Are We There Yet?

The final showdown is here! And we're watching home videos of Carrie Underwood and David Cook. And now videos of Lauren Alaina and Scotty McCreery. Are they trying to say that Lauren and Scotty are equal to Carrie and David? 'Cause that's just not right.

They're at the Nokia Theatre. Paul and I have been there for Passion LA, which was an amazing, amazing, amazing experience.

Ryan is wearing a tux. Wow.

Youngest finale matchup ever. Lauren is shiny. Scotty got all dressed up for the occasion. Apparently, Lauren had some issue with her voice tonight. But she says she's here, ready to sing and she's fine. Then Ryan brings out a Dr. to tell us that Lauren is on steroids. I call foul.

Round 1 will be the contestants favorite song of the season. Round 2 will be the Idols Idol choosing. Carrie Underwood will choose for Lauren. George Strait will choose for Scotty. Hrm. Ok. Round 3 will be the cheesetastic single that each of them will release should they win the competition.

Scotty is first, he chose to sing "Gone" again. It was actually pretty good. In fact, I think he may win. The judges aren't talking?! This should be fantastic.

OMGravy, So You Think You Can Dance starts Thursday! YES!

Lauren is singing "Flat on the Floor," I don't remember this song. Oh wait, yes I do. It's a Carriewood number. Wow. They are both in it to win it, yo dawg. Jenny from the Block really seemed to enjoy that.

Round 1 goes to Scotty, in my book.

Ok, it's a little bit of overkill for the contestants to have 4 numbers. I mean, really? Is that necessary?

Glee's finale is tonight too. Oh heavens.

George Strait has Scotty singing "Check Yes or No." And Scotty is playing guitar. Which is a good move. I bet the fiddle player dude is pleased that both of these guys are country peeps. Job security and all that. This is problematic, because no one knows that song. But little girls don't care if they know the song. They will vote.

Lauren is singing "Maybe it was Memphis", as chosen by Carrie Underwood. Lauren looks like she's wearing a Barbie dress. This is underwhelming. The whole thing is underwhelming. She was also a little off on her timing at one point. So help me if we have another commercial right now.

Ryan asks the judges for their thoughts on the first two rounds. Randy Yo Dawg, who is channeling Soul Train for his wardrobe this evening, says it's even. Then he says Scotty won round 1 and Lauren won round 2.

Jenny from the Block says everything was amazing and crazy.

Steven says if they sang it better, they would be in the American Idol finals. Then he says Lauren won both rounds because she's prettier.

And Randy Yo Dawg has now added that they are both in it to win it.

I don't understand what's happening now. Oh, ok. Apparently, we at home helped write this song that Taio Cruz is going to sing. I will not take any responsibility for this. It's terrible. The microphone cut out for a good 3 measures. Even the microphone knew the song was awful.

The single that will be released if Scotty wins. Wait, so the kidlets don't have to sing the same song as each other about flying over a rainbow with unicorns and butterflies? Awesome.

He's singing a song called "I'm Gonna Love You This Big." Seriously, that fiddle player is getting a LOT of work tonight. Also, the sound mixing is bad to the point of distraction. This is by far the most underwhelming finale of Idol ever. Honestly. Randy Yo Dawg is marveling in the fact that they have two, young, country artists. I am marveling at the fact that someone let Randy come on TV with a collar that is bigger than the Nokia Theatre. Jenny from the Block said he did an amazing job with a song no one has heard. Steven Tyler says he's come a long way, baby. And he can make a 3 point shot from under the net. What??!!?? Scotty can't believe he's here. You're not the only one, sweetheart.

EEK! X-FACTOR! SIMON COWELL!

James is in the audience. HEH-HEH!

Lauren is going to sing "Like My Mother Does." what? This is very strange. I don't understand these songs. Ok, that was sweet. She went and hugged her Mommy while she sang. So sweet. And really very beautiful, actually. Lauren will win, because of that. And because I called it. Randy Yo Dawg says it was a great Ode to her Mom. Way to use the word Ode. Jenny from the Block says Lauren may have just won because of that song. She's reading my mind. I need to purge my mind immediately. Steven Tyler enjoys Mom's. Steven says she is his American Idol.

The judges have all said that Lauren won. Which means they want Scotty to win. So there ya go. I will now go vote for Lauren.

Oh wait, David Cook! One of the best performers to come out of Idol. He's singing "Don't You Forget About Me." We won't. Don't worry.