I'm a Psychic

This is crazy. At the end of last week's episode I thought, they should do Billy Joel songs next week.

Guess what they're singing this week.

Billy Joel.

I may regret wanting this to happen.

But I'm very excited in the meantime. I love everything about Billy Joel. Well, except his philandering ways...but musically, he's brilliant.

Steven is very stripy, Jenny from the Block looks like Catwoman, and Randy Yo Dawg appears to be wearing a shirt made of jelly beans.

Steven Tyler has sung with Billy Joel. He says that if you can't sing Billy Joel, you can't sing at all. I disagree. People off the street can't sing Billy Joel. That's the point. Billy Joel is an ICON. A LEGEND. A MASTERMIND of MUSIC. He's the cat's pajamas or whatever that cool jazzy Billy Joelish saying would be.

Diddy is accompanying Jimmy Iovine with the contestants this week. I wonder if that's awkward at all for Jenny from the Block. Y'know since she was married/dated/engaged/shot him in a club 475 partners ago. Also, is he just Diddy these days? I'm not sure. I'm calling him Puffy Comb Diddy Sean Money Dirt, for good measure. And Tommy Hilfiger, who apparently has nothing better to do, is consulting the contestants on their style.

DeAndre Makemesick is up first. Tommy Hilfiger says no one has hair like DeAndre and to pull it back is a waste. Me: "Michael Bolton, Kenny G, and probably a few women have hair like DeAndre. It's ridiculous." He's doing "Only the Good Die Young." Everything about DeAndre annoys the everything out of me. If Billy Joel were dead he would be rolling in his grave. The best part of this performance is that piano player. I hope one of these days he snaps his neck flailing that hair about. Ok, I don't really hope that, but it would be fun to have him in a neck brace next week. At least there would be less flailing. Not only that, his voice is just not good. It's nasally and obnoxious and just not great. Steven Tyler: "You have some fans here. It was a little too happy, but that's what the world needs right about now. Only the good die young, I guess that's why you and I are here Randy." Jenny from the Block: "It was a nice mix of Bob Marley and gravel." Randy Yo Dawg: "It didn't wow me but it was okaaaaaayyyyyyy." Me: "It was not okay. It was nokay." He gets zero votes.

Touch is great. Watch it.

Erika is singing "New York State of Mind." She's from Rhode Island. I feel like this might be a bad idea. But I'm willing to risk it. Oh, and she cut her hair. Her hair is fine. But it shouldn't matter. This performance is just a little lackluster, for me for you. But I want her jacket. Randy Yo Dawg: "Yo. Yo. I love the look! I think you're one of the best singers in this whole thing this season, right? You can clearly sing the phone book. Those that can do, should. Those that can't do, shouldn't. So wear us out." Me: "WHAT?????" Jenny from the Block: "I agree. It was beautiful. I'd love to see you more, let loose vocally and let loose with your body." Steven Tyler: "It was beautiful. Just nice. Outstanding." Also, Steven Tyler's microphone has sprouted some sort of tropical flower. She gets 1 vote

Joshua Ledet is going to kill it. He's singing "She's Got a Way." Something was off with that. It was like a tempo issue or something. Maybe I'm imagining it. Jenny from the Block: "Billy Joel wrote his life in his songs. It feels stupid to say anything negative but I think for me, I needed to feel like you were connected more to the lyrics." Steven Tyler: "I think you took a song that I don't know, and made it a song that I enjoyed." Me: "How does he NOT know that song????" Randy Yo Dawg: "Never feel defeated. You can always turn it on. Jump in, grab the lyric, and make it your own. It was kind of half/half." Me: "It was a little off, but it was still 1,000,000 times better than DeAndre." He gets 2 votes.

Skylar was awestruck my Puffy Comb Diddy Sean Money Dirt. Why? She's singing "Shameless." I've actually never heard this song. I love this performance. She has such a strong voice. Randy Yo Dawg: "I remember a version that Brad Paisley did. Were you thinking of that?" Skylar: "No I was thinking about Garth." Randy Yo Dawg: "Oh, I forgot he did that too. It was just ok. Not your best." Jenny from the Block: "You're not shameless, you're fearless, by the end you had everybody with you." Steven Tyler: "You breathed life into a song, that's all that matters. It was good." Me: "I thought it was really good. I still think she's going to win." She gets 2 votes.

