The only thing I know about Pittsburgh is that the Steelers and the Pirates play there. I'm ambivalent about the Pirates, but I H.A.T.E. the Steelers. They've never gone to Pittsburgh before. You would think that eventually they would run out of cities to go to for the first time. But not yet.
First up is an Asian guy (no idea what his name is) who is possibly hung over. He doesn't know why he's there or if he's talented. And also, he thinks Ryan's head is a fist. Or something. Oh, there's the explanation, he drank "teas and stuff." Uh-huh. I'm going with he had more of the "stuff" than the "tea." His friends have never heard him sing. This is promising. Heejun. His name is Heejun. He actually sings nice. I type corrected. He's very strange. Very socially awkward. The judges are shocked and they like him. He's going to Hollywood. He's got to lose the "shakey hands" or he's quickly going to turn Pia-esque. For me for you.
The next person is possibly named Reed Grimm. Yes. He was born onstage or something. He's singing the theme song to "Family Matters." No joke. I enjoy the scatting. But I refuse to fall in love with a real musician just to have my heart broken like last season. *cough* CaseyAbramsshouldhavewon *cough*. He's through to Hollywood.
Aaron Marcellus, Chase Likens (has the crazy eyes). I'm for Aaron, but not really into Chase. They're both through.
The next contestant has her sister with her. And her sister is going to plank while she sings. Samantha is the Singer, Patty is the Planker. Look at that alliteration! Samantha sings better when Patty planks. Doubtful. Literally Patty is sitting there planking. Well, I guess she's not exactly sitting...'cause she's planking. Strangely, Samantha the Singer sings well. We've gotta lose Patty the Planker though. Clearly, it was a gimmick to get her in to sing with the judges. Samantha the Singer is through to Hollywood. Not clear on Patty the Planker.
Crayton is from NYC and is unemployed. Maybe that's because he wears bunny ears and Elton John glasses around town. And he has a friend who blows bubbles. He is going to sing an original. Oh boy. Oh, and he spells his name Creighton. Which is uber-irritahting. See how I added an unnecessary h? I think I'll start doing that. Somehow the judges liked that. Jenny from the Block is seeking Lord Nigel's approval. They're freaking out about this guy and I find him extremely absurdly annoying. Figures. Steven Tyler is cursing he's so pleased. They keep comparing him to people and then saying that he is an original. So that makes no sense. I'm going to eat ice cream.
A child who looks like Justin Bieber is going to audition. His name is Eben. Sounds like Evan. He's going to sing "Ain't No Sunshine." His voice is nice. But I find him suited more for Broadway. If he can dance, he'd be perfect for the musical Billy Elliot. But I imagine he would be chewed up and spit out and wiped off the boot of a real superstar in 9.5 seconds flat in the real world.
Travis Orlando!!! I remember him. He was the one with a sad story about how he used to be homeless with his family and now they have a small apartment in the Bronx? Possibly a different location. But anyway, he was good. So here he goes with "Isn't She Lovely." His voice is ok, but it's not phenomenal. Oh, that's a bad move. He dropped out of high school. His Mom apparently walked out on his Dad after he auditioned for American Idol last year. He and his Dad and twin brother moved into a shelter because they were evicted. His Dad is sick on dialysis. So this is it for him. But still, he should finish high school. If the Idol thing doesn't work out, he at least needs to have a high school diploma. Randy Yo Dawg says yes but he has a lot more growing to do. Jenny from the Block says yes and he will keep growing. Steven Tyler says he needs to jump out of his shell. But he's through to Hollywood.
Erica is a mobile DJ and a wedding singer. She's very alto. I can't decide if I like her or not. She's singing "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?" She's very vibrato too. She's going to Hollywood. I'm kind of ambivalent about her.
A lot of people from Pittsburgh went to Hollywood. And Steven Tyler made "comedy" noises with a machine. It's too hard to explain that adequately.
Shane is a coalminer in West Virginia. And we went to W. Virginia to see him, so he's going through. Thanks for the anticipation, there, American Idol. Shane wants to have a stable income, which the judges don't understand. Paul says that's because they're liberals. And also, if he wants a stable income going to audition for a show that he may not win is not really a way to go about that. Steven says not yet. Jenny from the Block says to come back next year. Randy Yo Dawg says to come back next year. Wow. I was wrong. Paul says they didn't put him through because he produces evil energy. Coal. Bummer. And lame.
Hallie Day (probably not her real name) tried to kill herself. Then she met her husband. Which somehow saved her life. And they like to sit next to a river and stare off and contemplate how much of a mismatched pair they are. She's singing "I Will Survive" in a very high key. She is doing a couple of arrangement things that are cool but other than that, she's super sharp in her tone. And she does the poo squat, so she is losing steam with me in a hurry. And her and her husband are very awkward.
There were 38 people put through from Pittsburgh. They're going to sunny San Diego next week. You know what the best part of San Diego is?
The Padres!
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