Let me preface by saying, I already know who is getting voted off. And I couldn't be happier if I tried.
Anyway, we're recapping, and on the recap, I'm not sure it was as great as everyone thought. Jenny from the Block is wearing a garbage bag as a skirt. A very short garbage bag. Hey! Rachel Zevita! Why is she here?
I'd also like to point out that Ryan's hair begins to look more and more like my brother's every week. Except my brother has been rockin' that do since circa 1989.
Steven Tyler wrote a book. Oh sheesh.
Jenny from the Block is going to perform tonight. Somehow I think it won't be as fantastically ridiculous as Paula a couple years ago.
Randy is having a bake sale? Oh no, that was a poorly veiled sarcastic joke.
The contestants are going to sing "So Happy Together." And JacobPaul is flat. And Haley's harmony is overpowering the boy's melody. So either Haley needs to sing quieter or the THREE MEN need to sing it out. COME on! Also of note, fitting that JacobPaul is singing with the 2 girls towards the end of the song. I'm not saying anything derogatory, I'm just saying. Can I also ask, why is it necessary at the end of every song for them to line up and raise their hand? Are they going to ask a question? Are they voting for something? It's really dumb.
Ryan is reading the teleprompter about auditions for next season, and James is mouthing the words along with him, like an idiot. That's the kind of stuff that annoys me about him. I don't know how to describe it, he just irks me.
The contestants did a Ford Commercial. James juggled. Haley parked with no hands. And it was "fun."
The contestants hung out with Gordon Ramsey and cooked omelettes. Haley's omelette was "pitchy" and was pitched in the trash. JacobPaul's omelette was called "omelette gone wild" and he had a song about it that was, you guessed it, annoying. Gordon says it looks like vomit and not even God could save it. Gordon Ramsey should be a judge on Idol. At least he would be honest. James tries to sing a cutesy song about his omelette being the best....around, and fails. Gordon tells him he was supposed to rock it, not make it hard as a rock. Lauren's omelette rocks. Duh. She's from the south. Scotty's omelette causes Gordon to spit it out in the trash can. Lauren wins and Jacob is the runner up. But wait, there's more. Because I care....
Lady Antebellum! I enjoy them tremendously. This is no exception.
The contestants are explaining how they choose songs and wardrobe. I honestly nothing this.
Results. The good stuff. James is up. He's probably safe. Oh, awesome! We're hearing Jimmy's take. Oooohhhh....Jimmy says James needs to control his emotions. He also says that typically he's between a 9-10, but last night, he was an 8. Burrrrn. And James is starting a group on the other side of the stage.
Lauren is next. Jimmy thinks her first song was awesome. He also thinks she pulled back on the biggest note of the second song. I said that. Just want to point that out.Her fear is getting the best of her. Jimmy also said that because of her second song, she would be in the bottom two tonight. Yikes. Jimmy is on fire tonight.And Lauren is freaking out. Poor kid. She's on the opposite side of James. So she knows something is up.
We're finishing this stupid thing with Chef Ramsey now. They're doing a blind taste test. Lauren won. She recognized tofu and hot dog. Congratulations?
Yay. Jenny from the Block is going to perform. The song is called "On the Floor." Someone named PitBull is also singing with her. Correction he's rapping. Ok, her pants are terrible. And also, I'm not surprised that the whole ensemble is shiny. And, I'm glad she's performing like this and is the mother of 2 small children. You have to admit, she's a really good performer, though.
Now we're watching a teaser of her next single, "I'm into You." Not impressed.
JacobPaul is next. Jimmy's take (this should be good), Jimmy said Jacob had a rough night because of his nerves and his songs were both "off." Also, Jimmy says Jacob was a 6. Ouch. JacobPaul joins Lauren. Not looking good for Lauren.
Haley is up. Wow, the audience lurves her. She may win. Jimmy's take should be interesting. Jimmy called Jenny from the Block out for criticizing his advice and claims that Haley won the evening and was a 10. This I agree with. Haley joins James. So I assume they're both safe.
Scotty. Jimmy says the first song showed us who he would be, and the second song was a little cut short. Scotty is safe. Also, Ryan reveals that Scotty has never been in the bottom two, in spite of the fact that he was with Casey last week. Wow. HE might win. Ryan tells Scotty he's safe and asks him to go stand with the group he thinks is safe with him. Scotty refuses (duh), and Ryan shoves him towards James and Haley. James, in an act of mockery, falls to the floor feigning surprise and relief. The funniest moment, though? Haley: "You actually did that?" Scotty: "No, he pushed me." Haley: "Oh." Cut to Lauren, who is having a meltdown. Bummer-tude.
Lauren has composed herself. Only to have some people scream "We love you, Lauren." and she melts down again. So, Lauren is finally told that America did not royally screw up and finds out that she is safe. Finally, James is gone.
Oh man, that means we have to listen to him sing again. Yep, he's still terrible. I'm turning it off.
Here's my prediction for the remaining weeks.
Next week: Lauren (unless she "blows it out the box" according to Paul)
Third place: Scotty
Final: Haley and James
Winner: Casey Abrams. Somehow he'll make a comeback.
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