NO WAY!

The elimination is finally here. Not only is it here, it's probably one of my favorite elimination nights. I already know what the result is. And I'm thrilled.

There can only be one winner. Thanks, American Idol.

Ok, can I just let everybody know right now that I don't understand the new fashion trend with the pants that make your derriere look at least 5x larger than it actually is. Pia was wearing them last night and now Jenny from the Block is wearing some. It's not cute.

Constantine and Iggy Pop are going to perform. Wow, very unenthusiastic about that.

Oh, a group sing. Lauren is wearing them too! Stop it!!!! HAHA! Paul and Scotty just sang two different lyrics!!! JacobPaul's dancing is worse than JustPaul's dancing. Just saying. Are there really only 3 girls left? Wow. The tween girls have succeeded again. Ok, Lauren looks like a Grandma in her outfit, Haley looks straight out of the 80's with her acid wash jeans and mesh vest and Pia, for once, looks like a normal person. That was a fine medley except for the parts when I could hear JacobPaul's high harmony sticking out like a sore thumb. BLEND baby, BLEND!

Cheesy commercial. Paul and Pia are stealing an iPad or something.

Russell Brand is coaching them on performance and stage presence. Wow. Because Steven Tyler or even Jenny from the Block would not be a more appropriate choice. Probably had nothing to do with the fact that he has a new movie coming out. The contestants thought he was funny. That's just not true.

Casey, Stefano, and Lauren are up. Out of this group, Stefano should be in the Tool Stools. Kelly Clarkson tweeted that she has a crush on Casey. He's keeping his comments to himself. Awkward. Stefano thinks Jimmy and Randy push him because they want him to succeed. Granny Lauren is safe. Casey is safe. Stefano is on the Tool Stools.

Constantine Maroulis is singing "Unchained Melody." He was on Season 4 and always bugged me a little bit. He just seems creepy. It's actually kind of cool.

Gwen Stefani styled the girls. Note to self, never wear anything Gwen Stefani made.

Paul, Scotty, and Pia are up. Paul thinks he had it easy because he was last. No man, it was awesome. Pia makes people drink. Scotty has flava! Scotty is safe. Pia looks surprised. Paul and Pia are possibly wearing the same pants. Paul is safe. Pia is in the bottom three. Haley looks very disgusted by this news.

Oh this should be good. TMZ is attacking American Idol. And James is trying to fight back. See what happened was some dude told James to tone it down citing his reaction to Hulk Hogan as "teeny bopper meeting Justin Bieber." James then said "look at you!" To which dude replied "You look like you're in Staind." James: "At least I'm in something." See, I don't really think that's a comeback. I think it's just obnoxious. But anyway the other contestants were razzed as well. JacobPaul just asked if a girl was single. I can only assume he's asking for a friend.

James, Haley, and Jacob are up. Out of this group, Haley should be in the bottom 3. Or possibly JacobPaul. Haley and JacobPaul are holding hands. Weird. Can I also just note that JacobPaul is channeling Mr. Rogers with that cardigan. James is safe. Haley is safe. The judges are less than amused. Haley is smarmily jogging over to the safety couch. Ryan reminds us that if we're unsatisfied, we must vote. I did vote. And I'm satisfied.

Iggy Pop is dancing around with no shirt. I'm fast forwarding. Sorry people.

Ok. The moment. JacobPaul is in the bottom three in spite of telling all of us we can't look ourselves in the mirror. Guess that'll show him to run his mouth. Or not. He's safe anyway. So it's down to Pia and Stefano. Now, I'll be the first to admit, Stefano really should go home over Pia. Stefano is safe! He is totally flabbergasted. As are the judges. Including Randy who may or may not have just cursed silently. Jennifer is angry. Randy is gutted. Steven thinks we should not be forgiven. Ok. Maybe I'm just overly emotional at the moment. But I'm officially crying. It really is sad that Pia is going home. This is why we vote people.

She's going to sing again. She's singing "I'll Stand By You." Stefano looks like he's going to throw up. That note was flat people why are you clapping?! Wow. Very sad. Vote for the Worst has struck again.