Most. Random. Beginning. Ever.
This sad, dejected girl is walking down the streets and crying about not getting in and how she's so disappointed. The camera guy asks her, "Do you have a message for the judges?" At which point she turns and says (I'm not kidding), "Just because somebody farts, let 'em finish singing ok?" PLEASE tell me they'll play her audition.
We're in San Francisco this week, where apparently we found Adam Lambert 2 years ago. Ryan refers to him as one of the most "electric" performers ever. "Electric" does not mean the same thing as "annoying."
The judges are going to be tough, which will be new.
Inessa Lee is a Ukrainian pop star. So she says. She sounds vaguely tone deaf, but it's not horrible. Steven tells her she's cute but not a good singer. Jenny from the block says she's cute but it's a no. Randy Yo Dawg can't thing of anything better to say.
Oh good, this episode will be emotional. Because I haven't cried enough this week.
The seagulls are pooping on people at AT&T Park. They know about the Giants, what do you expect them to do?
Brittany Mazur makes it. She's meh.
Lara Johnston makes it. She's slightly better than meh.
Matthew Nuss is from Huntington Beach. He's in. He's a lot better than meh.
Stefano Langone was in an accident, non-specified. Apparently it was really bad. He has a piano belt buckle. I want one. He's singing "I Heard it Through the Grapevine." He reminds me of the AI contestant from a few seasons ago that was the dueling piano player, very bluesy, John Mayer (but not sleazy). He's good, I think he'll do well.
Clint Gamboa hosts karaoke in Long Beach. He has Harry Potter glasses. He's singing "Billionaire. It's ok. But he sorta freaks me out. Like Adam Lambert freaks me out.
Montage of terrible/crazy. Including streakers and someone dressed like a monkey. His name is Kenneth and he's unemployed. Shocking.
Weston Lee Smith is drunk, I'm fairly certain. Either that or he's vomiting.
Oh Mylanta. One of the contestants is dressed like a Transformer. It's incredible. Annnd we've gone downhill. Randy Yo Dawg tells Optimus Lame that if he went to the market in that it'd be crazy. Optimus Lame says, "Hey, man, that's how people are going to get around in the future. Man, 10 more years." The judges stare blankly....and Optimus Lame is going to sing. He sings "Born to be Wild" and forgets the lyrics. He's not going to Hollywood. In his "rejection package" he tells us he doesn't want to be a car for the rest of his life. Hey Optimus Lame? I think you may be able to do something about that. It's called employment/education.
A bunch of girls made it in. Shocking.
Julie Zurilla has fancy shoes. She's from Colombia. Her parents had to leave Colombia because of guerilla warfare. She's singing "Summertime." Her voice is nice. She has the Cristina Aguilera syndrome of unnecessarily dragging out words so they last a full 20-30 seconds. It's annoying. There's such a thing as too much. I'm just sayin'. But no one listens to me, so she's in.
Dave Combs has Bo Bice hair. He's singing "Oh Darlin" by The Beatles. I don't recognize the song. Steven Tyler, who is wearing a Beatles shirt, is anti this dude. I enjoy this side of Steven Tyler. It's at least 1/4 of a degree closer to Simon Cowell.
Montage of terrible and Steven Tyler telling them they're terrible.
Someone butchered Sam Cooke. And David Johnston, a preacher/musician from Chino Hills is killing "Stand By Me."
Emily Anne Reed talks like a Disney princess. Her house burned down. She sounds vaguely like Adele and a little bit like Billy Holliday. I love her. Steven Tyler tells her no. He's a lunatic. Randy Yo Dawg tells her he disagrees with Steven Tyler. Jenny from the block fakes uncertainty and doesn't know if she should go through. She sends her to Hollywood and Steven tells her to play something on guitar (she brought it in with her). She does and Steven changes his mind. Emily Anne Reed will be on the show. Mark my words.
Ok. They have totally pushed this audition to no end. It better be amazing. And not "Lambert" amazing.
James Durbin is from Santa Cruz, CA. His Mom raised him and his sisters. Dad was a musician, mostly absent. People tell him he gets his talent from his Dad. But his Dad died when he was 9, from a drug overdose. *Sigh* He has Tourette's and Asperger's. He was made fun of in school. He is married and has a baby. He has no job, and just wants to provide for his son. I have mixed feelings about this contestant. That's what I thought. This is the "explosive" contestant they're hoping to replace Adam Lambert with. I mean, it's good. And I feel like I SHOULD like this kid because he has Tourette's/Asperger's. Although, let me just say right now, he doesn't really exhibit any symptoms or indicators of either of those disorders. Which is especially strange because, in my experience, stress brings out those behaviors. I'm not a psychiatrist or anything, but I find it interesting. Anyway, James is in.
So, auditions are done. And now.....HOLLYWOOD WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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