The crew is in Sunny San Diego, home of the Padres. And the USS Midway, which is where the auditions are being held.
They are doing an "Air Force One" spin off situation. Steven Tyler= Rock Star; Randy=Dawg; and Jenny from the Block= Fly Girl.
There is a person who is going to audition on an airplane and the person next to him doesn't believe him. He looks like Zac Brown. From the Zac Brown Band.
The judges are bemoaning (SAT word) the fact that there are jets flying over them, making it slightly difficult to hear.
The first contestant of the day is not wearing any clothes. Like literally very little clothing. She says she's a patriot and she's totally all American. She's Philipino or Native American or possibly even Hispanic. So ALL is relative. She says she hopes the mail judges are shocked, I mean, she likes Jenny from the Block and all that, but she'd rather have two votes than one. She sings some ridiculous song and it's bad. Even the male judges, who are notorious for putting people through based on their looks (not to mention any names), think it's bad. But she insists that she can sing "Hero" by Mariah Carey because it better suits her voice. So Randy makes her a deal and says if it's bad, they won't even comment, she'll just leave. So she sings and it's bad and she leaves. Randy also said that if she comes in there dressed like that, she better be able to sing. Personally, I don't see how the two are related. But whatevs.
Ashley is a single Mom to a 5 year old. She has two jobs in order to support her kid. She is going to sing "I Will Always Love You." She says it's by Whitney Houston. We all know it's actually by Dolly Parton, but whatever. All I'm sayin' is, Dolly could probably still sing it. Whitney most definitely can NOT. Anyway, Ashley starts singing and I'm underwhelmed. Then she hits the note and I have chills. Then she hits THE the note and I say to myself, "Self, THAT is how you hold notes in the correct key!" Take THAT, girl with the three letter name that starts with a "P" and ends with an "ee-uh." Paul just said that she can sing it better now than Whitney could now. I responded with "Landry (11 weeks old) could sing it better now than Whitney could now." The judges are all applauding. Randy: "Where you been all this time?" Ashley: "Man, I been at home, being Mom, paying bills, I gotta work!" I hope she's consistently good. She's through to Hollywood.
Jayrah Gibson does not have a "B Plan." But he does have a lot of superfluous information. He sings a song that has very little rhythm and very strange lyrics. Jenny from the Block explains that she wants to hear him do more melodic songs. Apparently the song he chose is "rhythmic." I, as a musician, was unaware that you could have a melody with no rhythm or a rhythm with no melody. Learn something new everyday I suppose. Somehow, mysteriously, he's through to Hollywood.
And now the montage of Yes.
Aubrey thinks she's auditioning for America's Next Top Model. And she spells her name with two "ee's" unnecessarily. She's singing "Feeling Good" by Michael Buble. She has an interesting tone. She's through to Hollywood. She's very cheesy and strange. She'll be annoying.
Allie Shields is adorable. She was on the Ellen DeGeneres show because she wrote Ellen a song and wanted to meet her. Ellen sent her to the AMAs where she kissed some celebrities. Ryan found this out and had her kiss some crew members at her audition. I'm just gonna go ahead and point out that Ryan didn't offer to kiss her. Usher kissed her, but not Ryan Seacrest. But Ryan is definitely into girls. Okay. She's going to rap. Which I'm for. But she's not good at it. Then she dances. And she's not good at that either. Then she sings and she's only a little bit good. But she's interesting and strange and, in the words of Randy Yo Dawg "Just crazy enough to make it." Which translates to, "we looked over at Nigel and he was nodding his head like one of those dogs that sits in the back windshield of a beat up Cadillac." So she's through to Hollywood.
Day 2 of San Diego auditions.
Kyle Cruz is a hippy. I know this because he goes to Berkeley. He is in a frat. And he thinks he is a ladies man. He's singing "Angel of Mine" by Monica. He knows he's a dude right? He is singing to Jenny from the Block. Which she is fine with since she has divorced husband number 45 recently. Steven Tyler says he's the best male voice they've heard. He was decent. But he's irritating.
There were many noisy distractions in San Diego during auditions.
Jim Carrey has a child. And no, that is not a random segue. His daughter is auditioning. First glance, I like her. She's going to sing "Something to Talk About," and she's decent. The judges are ripping her about her performance quality. So she's going to Hollywood. I want her to get on the show just so Jim Carrey will be in the audience.
Lots of girls got in. I'm sure they all have wonderful voices and aren't really attractive at all.
Montage of devastation.
Wolf is the guy from the plane that looks like Zac Brown. His name is Jason. But he goes by Wolf. Paul thinks Wolf will win because he's a white guy with a guitar. Racist. Wolf tells Ryan that every female he knows tells him he should kiss Ryan. But he's not going to. Ryan says he's excited for two reasons. 1) He's excited the girls said that and 2) Wolf is not going to do it. Then Ryan hugs him. Uh-huh. He's singing "Midnight Special." And Steven is unimpressed. So am I. Then he sings "Folsom Prison Blues" and plays his "git-fiddle" which is a guitar. "Folsom" starts out fine, but then he says "You want to hear how I do it?" Me: "No. There's only one way to do it. It's been done." He's through to Hollywood.
I feel like they're putting a lot of mediocre people through. But I don't think this is unique to this season.
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