I heard a rumor that tonight's episode has been pre-recorded and is not live. I find this appalling. But whatever.
Jenny from the Block is wearing Selena lipstick. Ay-yi-yi!
The Top 13 are debuting and tonight they'll be singing a song by their personal idol. This should be fun. I predict James Durbin sings Adam Lambert.
Jimmy Iovine is here and I loved him during auditions. He went Simon on some peeps.
Lauren is singing Shania Twain "Any Man of Mine." Never heard it, but I feel good about country music on her. One of the producers she worked with looks like Oscar the Grouch. I don't feel this song on her, doesn't seem age appropriate for her. She's 16. She shouldn't know any men. Also she's trying to square dance while singing. And it's not working. It was slightly awkward. Steven is up first, he wanted it to be more kick-butt. But he didn't say butt. I'd agree with that. Jenny from the Block tells her she doesn't have to try, but she needs to kick it into high gear. Srsly, Selena lipstick. Randy Yo Dawg: "Yo, Shania Twain is awesome. But we want to see the girl we first saw. It didn't shine beyond belief." Lauren had a good taahm. Good for her, but she would have a better taahm if she didn't choose a slightly awkward song. She called Ryan "Peaches." Please don't make me stop loving you, Lauren!
Casey Abrams is up. His idol is Joe Cocker. He's singing "With a Little Help from My Friends." Yesssss. Jimmy Iovine is wearing earphones unnecessarily. Casey Abrams says Joe Cocker has gravel in his voice and is unattractive, so he's inspired Casey to look/sound like he does. Sounds good. Oh, maybe the earphones are necessary. Now Jimmy is wearing them. He's singing on the stairs. Oh I love this. I'm voting for him. Jenny from the Block: "Casey! You know what? At one point, I grabbed Randy and said what am I watching right now? Wow. Blew me away." Randy Yo Dawg: "Jen was watching Idol Season 10 the remix." Me: Randy, we know what season it is. Steven Tyler: "You're a rainbow of talent and a plethora of passion." I love Steven Tyler. Voting.
Ashthon Jones is singing Diana Ross "When You Tell Me that You Love Me." Never heard it. I enjoyed it. The mix was off. Like her voice was a lot louder than the band/background vocals. It should be louder but it was like a LOT louder. I'm kind of sensitive to that stuff though, so I don't know. Randy Yo Dawg: "Yo. Barry Gordy is here!" Name drop count=3. Randy: "I liked it, you paid attention to the notes. I think you did yourself some good with that. I liked it." Steven Tyler: "I agree with Randy. I think there's more in you than you're showing us, and you're going to. I got confidence in you." Jenny from the Block: "You're elegant and professional and I love you." Thanks Selena. Not voting for her, but it was like a 7.5/10 on the scale. For me for you.
Paul McDonald's idol is Ryan Adams. Who? What? He's singing something called "Come Pick Me Up." He's working with Oscar the Grouch too! He looks like he should talk with a British accent. But he doesn't. He also looks like Jack Sparrow. Like he's had a lot of rum. A lot. I do not love this. It's all about song choice, people. Song. Choice. The last line is "I wish you would." I wish you would sing something else. Anything else. Steven Tyler: "I like the rasp. You can sing any song it ends up sounding like yours." Steven just popped a pill. No joke. Possibly a cough drop because he sounds kind of coldish. Strange. Selena: "I love watching people watch you. You're so unique. I hope America gets it. I don't know Ryan Adams or that song." Me: Translation: you're crazy. Randy Yo Dawg: "Rod Stewart, Ryan Adams, Whiskeytown, Wilco, Don Wells, I love you." Name drop count: 8. Ryan and Paul are now doing the "Paul McDonald." That's probably the funniest thing I've seen all day.
