Distracted AI

I'm a little distracted with this post, but I am loyally blogging for my adoring fans.

Steven Tyler is walking around showing me clothing. Oh, it's the R&R Hall of Fame. Cool. Let's do this.

Evidently it's Rock and Roll night. Otherwise known as James Durbin night.

Jacob is going to sing "Let's Get it On." Oh, no he's not. He's going to sing "Man in the Mirror" by Michael Jackson. And he says if he's in the bottom three it's because we didn't look in the mirror. I did look in the mirror today, actually, and I looked pretty good. So there. He's detached one of the robots from his ear canal. For a second I thought his background singer was Naima. It's not. I wish I hated this. His face and dancing bug me to no end, BUT his voice is good. I'm not, like, screaming about it but he's decent. Steven gives a shout out to the girl who sang with JacobPaul. Apparently she wrote the song? I don't know. Steven says it was beautiful and he left a piece of himself out there. Jenny from the Block says he makes us know if we just think hard enough about what we want, we can do anything. Randy Yo Dawg says he's glad JacobPaul has moral conviction. He does? Interesting. I don't really think that particular MJ song counts as Rock and Roll.

Haley is up. So we're piling the ones I hate the most at the top, eh? Pia is probably next. She's singing Janis Joplin "A Little Piece of My Heart." She's going to connect with me. Please don't. Her growl does work for this song. And so far there have been zero poo...oh wait...there's one. Poo squat. That was my favorite performance of hers so far. Ever. Now we know she can impersonate Janis if this gig doesn't work out. Jenny from the Block thinks she's a contender. She also thinks she'll be around for a minute. Randy Yo Dawg: "We were right. We always are." Yes, Randy you always are. Steven Tyler couldn't find anything wrong with that. Except he said he couldn't find nothing wrong with that. Grammar police.

My boy! Casey. He's singing CCR. Stoked. With the bass. Stoked even more. I love this. Understated but still very Casey. I love the little tiny guitar that man is playing. Is it a mandolin? I should know this. I love this. So much. So so much. Randy Yo Dawg: CCR, John Fogerty, you've made the upright bass cool, ya'll. Steven Tyler: Put some wheels on it and ride that thing around town. You're a true musician. Me: A-yup! Jenny from the Block: That's where you belong. Right there wit your bass. She actually said wit. Instead of with. Casey puts pressure on himself because they saved him. Thanks for reminding us, Ryan.

Lauren is singing "Natural Woman." Naturally. Will.I.Am. who apparently is qualified to give musical advice because he "sings" tells her to be natural. I love her hair. I hate her shorts. She is rockin' this!!!! She seriously and for real has a crazy good voice. Steven Tyler tells her she is now a natural born woman and he thinks she's great. I agree. Jenny from the Block: I wasn't really sure what you were going to do this. But you were amazing. Randy Yo Dawg: You picked one of the hardest songs sung by the queen of soul her herself. The audience has been screaming out "we love you" and "you're amazing" and "marry me" and stuff during the show. It's annoying.

James Durbin is doing something different. I'll believe it when I see it.

Ryan wants to know what the judges think so far. Steven Tyler asks Ryan how the balls of his feet are. Ryan says they're flat. Jenny from the Block says everyone killed it. Randy Yo Dawg wants to know whether Ryan is wearing deodorant. I'm pretty sure Steven and Randy are just tired of Ryan asking inane questions all the time.

James is going to sing "While My Guitar Gently Weeps." He thinks this is unexpected. William (I think the periods are arrogant) says it's like everybody else is wearing blue and James is wearing purple. No. No it's not. Apparently the dude playing all the guitars is Jeff Beck. I don't know where I was when I started this post, but I obviously missed that memo. I have to hand it to James, he really does have a lovely voice. Oh, good, there's a scream. So it's not different at all. I much prefer that song when I play it on Beatles Rock Band, thank you very much. But I can appreciate his voice. So there. Jenny from the Block: It's nice to see that side. It makes the Rock and Roll side work. Randy Yo Dawg: I loved seeing the real true emotional side with that. I can tell you're emotional right now. Me: I don't understand. That song is about a crying guitar. Steven Tyler: George Harrison wrote that song. Not only the guitar gently weep, but you did as well. That's a proud moment for you. James was thinking about his family while he sang that song.

I apparently skipped Scotty. So here I go with Scotty. He's singing an Elvis song. William says Country and Rock don't go together. He's apparently never heard Johnny Cash. He's doing the sit on the stairs and smirk thing. It's getting old Scotty. He's so painfully awkward. But it's so painfully adorable. This does nothing for me. Oh my goodness, little children have stormed the stage. Randy Yo Dawg thinks Scotty is in it to win it. Dude. Everyone is in it to win it Randy Yo Dawg. Steven Tyler thought he was all hat and no cattle, but he was wrong. I heard at least 3 people use that saying in Texas this weekend. Jenny from the Block thinks Scotty is funny and that he watches rap. That's insulting to a country boy Jennifer. Not cool, girl.

Ryan is hanging out with Christian Slater. He likes the show. Cool.

Pia is singing "River Deep, Mountain High." William tells her not to be Madonna singing Tina Turner. He tells her to turn on the performance factor. I find that unlikely to happen. WHAT IS SHE WEARING??? She's wearing drapes made into a terrible jumper. She had some great notes. She had some horrible notes. She was a little less awkward than I expected, but still awkward. And she landed 4 planes. Steven Tyler: Murderer, murderer. You killed it. People are getting drunk because of you. Jenny from the Block: You can sing uptempo! I want you to research great performers so you can get to the next level. You are spectacular. Randy Yo Dawg: We all believe in you. You showed me what I already knew. Ryan thinks she looks seamless. I see the seam in that horrible jumper right now!

Stefano is singing "When a Man Loves a Woman." William tells Stefano to get in front of the song and lead it. I'm a little bit excited for this song. He is another one with a wickedly beautiful voice, but lacks a little bit of stage presence. His falsetto is delicious. Jenny from the Block knew he had it in him and it was beautiful. Magic. Randy Yo Dawg wasn't jumping up and down because the beginning was jerky. I sort of agree. Steven Tyler liked the old timey, thinks Stefano has a great range and he nailed it. It was good. Not like, top of the night, good. But good.

Paul McDonald is next. He's singing Folsom Prison Blues. Oh, honey. This better not suck. I love me some Johnny Cash. Jimmy Iovine: "There's nobody in history that is cooler than Johnny Cash." Again, I say, I love Jimmy Iovine. Jimmy and William want Paul to be crazy. Easy. Oh Mylanta. This is awesome. PAUL IS BACK!!!!! YEAH BUDDY!!!!! I love that he gets the crowd excited! THAT'S a performer, Pia!!!! WOW! It's too bad I'm watching this the day after you can vote. I got distracted last night, what can I say? Randy Yo Dawg: "Three words. I LOVED IT!" Steven Tyler: "You're a crazy character, I loved it." Jenny from the Block: "Right in your lane." Ryan just referred to Johnny Cash as "hoedown" music. Ryan is stupid.

My ranking
Casey*********
Paul
Lauren
Pia
James
Jacob
Stefano
Scotty
Haley

Bottom three: Haley, Paul, Stefano. I think Stefano's time has come. I hope Paul sticks around another week. I could really care less about Haley.