If We Can't Scuba, What Has This All Been About??

The Shiny Twins and Yo Dawg have entered the building for an exciting night of...Carole King? Really? Also, Randy Yo Dawg has his very own letter sweater circa 1950.

Can I just let you know that old ladies holding up signs declaring their love for Steven Tyler freak me out to no end? It's just not good.

Carole King plays the piano with head movements like Animal from the Muppets. It's kind of awesome. So she's written songs for a bunch of people AND she sings her own music? Coolio. Still not sure it's a great choice for the kidlets, but let's go. She did a compilation with James Taylor. Which makes her that much more awesome.

Oh my hey. What is Jacob wearing???! It looks like...I don't even know.

Also, something named Babyface is helping Jimmy Iovine this week. Jimmy Iovine does not need help.

Anyway, Jacob is up first and Jimmy tells him he has to go all out. Please don't go all out. In rehearsal he's having problems. Jimmy thinks he's an incredible singer but he's in the most jeopardy. It looks like the African American Mr. Noodle from Sesame Street. That's what it looks like. Anyway, he's singing a song called "Oh, No, Not My Baby" and pretending that he likes girls again. And he's poo squatting and screaming at the same time, which is not good for anyone involved. I do enjoy the horn section. Ok, here's what I have to say. There were two terribly sharp notes that are probably going to be overshadowed by the gyrations and facial expressions and gettin' down that just went on. He just irks me to no end. Steven: "We all knew you could sing, it's just about time you shook your tailfeathers. That character is what we've been looking for." Paul: "No. It's really not." Jenny from the Block: "There were spaces where it wasn't perfect." Me: "GASP! Someone is addressing the problems?!" Jenny from the Block: "But you saved it and it was great." Me: "Guess not." Randy Yo Dawg: "The guys said it, there were some spots that were sharp. The scatting was incredible." Me: "It was just a'ight for me, for you."

Lauren is going to sing "Where You Lead." Jimmy Iovine and Babyhead tell her to sing a high note. She sings the high note and HELLO! she should be singing that ALL the time. Lauren was starstruck when she met Hannah Cyrus. Paul was very ferklempt. He loves Hannah Montana, can't stand Miley Cyrus. What show was this the theme song of? She has awkward dance moves. And now she awkwardly got some dude to come sit on the stage while she sings about following him around. It was good. It wasn't great. But it was good. Jenny from the Block: "It brings tears to my eyes because I felt you pushing." The song was Gilmore Girls. Hello?! I'm an idiot. Or at least not a true Gilmore Girls fan. Randy Yo Dawg: "She came out with a little extra swagger. Throw down the gauntlet every time. What you did today, I don't know if I loved it for you, but I loved that you came up with a vengeance. Miley said something important, do it for you." Me: "Miley did not say anything important. Take it back." Steven Tyler: "I saw you shine when your voice broke. Keep shining, the breaking shows the character in your voice." Lauren is crying. Turns out the guy Lauren brought up on stage is 19. That's not why she's crying, but still...CREEEPERRR.

The first duet of the evening is Casey and Haley. Why, oh why is this happening?? They lurve each other. I'm going to puke. They're singing "I Feel the Earth Move Under My Feet." Oh my hey, I love this? And yes, the ? is intentional. Just goes to show, Casey makes people sound good. Sigh. Well, at least there's still hope that JacobPaul will go home. Steven Tyler: "Hey weird beard, how much do you love Haley? It showed, man. There wasn't anything about that I didn't like. Haley, gorgeous, nothing but good." Evidently, only one judge gets to weigh in on the duets.

Scotty is going to crash and burn. I predict. He's singing "You've Got a Friend." This is surprisingly pleasant. But the judges will tell him it was safe and not enough to stay in. I disagree. I think he did exactly what he needed to do to get little girls and old people to vote for that sweet little country boy's face. Randy Yo Dawg: "So Scotty, dude, you know listen, you know what was really cool about this, I'm going to slow it down, I'm going to do a whole tender moment thing, the beginning was flawless. Just one criticism, don't fall off the high notes, just gently let it come down." Steven Tyler: "I gotta echo what Randy said, when you were just singing at the top of the register, it's because you were really at the top of your register. I don't think you ever sang better." Jenny from the Block: "When we hear you sing a song like that, that's why we couldn't let you get away with what you did last week. In the beginning, you couldn't go there at all, I think it's beautiful to see you doing that."

Why is Ryan having a Coke moment with James? It's always James or JacobPaul. I frankly, do not care what either of them have to say. James is going to sing a love song. He is singing "Will You Still Love me Tomorrow?" I have an answer to that. NO! James says he thinks he can put on as big of a show with just being himself. Does that mean he hasn't been himself when he's been traipsing about pretending to be Adam Lambert? Jenny from the Block is freaking out. He's screaming again. I'm just really tired of him. He's now DEMANDING that I love him tomorrow. You are not the boss of me, James Durbin! The judges are freaking out in unison. Steven Tyler: "You hear that, you got them again. That was good, I really liked the beginning of that. That was the first song I ever made out with a girl to." Jenny from the Block: "It was magical. You had me moving up here for the first time tonight. You've had a strong week every single week." Randy Yo Dawg: "All night I've been saying who is in it to win it." Me: "It hasn't been just tonight, Dawg. It's been since Season 1." Randy:"You proved that you can sing, you're not just a rocker. You might just win the whole thing."

Lauren and Scotty are singing a duet. All together now, PREDICTABLE! They're singing "Up on the Roof." It's cheesetastic and Lauren is DEFINITELY the better singer in that combo. Jenny says Lauren sang her brains off and Scotty, you did good too. Ouch.

Casey is singing "Hidey-Ho" made popular by Blood, Sweat, and Tears. Paul's Sax player is back! I love it. I love it. It's crazy Casey, back at last. I love it. Randy Yo Dawg: "I love that you bring something new every week." Steven Tyler: "You found your niche. Nestled in all this American Idol stuff, you really work the stage well, it was the best mother...lovin' show I've ever seen. You made my scalp itch." Jenny from the Block: "You were in your element. I'd like to see you loosen up your body." What? No. It was fine the way it was.

Haley is going to sing "Beautiful." This song is strange. It's pretty-ish, but it's strange. And I enjoy her more than I have in previous weeks. Steven Tyler: "You are as beautiful as everything that song is. You nailed it just now." Jenny from the Block: "Beautiful. You have one of the best voices in this competition." Me: "Do you mean LEFT in this competition, or in general?" Randy: "I didn't like the beginning, the end was better." Me: "Uh, ok."

James and Jacob are going to sing "I'm into Something Good." They are not into anything good. They are into something very very bad. They sang to Jenny from the Block, pulled her chair out, spun her around, she nearly had a wardrobe malfunction. Steven Tyler: "I don't know that it was as great of a performance as it should have been, God knows you can sing, but man, where were you goin' with all that?" Me: "I love Steven Tyler! If I was an old lady, I would make him a disturbing sign!"

Ranking:
Casey
Haley (I know)
James (I know)
Lauren
Scotty
JacobPaul

Bottom three: JacobPaul, Haley, Lauren. I think JacobPaul will go home finally.