Underwhelmed

Jennifer Lopez is the world's most beautiful woman. According to People magazine anyway. I happen to think her dress this evening is ridiculous.

You know what else is ridiculous? Ryan's haircut.

Here they are. The top 6 plus Haley and Jacob. It's music in the movies week.

Oh Paul, again with the crazy suit?? Really?? He treats all of his songs like they're his encore. William is still here? Why is William still here? He's going to sing "Old Time Rock and Roll." From "Risky Business." This could be awesome. Except for his suit. Also, don't clap onto the microphone Paul. Nice saxophone girl. This is actually fairly awesome. Yay Paul! My Paul voted for that Paul. Steven likes the sax player. He would. He also wants to borrow the suit. And he loved it. Jenny from the Block thinks Paul is abandoning ship and polishing diamonds. He killed it and good job. Randy Yo Dawg thinks we just witnessed the first number at the Paul McDonald concert. Ryan makes a sax=sex joke. Not funny Ryan.

Lauren is going to sing a Miley Cyrus song. She's singing "The Climb" from the Hannah Montana movie. Jimmy Iovine said Lauren is a much much stronger singer than Miley Cyrus. Uh, DUH. Jimmy also tells Lauren to steal Pia's votes. William says she's going to bring the house down. With a Miley Cyrus song. HAHA! She looks her age tonight, finally. And this song really does suit her voice. Who sang this last year? Somebody sang and butchered this song last year. But I can't remember who. This was weaker than I wanted it to be. Could just be the fact that the song is terrible. It really is a terrible song. Jenny from the Block loved hearing her sing it. You would. Lauren has a tear (like a crying tear, not a tear in her pants) in her voice. Randy Yo Dawg loves that the original Lauren is roaring back. I believe that. Steven Tyler "Lauren you were the first Idol we thought...........................of. In the very beginning when you tried out. You moved me beyond tears." Lauren loves that song because it screams Idol. No it screams annoying. Can I just say her Mom has large hair? Like, really large hair.

Stefano is up. Paul called him Alfredo earlier. Stefano is focused on becoming a better performer. Glad someone is. Stefano thought he was going home last week. Us too, dude. William is growing on me. Jimmy gives him a hard time because he thinks he can win. I don't know, dude I'ma have to disagree with you. He's singing a Boyz II Men song from the movie "Boomerang." To which I say, "who and the what now??" It's boring and the same as he always does. Randy Yo Dawg just name dropped someone from Boyz II Men, but I have no idea how to spell his name. Stefano is in it to win it. Steven Tyler thinks Stefano knows how to milk a song and it's the beginning of the road. Jenny from the Block says he's got it. That he is now singing to win, not just to stay.

Scotty is going to sing "Cross My Heart" from "Pure Country." It's by George Strait. So it's probably a great song. Scotty is just so EARNEST when he sings. Like really over the top earnest. It would appear that many contestants have had haircuts this week. Paul and Scotty both have new hair. Either Scotty or the background singers are out of tune or off tempo or something. Oh, it's Scotty. He's flat. That's a bummer. This is annoying and boring. And Scotty is continuing to smirk and twang. Oh that "mine" note is pitchydawg. I feel like he knows it, too. Steven just loves Scotty's voice and America loves it too. That's the second time now that Steven has decided what America will say. Jenny from the Block says we want them to be tough but they're all just so good. No, Jenny they're not all just so good. You all just refuse to be "ohnest" like Simon. Sigh, I miss Simon. Randy Yo Dawg loved George Strait on Scotty and loves that he stays with his roots. I could not disagree with the judges more on this one. If there was ever a time to cite someone for being pitchydawg, it's now. Ryan just failed at an attempt to embarrass Jenny from the Block with the "most beautiful girl in the world" song again. That was an epic fail. Hilarious.

