Round 4: Aspen Auditions

Wow, they really are looking for new cities to go to. Aspen? What, did they decide to use Jenny from the Block's ski lodge for auditions? Sheesh.

Apparently the higher elevation makes the judges act crazy. Yes, it's the elevation. That's all.

Jenni is loud. She teaches music to elementary school students. She reminds me of that one contestant last season that wanted to leave the show last year. She's singing "Heartbreaker" and she's really karaoke. But the judges all love it so she's through. Ugh. She kisses Steven Tyler on the mouth. Someone needs to notify the CDC so she can get checked out.

Curtis Gray is singing a song I don't know the title to. "So Hard to Say Goodbye." Paul knew. I'm not asking questions. It was mediocre. All the judges say yes. Maybe the altitude IS messing with them...

Richie Law is trying really hard to be Scotty McReery. They love it. Which makes no sense since they keep saying they're looking for someone who is different.

Devan Jones has some nice nuances in his voice.

Mathenee (what?) Treco sings with over the top facial expressions/hand gestures. Which I'm a huge fan of.

Talayna has a twin sister. But she has lived in her sister's shadow this whole time. See I thought you could only live in a sibling's shadow if they were older than you. Like, they've gone before you and done things and then a couple years later you come along and do the same stuff. She also wears terrible glasses and an earring in her nose. She's singing a Melissa Etheridge song. Oh that's sad. She probably does actually live in her sister's shadow. Her voice just is not good. I hope her twin sings better. But the twin isn't auditioning.

Haley Smith lives in a log cabin. She has three jobs. She seems sweet. But she's also a hippy. She's going to sing "Tell Me Something." She's super bluesy and a little bit off-key. But she's decent. And I think she's a legitimate talent. She's through to Hollywood.

They don't show a lot of the "no's" these days.

BTW, the preview event of "Touch" with Jack Bauer was intriguing. Bummed we have to wait until 3/19 to see the rest.

Alanna is "22". In another place. She sells "Colorado oysters" which are the reproductive organs of cattle. So that's disgusting. Also disgusting? Her attempt at singing "Jolene" by Dolly Parton. It's like, really bad. So bad, that they show a disgruntled cow. She even knows that she's really bad.

Shelby is from Minnesooooota. She is bipolar. American Idol makes her want to stay on her meds. No pressure, judges. Or America. She says that bipolar doesn't define who you are. But she's using it as her life story to get a sympathy vote from the judges. I have a hard time when people use their diagnoses as crutches or excuses, intentional or not. But anyway, she's singing "Temporary Home" by Carrie Underwood. Which is a no-no in general. She has a decent voice, but it's not the greatest thing I've ever heard. The judges, of course, disagree. They love her. So she's through to Hollywood.

Glee is advertising their Michael Jackson episode. Which I'm pretty sure they've done once or 5 times this season alone. Ok, maybe not 5. But I know they did it once already.

Montage of no.

Ok so this girl is beatboxing. And her beatboxing is pretty good. But she should really go on The Sing Off. Which is the second best singing competition show. Even though they keep kicking off the awesome groups. That last sentence was for Paul.

Apparently the terrible people caused an avalanche. Whoa.

Jairon is going to sing an original song. People told him not to do that, but he has a lot of faith in this song. A lot of faith. So it'll all work out. Wow, that actually wasn't half bad. Jenny from the Block tells him he's a lover. Uh-oh. Husband number 47? He's through to Hollywood.

Angie thinks she is Lady Gaga. So that's....great. She's apparently a vintage glitter queen. I didn't know there was such a thing. She's singing a Broadway number which would have been ok for a show where they're trying to cast a Broadway musical. Randy Yo Dawg hates Broadway musicals. He's dead to me. Jenny from the Block rushes to Angie's defense and asks her to sing something else to shut Randy up. So Angie sings "Blue Bayou" which she claims is not show tuney at all. But then she makes it show tuney. It's a pretty voice but all of her little quirks and whatever are weird. I suspect there would be many "ohmygoshihatethisperformancesomuch" performances from her if she made it to the live shows. Which I doubt. She's through to Hollywood.

Randy Jackson does not like vibrato. So, then, why does he love Adam Lamebert and James Durbin so much?

Magic Cyclops is for SURE an actor. But he's awesome. "I have 11 air guitars but there's a guy in Belgium that has, I think, 5 more than me." If this isn't staged, I don't know what is. This dude is fantastic. Randy Yo Dawg: "Where are you from?" Magic: "Davenport Iowa. This is an Iowan accent (British). I grew up very poor, we only got the local PBS broadcast, and they only played BBC programming." Randy Yo Dawg: "What could you possibly sing for us?" Magic: "Well, it's judges choice day, so you have a choice between Neil Diamond and James Buffet." Randy: "Who?" Magic: "James Buffet." Jenny from the Block:"Jimmy Buffett." Randy is not amused by this. He then proceeds to sing "Cracklin' Rose" and "Margaritaville." Clearly, he is not going to Hollywood but he's entertaining. On his exit interview: "Steven, I've helped put you where you're at. Because I own several Aerosmith CDs. So, do a brother a solid. Call me."

Next up, Houston Texas.