I'll be the first to admit that X Factor was underwhelming for me. I was fine with who won (which is unique), but overall I felt like the show was a rather mediocre attempt at ousting the giant of American Idol. Even Simon Cowell was not as impressive as I hoped he would be. It would appear that he went and got himself a heart, which greatly defeats his overall purpose in life. The one (perhaps two) redeeming qualities of X Factor were Paula Abdul and L.A. Reid. I found them to be the most entertaining/worthwhile of judges. But anyway, we're here to discuss more important things like American Idol.
Oh, and we'll see how long I can keep up this blogging situation. I'll have to blog in approximately 30 minute increments. Because between feeding my 10 week hold human garbage disposal, playing with/changing said 10 week old, getting him to take his nap, feeding myself, bathing myself, and generally keeping my house in somewhat of a non-filthy state, I only get about 30 minutes.
We are now showing all these little children watching American Idol when they were littler children. They are now auditioning for American Idol. Which a) makes me feel old and b) freaks me out because some of these kidlets are 15, which we all know means fun times for me...
Please hold for pacifier replacement.
The auditions are starting out in Savannah, GA. I wonder how many times we'll hear "Georgia" this audition round? The contestants are supposed to document their journey to auditions.
Randy Yo Dawg is wearing terrible shades. Jenny from the Block is shiny as per usual. Steven Tyler looks like a pirate and is walking around with a girl version of him.
David says he's 17 but I don't buy it. I also don't buy that he is not actually Astro from X Factor. This kid's big claim to fame is that he beat Scotty McReery in a talent competition. I don't really think that's an accomplishment, but hey...what do I know. There's a boat right behind the judges that is bobbing up and down. I'm getting seasick. David is singing "Remember the Rain", he sounds like a girl. Since he sounds like a girl, they ask him to sing Michael Jackson. He has three yeses. And the fun begins. Randy Yo Dawg: "You're gonna go where Scotty McReery went." Me: "I
hope he's at least mildly more successful than THAT, Randy."
Can I interrupt and say how pleased Paul and I are at the return of Jack Bauer to television. Granted, he's not playing Jack Bauer but that's not the point.
Gabby is a singer AND a tap dancer. So if this doesn't work out she can go on SYTYCD. She's excited to meet Ryan Seacrest the most. She also wants Steven Tyler to make his "I'm going to go to sleep/I may be slightly inebriated/wow this person is really good" face. Hold up, wait a minute, Nigel Lythgoe (SYTYCD) is sitting in the audition room. So does he like, have some sort of input for the judges, or do they make the decision all on their own? Back to Gabby, she's going to sing "Sunday Morning" by Maroon 5. She has some nice nuances in her voice. I can hang with her. She's through to Hollywood.
Brianna Faulk, Neco Starr (really???), Molly Hunt, Elise Testone are all in. Based on the 5 seconds we saw I would agree with Brianna and Molly.
So far everyone who has auditioned has gone through to Hollywood. Possibly problematic, but Ryan says it's great, so who am I to argue with that indisputable pillar of musical wisdom?
Jessica Whitely is up. She is pretty sure she'll be golden because she sings the National Anthem a lot. ANNNNNNDDDDD....no. She starts out mediocre and then quickly plummets into Kermit the Frog with a very closed throat. Randy Yo Dawg is giving the Gaze of Awful. Steven Tyler says she missed the net. Jessica says she is dehydrated. The judges continue to tell her no. Jessica says ok and she'll see us in Texas. Oh good.
Shawn/Sean/Shaun thinks he looks like Ryan Seacrest. So he's rolling with that and trying to imitate Ryan. He's going to sing "Oh Girl." I can't tell whether he's good or not. The judges say no, so he must be great.
Shannon is a giant. Her Dad was a World Series pitcher. She's bringing in the fam to meet the judges. Dad to Steven: "How are things in Beantown?" Steven: "Oh great. Hot, humid, and happenin'...just like your daughter." Dad: *glare* She is singing Etta James. And she is awesome. I'm for it. She's in. She'll be in the show.
Please hold for feeding.
And we're back...with a montage of people who are pretty but have ugly voices. And by pretty I mean, according to the judges. So...
Amy lives in Tennessee. In a tent. She can't afford a hotel but she CAN afford cheesy bling jewelry. I mean, props for rolling with it, but perhaps you should not have cheesy bling jewelry...oh...apparently the boyfriend's Mom bought that for her. Still, though...she couldn't pay for a hotel for the night? Anyways....she's going to sing Alicia Keyes. She actually has a decent voice. Interesting tone. Which is what Randy Yo Dawg says. Jenny from the Block calls her a hipsy. She's in.
BTW, there has been multiple replacement of pacifiers, a diaper change, and an episode of rocking between Tent Girl and this next audition.