Casey is up. I've already voted for him at least 15 times, so all you haters can relax... Casey Abrams is going to sing a song by Nat King Cole. Love. He's going to sing with the bass. Love. "Nature Boy." Oh no, Jimmy Iovine is telling him to sing Phil Collins instead. What the heck??? Casey says no. He's doing "Nature Boy." Way to stick by your gut Casey. Jimmy is going to throw it down. This is incredible. Who hated this????? Oh, this is delightful. This kid is a MUSICIAN. The scatting?????? The...that....WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.........Jimmy Iovine was Dead. Wrong. Jenny from the Block told him he wouldn't win a popularity contest with this song. That works for me, because this is a SINGING COMPETITION. Jenny from the Block thinks Casey brings a special thing to music. Randy Yo Dawg is happy there are real, true artists on the show. Ah-yup. Herbie Hancock, Charles Mingus. Brilliant. The world cannot live by popstars alone. Well said, Randy Yo Dawg. Steven Tyler just said a bunch of gobbledygook that I do not have the energy to repeat. But he does throw Jimmy Iovine under the bus. Also, I don't think his shaking and crying is a "routine" by any stretch. I think he genuinely loves to perform and would be performing regardless of American Idol. And he genuinely is shocked and grateful that we (most of us) appreciate his genuine musical talent. That's my genuine feeling.

Haley is up. I hate her. Sorry. She feels that she is for sure growing as an artist. I feel that she is for sure growing more annoying each and every week. She is singing "Call Me" from "American Gigolo." Shameful ploy for votes if you ask me. Poo squat count is already high. And what's happening with the terrible boots? She looks like a lady of the evening. Sorry if that's harsh. This is like watching a trainwreck. She seriously and for real looks like she's on drugs. I obviously loved it. Or not. Randy Yo Dawg did not love it. He thinks it was karaoke. He's right. Steven Tyler agrees! Wait. What? But now he loves it. I'm confused. Jenny from the Block says it wasn't good but then insists that we vote for the girls. The judges don't know what's happening. Song selection is everything. She just figured this out. She's an idiot.

Rob Reiner and Elvira are in the audience. That's strange.

JacobPaul is being put in his place by Jimmy Iovine about the whole "you can't look yourself in the mirror" thing. Yeah. Go Jimmy! JacobPaul is deciding between "Impossible Dream" or "You'll Never Walk Alone." Jimmy tells him he can't be corny right now. Love. So he's going to sing "Bridge Over Troubled Water" instead. What? It's from "The Pursuit of Happyness." Or it's from Simon and Garfunkel. But whatevs. JacobPaul is trying to play the "humble, just grateful to be here" card. It's off-putting and irritating. Paul just said it sounds like he's singing with a mouth full of spit. I happen to think he CAN actually sing. But I've said it before and I'll continue to say it until he finally goes home, he is just so annoying. This is definitely one of the better performances of the evening. But it's a very far second from Casey, in my opinion. Also, he had some major flat notes happening. Which means no one will address it. Steven Tyler apparently just cursed because my TV cut out. He thinks Jacob puts so much of himself into the songs. Jenny from the Block can't even hear that note. That's because no one is supposed to hear that note. Randy Yo Dawg says he puts specialness into his notes. Or something like that. JacobPaul is playing the humble card. Blech.

James is up next. He is going to sing "Heavy Metal" from "Heavy Metal." James is also ignoring Jimmy Iovine. I hope he fails. He also just told Jimmy Iovine "You and I both know you can't see the potential in a hit song, just on the piano." Jimmy Iovine: "Who can't? You think I'm an accident. I've known a song was a hit from somebody just hummin' it." In yo' face, James Durbin. In. Yo. Face. James wants me to give metal a chance. No. Bo Bice is playing guitar with him???? I hate this so much. He's screaming at me. And we're wasting precious singing time watching James gyrate and that scary dude play the guitar. Stu. Pid. Jenny from the Block is screaming "Yo" and thinks that felt really, really, real. I agree with that. It felt really, really, real lame. Jenny basically just said we could have an idol that sings any type of genre. No kiddin', Jenn? Is that how this works? Randy Yo Dawg thinks James did him. Durbin Rocks! No. No. No. Steven Tyler says it was outstanding. James said America asked for it. I didn't. Oh, he also just said whatever we ask for he'll do. Ok, here's my request. STOP. SCREAMING!!!!!!!!!!

Ranking
Casey****************
JacobPaul (I know, I'm surprised too.)
Lauren
James (in spite of his antics, he can, in fact sing. He just chose not to this week).
Paul
Stefano
Scotty
Haley

Prediction (I honestly don't know why I continue to predict, I'm always wrong)
Bottom Three: Stefano, Paul, Haley
Going home: If there is any soul left in humanity, Haley. Otherwise, Stefano's time has come.