Ryan is having a Coke with Pia. She's telling Ryan what she's been doing for the last week. Cause he has no idea. Her idol is Celine Dion. I really thought she was going to say Selena for a second and I was about to scream. She's singing "All By Myself." We LITERALLY just watched an episode of "How I Met Your Mother" that this song was on. This is a Celine Dion song? Are we sure? She's shiny. And she lost part of her dress, it looks like. This is pretty. She has a very pretty voice. Wow. Get that note, girl! Her left hand is having a moment. All by itself. Quit with the crazy hands. That was a loud, emoting, shiny song. Selena: "Really beautiful. We wanted to know what you would do to top last week, and there it is." Randy: "Yo. It's Season 10. Mariah, Whitney, Celine. You can do it." Namedrop: 11. Steven Tyler: "That was the sum total of everything you've done up until now. Happy Woman's Day, by the way." It's Woman's Day? I'm a woman!
James Durbin looks up to Paul McCartney. James now has 3 points in his favor. He's singing "Maybe I'm Amazed." I'm sorry, he does not have Asperger's. I may not hate this. Unless he screams. Also, we're rocking scarves again. Yeah, if he could just keep singing like this all the time, we would be ok. He now has 6 points. Oh. There's some screaming. But he tamed it. My heavens, I may vote for James Durbin. Dear Jim Jonsin, thank you. Randy Yo Dawg: "Yo. You're my favorite. Journey. Judas Priest. Paul McCartney. You can do anything." Name drop: 14. Steven Tyler: "You've taken everything you have ever felt and kicked it into next week." Me: Huh? Selena: "You have a melodic quality to your voice. You can actually sing. You're everything." I don't know man. He still has a little bit of that cockiness that annoys me to no end. But I can appreciate his musicality.
Haley (Paul's favorite) idolizes Leann Rimes? F'real? Okie doke. Wow, what's up mullet man!? She's working with Rock Mafia. She's singing "Blue." And she has soul crusher earrings. Shout out to SarahK. This sounds like it should be a Patsy Cline song. I nothing this. She just kinda bums me out. Steven Tyler: "If you listen real close, you can hear the country western part of America roaring because of how good that was." Me: Where exactly is country western America? And, she doesn't strike me as country western. DUDE. Steven Tyler just said that "Blue" was apparently a song that Patsy Cline never recorded. I'm brilliant. Go me! Selena: "Good job. It was really really special." Randy Yo Dawg: "Yo. Listen. First the good parts. Last week you did Alicia Keyes, this week Leann Rimes. It was a little boring for me, if I'm being honest." Me: Keep it real, yo dawg! Oh, and only Simon can say "if I'm being ohnest." And! Namedrop: 16 Haley is arguing with Randy. Selena says that Haley is sensual. Paul: "Really? I didn't feel very sensual after listening to her."
Jacob Lusk is having Coke with Ryan. Can I just say, I always want to call him Paul Lusk? As a matter of fact, I think I will. He used to be a spa concierge. Ok. Jacob Paul loves R. Kelley. Really? Also, please sing the closet song. Oh. No. He's singing "I Believe I Can Fly." Oh Space Jam. 1,000 points if Bugs Bunny shows up during this performance. There will obviously be a choir for this performance. He really does have a beautiful voice. What just happened to the key? That was not a good key change. Oh no. Oh no no no no no no no no no no no. I wish I could fly away right now. Steven Tyler: "Pure passion. Pure music. I can't judge it. Because I'm totally wasted and really wasn't listening." Selenas: "It's hard to judge you, because my lipstick is so bright that I can't see you." Randy Yo Dawg: "We're so lucky and so blessed. Wait, we found you so I guess we're responsible for this. Go us. When people turn on the radio, they need to say that's Jacob, that's Luther, Jennifer, Steven." Namedrop: 20. Paul: "Selenas and Steven Tyler should be elementary school teachers because they sure are high on the self-esteem awards." Love that man.
Props to Randy, he called the pitch issues. I feel like Jacob Paul knows it was terrible and is equally as shocked at the judges response as I am.