This next guy is....fun....He's extremely effeminate. I'll just leave it there. And he's also clumsy. His name is Joshua Chavis and he is compared to Chris Daughtry and Brad Paisley. By people who can't hear, probably. He's singing "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz. Yeah, the people who say he sounds like Daughtry and Brad Paisley can't hear. Jenny from the Block tells him he's sweet and cute but his voice just isn't right for this year. Me: "Will it be right for ANY year, though, J-Lo?" Randy Yo Dawg keeps it real and tell him he's terrible. Oh that was sad, he walked out to his "friends" and they are all holding back laughter as they "console" him. See, now, I don't like that. Don't offer to be there to support your buddy in his dream, when you know good and well it's not going to happen. Just keep it real. The truth shall set you free!
Everyone is nervous. Including this 15 year old who has been watching American Idol for a decade. She is very sparkly and has a bird flying into her throat. Stephanie Renae is her name. She has a bit of a nasally voice, but a lot of vibrato. She's just okay. Steven says yes because she's sparkly. Randy Yo Dawg says no because she's not that great. Jenny from the Block says yes because she likes to do that kind of stuff.
Skyler (girl) is auditioning. She auditioned last year with her brother, Colton, who made it but not to the Top 12. I remember him. He was pretty good. Anyway, Colton has had enough and is not auditioning. Except the judges are trying to make him. Skyler is going to sing "Break Even." Also turns out her name is Schyler. Seriously? Anyhow, she has a decent voice and she is a pretty girl. Which has no bearing on anything except the male vote. Colton is now singing "Permanent" which is apparently a David Cook song. He's still pretty good. He has a really great range, but he's a little bit nasally sounding. They're both going. But wait, that guy didn't actually want to go! But he's going. Surprise, surprise, he's not going to pass up another opportunity for fame...
Please hold for yet another feeding.
Montage of crying. People are VERY emotional in this show.
Lauren Mink runs a group for adults with intellectual disabilities. She also has an awesome voice. Very country and very nice. I enjoy her. A lot. I hope she gets to the live shows. She at least made it to Hollywood.
Steven is still running around with a girl him. Jenny from the Block is pink. Very pink. Randy Yo Dawg has an ‘80’s phone, complete with spiral cord.
Mawuena Kodjo is from West Africa. You can’t be the American Idol if you’re not American. That’s a rule. He is singing Rascal Flatts. But it doesn’t sound anything like that. It’s a no. Except Randy says if he can find people that say he should go through, he can go through to American Idol. He finds an old man who’s hearing is questionable and children who just don’t want to be mean. Randy still says no.
Ashlee Altise. I like her. She sang “Come Together” and she was fun. I know I’m going to be called crazy, but hey, I call it like I see it.
Montage of bad.
W.T. Thompson. People with initials for their first name are great. Except for people with initials for their first name who QUIT THEIR FEDERAL JOB WHEN THEIR WIFE IS 6.5 MONTHS PREGNANT TO FOLLOW A DREAM! I don’t get it. I mean, I get that this would be a dream come true and all that, but you have responsibilities now. You probably should have followed your dreams BEFORE you decided to have a kid. He has a decent voice. Steven Tyler tells him he doesn’t know if he’s ready. Jenny from the Block says a little work would do it. Randy Yo Dawg tells him he’s going to get eaten alive. He makes it.
Lots of women are infatuated with Steven Tyler. Lots of them. I don’t get it. He’s 9,000 years old.
Erica Nowak has crazy eyes. And she thinks Steven Tyler is her future ex-husband. She hugs him and gropes him and now sings Joss Stone’s “Super Duper Love.”She was super duper terrible and super duper crazy.
Oh good, an NBA dancer is auditioning. I’m sure she’ll be judged 100% on her singing talent. She is singing “Spoiled” by Joss Stone. Her name is Brittany. She actually has a decent voice, also, she looks like Carrie Underwood. Randy Yo Dawg says yes, Jenny from the Block says no, Steven Tyler says yes. Shocking.
The last audition of Savannah is Philip Phillips. That’s just mean. He works in a pawn shop. Paul will like him. He’s really into Pawn Stars these days. I have no idea why. Phillip Phillips Dad (Phillip Phillips Sr.) is very proud of him. He’s going to sing “his version of Superstition.” That was ok. Now he’s singing “Thriller” while playing acoustic guitar. And That. Is. Awesome. I want him to go to the live show. Jenny from the Block says he has electricity in him. Steven Tyler says yes. Jenny from the Block says yes. Randy Yo Dawg says yes.
So far, there are 3 people I would like to see in the live show; Shannon, Lauren, and Phillip Phillips. That’s super tall girl, girl who works with disabled adults, and the guy that works in a pawn shop. On to Pittsburgh tomorrow.
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