: "You've done it again. Some people may have been wrong when they told you not to sing ballads. Some songs make me cry inside. That's about as good as it gets." Me: "Randy Yo Dawg is not wrong. Also, what's happening with the crazy feedback? Control the sound Boy Kieran." Jenny from the Block: "He's right, the notes take us to an otherworldly place. I felt you more than I have before. You're trying to break the barrier. Next week you're going to pick up your leg and stomp on the floor." Me: "Oh so she's going to tantrum." Randy Yo Dawg: "I said you slay the ballads every time, I'm just trying to switch up gears. The world knows you can sing. Pia was great once again! I heard Whitney, Mariah." Me: "Namedrop 2." Jenny from the Block will not stop talking. She's interrupted everyone tonight! It's crazy. Ryan Seacrest is trying to mediate the argument between Randy Yo Dawg and Steven Tyler and Jenny won't shut her trap.

Stefano is singing "Tiny Dancer." Jimmy cracks the whip with these kids! One robot monitor. This feels awkward. He's ahead of the beat during the chorus. It's freaking me out. Jenny from the Block: "You took our notes you're connecting with the audience that's what matters." Me: "That, and singing well." Randy Yo Dawg: "What I loved about this performance is that you started connecting with the audience. I like that you were moving around. When you hit the high notes you were right on." Me: "Pitch wise yes, rhythmically not so much. Steven Tyler: "You have a sweet thing to your voice, I think your voice is a little Broadway. You nailed it." Me: "Huh."

Lauren Alaina thinks everything is "fayncy." She's singing "Candle in the Wind." Isn't this the Princess Di song? She's wearing her fringe boots in her rehearsal. Those can go back in the closet with the mariachi suit. She ripped out her robot monitor. Huh. Oh and she's staying on pitch. Lauren is fantastic tonight. She's beautiful and is killing this song. This is why I said she would win from the beginning. She needs to sing this well every week. That was gorgeous. Randy Yo Dawg: " Elton John is one of the greatest songwriters ever, that's one of the greatest songs ever written, and that was the best Lauren Alaina performance ever." Me: "Yup." Steven Tyler: "Lauren Alaina, I loved you from the moment you laid eyes on me. We knew what you were all about from the first night we heard her. You keep singing like that and you'll be able to afford the rest of that dress." Me: "Oh I love Steven Tyler." Jenny from the Block: "Amazing, beautiful." Ryan asks her how it felt to sing a ballad. She turns around and points at James. She's happy. Jennifer Lopez is amazing. Steven Tyler is right on. And Randy. Is she intoxicated? She really should not be allowed to talk.

James Durbin loves to wear makeup. Uh-huh. He's still obsessed with Hulk Hogan. He's even still wearing the shirt. He's singing "Saturday Night's Alright." James told Jimmy no. Uh-oh. He's milking the audience. Do not stand on that piano. I hate James Durbin again. The piano is now on fire. I'm not even breathing. I hate this. So many things could go wrong. And he's screaming. James Durbin is dead to me. Shun on. And that note was flat at the end. Unnecessary roughness on the Idol stage. Penalty. Steven Tyler: "You brought the heat. Don't wear out your welcome. You'll end up like me." Jenny from the Block: "I forget this is a competition." Randy Yo Dawg: "You had fun with the burning of the piano and the running around." Me: I hate it. I hate him. Please don't win.

Thia who should have gone home last week. And for SURE should go home this week. She's singing "Daniel." This is boring. Again. She has a very pretty voice. But she's very boring. Jenny from the Block: "Thia Megia! That was beautiful. It was really beautiful. It was a beautiful moment for you." Me: "It will be beautiful if she leaves." Randy Yo Dawg: "It was a very relaxed side of you. There was some pitchy parts. It was still very safe. Interesting night tonight." Steven Tyler: "When you find the right song, a voice appears." I love that Steven is so concise.

Ryan is reminding us for the 1,000,000th time that Casey was saved last week. Casey is going to model. Jimmy made him rewatch his performance last week and told him it was terrible. Casey is singing "Your Song." I love this song so much. So so so so much. Ohhhh....so much! Casey is trimming his hair and beard. This is awesome. So awesome. Love it. Love him. Glad I voted for him 10 times tonight before I even watched his performance. I literally just gasped and started clapping. I loved it. Randy Yo Dawg: "Yo. Yo. Ok so Casey, Yo. I'm sure that I speak for my fellow judges I think it's one of the greatest saves we've ever had, saving you. Hearing you sing, but not lose all of what you are, was absolutely brilliant. Very nice choice." Steven Tyler: "I have to concur that one of the finest moments on the show was putting you through. The thing about you is that you sing different every time. That shows a true artist." Me: "EXACTLY! See, thank you for not being a one trick pony like Pia, Thia, Scotty, James." Jenny from the Block: "Along the way we've had to make some hard decisions and send some really great people home. I've lost sleep over that. One decision I didn't lose sleep over was saving you." Great people= Chris Medina. Not letting that go either.

JacobPaul. Blerg. The photographer just said Jacob had a bunch of different faces. Bahahahaha! He's singing "Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word." Mary J. Blige was in the room. Jimmy Iovine thinks Jacob can overdramatize. WHAT?! IS HE CRAZY?! JACOB NEVER DOES THAT!!!!! See what I did there? This is already dumb with the steam and the frowning. He has two robot monitors. Just sayin'. He obviously is a crazy. "What do I gotta do to make you love me?" Me: "Stop singing." "What do I gotta do to be heard?" Me: "Open your mouth a little wider, I don't think all the people on the other side of the world can hear your screechtasticness." He was still pitchy even with two robot monitors. DEAD. TO. ME. Ryan promised us a gentler Jacob. I did not see that. Steven Tyler: "Jacob I watch how far out there or in there you get when you sing. The first half blew me away. The second half was equal." Me: "Math was definitely not your strong suit." Jenny from the Block: "Good job Tricky Stewart for the arrangement. Really beautiful. That last note, you don't see that everyday." Me: "Except he attempts to do it all the dingdang time." Randy Yo Dawg: "You know I love you, I thought it was beautiful. The first half was brilliant. You have a racehorse in your tank. Give me one spot to go all the way up." Me: "Ok, apparently something was not said by the judges about the second half of the song. I feel like maybe JacobPaul whines so much about people critiquing his pitch that they are just giving in. Very poor behavior management."

Haley is next. Way to end on a terrible note. She's singing "Bennie and the Jets." Jimmy recorded Elton John once. Wow. Dude is legend. Wait for it. Dary. She's sitting on the piano. That's annoying. I was hoping she'd stay up there so I wouldn't have to see the poo-squattage. She is spastic with her arms. She's extremely annoying. The tone was fine I suppose. And the song was good, only because it's an awesome song. Jenny from the Block: "That was it! Great way to end the show." Randy Yo Dawg: "Best performance of the night so far." Me: Randy has Alzheimer's. He's already forgotten what Lauren and Casey did this evening. Steven Tyler: "You sing sexy." And that's why she's still here. Stupid girls with their stupid pretty hair and stupid long legs.

Ranking
Casey************
Lauren
Pia (sigh)
James (sigh)
JacobPaul (sigh)
Naima
Thia (sigh)
Stefano
Scotty
Paul
Haley

Bottom 3: Haley, Naima, Stefano. Going home, Stefano and Naima. Because I'm being punished.

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