Thia Megia is singing Michael Jackson. Ashthon was compared to Diana Ross. And sang Diana Ross. Thia was compared to MJ and is now singing MJ. Thia: "My idol is Michael Jackson?" Classic. She's singing "Smile." Her voice does not match her face. Like it's a lot deeper than you would expect. Paul: "You know if you close your eyes, it does sound a little bit like Michael." Me: Still laughing. Silently. Oh, and now crying. And now, it's become a Bollywood song and there's a terrible canned music track behind her. Wow. I miss Ricky Minor. That was not my favorite thing ever. And her awkward dancing was rough. Randy Yo Dawg: "I love the intro. I could hear Michael. I even heard a little Adele. It got pitchy when you started with the band. I loved the beginning more than the end." Name drop: 22. Steven Tyler: "I agree. You're so new and young. I like the front more than the end. But you gave it up." What? Selenas: "The beginning reminded me of last week. That's your strength. The arrangement was interesting. I liked seeing you move. It doesn't matter you sing like an angel." Gold stars all around. Thia felt a lot more better in the beginning of the song. This is why we don't let people that haven't graduated high school on the show. The poor grammar.
Stefano's idol is Stevie Wonder. Do Not Sing Stevie!! Polow Da Don is working with him. Cool name. He's singing "Lately." Why is the audience clapping like they're at a hoedown??? Stop it! He's out this week. I don't want him to be, but I think he's out. Selenas is either having a seizure or is really excited. Steven Tyler: "You pulled it off. By the time it ended it was like a volcano." Selenas: "I was dancing for a minute. It's not easy to take a classic song and do the dance remix. It was really you." Randy Yo Dawg: "Stevie. Very nicely done." Name drop: 23.
Karen Rodriguez is singing Selena. SELENAS!!!!!!!! Those high notes were a little weak. It was underwhelming. Selenas sings Selena better. Selenas: "You look beautiful. I could tell you were a little uncomfortable with the notes." Randy Yo Dawg: "It felt like you were fighting the song. It was a little sleepy." Steven Tyler: "I feel the same way." Succinct. Something weird is happening tonight.
Scotty is now having some Coke. He misses baseball. He idolizes Garth Brooks. He's singing "The River." This is where I decided to go to bed. So now, I'm watching the last 2 performances before I watch the elimination. The best thing of this performance is the guy playing the organ that we got to see during the opening package. Scotty has a very unique voice. He is also Smirktastic. The twang is fat. Selenas is shaking her head. Which, apparently means she loves it. This is what I mean about the mix, that accapella should have been a bigger moment. Who is running their sound?? He certainly looks like he's having fun. I didn't love or hate the performance. I nothinged it. Randy Yo Dawg: "I like seeing you and Jimmy talk about switching it up, and I loved your answer. If it ain't broke, don't think about fixing it. That's a great Garth Brooks song." Name drop: 24. Steven Tyler: "Shoot the TV and the moon, Roy Rogers. You're riding high." Selenas: "I felt you feel the audience. Feel it. Feelings. Nothing more than feelings."
Naima Adedapo idolizes Rihanna. I feel like people like Rihanna should not be considered an "idol." Tricky is working with Naima. Jimmy thinks she could make it to the top 5. Bust a move! OMGravy. I loooooved that. She was dancing. She was being Jamaican, mon. She was singing. It was awesome. Steven Tyler: "You brought flavor and I loved it." Selenas: "I don't care about all the pitchy. You were doin' it. You need to work on the control. But I'm glad you did what you did." Randy Yo Dawg: "I do care about the pitchiness. You gotta have the breath so you can keep the notes in tune. I love the whole reggae thing. Yo, make a whole reggae version of it." She just quickly rattled off a dedication to (I think) her husband. I enjoy her. She would frighten me in real life, but I do like her.
Ok, silly. Naima's number is ending in 36 because they didn't want to use "unlucky" 13. That's dumb.
Here's how I would have voted.
Casey- *****
Naima- ***
Lauren-*
James-* (I know right!?)
Bottom three: Stefano, Paul, Thia. Going home: Stefano.
Oh, and final name drop count= 24.
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