Elise is singing "Vienna." I've never heard this song either. She did a really great job. I love her voice. But she is not going to stick around. America does not appreciate good talent. They let people like DeAndre Makemesick stick around. The judges all loved her. I'll be honest I watched this performance while eating dinner so I don't know exactly what they said. You know what else I like about Elise? She's a music teacher. I would like to do that. Ask me how.

Phillip Phillips worked in a pawn shop. Tommy Hilfiger thinks Phillip needs help with his look. I think Tommy Hilfiger should mind his own dang business. Phillip is probably going to ignore him. He is also singing "Movin' Out." Diddy whatever told him to do it sans guitar and do all this other nonsense. No. Phillip is fine the way he is. Leave him alone. This is only slightly less epic than when David Cook did "Billie Jean." Jenny from the Block: "I felt like you were taking out a little bit of the aggression on your mentors." Also, I'm pretty sure that she actually said "the gression." Steven Tyler: "You took that song and Phillip Phillipsed it. People told The Beatles to cut their hair and Elvis not to shake their hips." Randy Yo Dawg: "You're a rebel. Those that do, should." Me: "Randy, Yo, Dawg, I don't think that quote means what you think it means." I love Phillip Phillips. And I don't enjoy Tommy Hilfiger.

Hollie Cavanagh has a strange brother. And she thought the theme was Michael Jackson, judging from her outfit tonight. Either that or Tommy Hilfiger told her to wear as much glitter as possible. Turns out, Tommy Hilfiger told her to wear as much glitter as possible. She's singing "Honesty." She's tiny. Like teeny tiny. I think she might be that little Jackie Evancho girl that was on America Has No Talent. HA! She's even standing on the box like Jackie did. She has had two extremely pitchy notes. 3. Steven Tyler: "You're one of our grand singers. Tonight you were a little pitchy. It seemed like you were overthinking it a bit. But it was good." Jenny from the Block: "You take on big songs and that's great. You have to do that to win. But you also have to know every single note in those songs. You have a beautiful sounding voice." Randy Yo Dawg: "Echo. You can be great. That's why we tell you that you are not good enough."

Oh good. Haylie Reinhart will be performing on the elimination show. I will be Fast Forwarding that. Fo shizzle.

Heejun got his feelings hurt last week and he's freaked out. Diddy Whatever thinks Heejun is playing us all. I tend to agree actually. I think he has infiltrated the show just to become famous and be funny. Heejun is singing "My Life." He started out really slow then did a fake stop and told the pianist it was too slow. I have a lot to say about this. I'm going to have to let this play out then comment. Without hearing the judges this is my thought. I think Heejun has worn out his welcome. He took the valid criticism he received last week and became sullen and disrespectful. I think he has been coddled and told he is better than everyone else his whole life and can't handle the reality that he just isn't quite American Idol material. That being said, there were some enjoyable moments of that performance. Based on the still screen on my television where it paused, Steven is less than thrilled. Also, the lyrics of that song are pretty rebellious. But I think Heejun has some deep seated animosity leaking out in his lyrics. Jenny from the Block: " I love that you brought a little fun to tonight. I think you didn't hit the vocal exactly the way you would have liked to, like I know you can, but it was a lot of fun." Steven Tyler: "He-Man. I'm glad it made you feel good. The music business will kick your ***. At some point you gotta take it more serious." Randy Yo Dawg: "At least it was fun and you had a good time, there were vocal problems." Me: "What was that thing Jimmy said about this not being tee-ball?? It's a singing competition...shouldn't it just be about singing. Who CARES if they have fun??????"

Jessica Sanchez is singing "Everybody Has a Dream." I've never heard this song. Diddy Whatever tells her not to oversing and that less is more. Also, tone down the vibrato. This was actually a pretty boring performance for me for you. The judges clearly disagree. They are all on their feet and freaking out. Steven Tyler: "When God was giving out vocal chords you were soooooo at the front of the line." Jenny from the Block: "That was a defining moment for you, for me." Me: "No, no, Jenny, it's for ME for YOU." Randy Yo Dawg: "We've done this show for 11 seasons. Consistency is key. You're flawless, it was perfect. Yo, Jimmy, Diddy, Tommy, that was perfection." Me: "Clearly, I missed whatever they heard."

Colton doesn't want to cut his hair. Oh, and supposedly he's a Christian. Although he hasn't mentioned it one time the entire time he's been here. He's singing "Piano Man" and he's playing piano. On a Billy Joel song. I'll hand it to him, he's brave. He's even playing a red piano. It would be good if his voice did not squeak like he's 14-15ish. His piano playing is far greater than his voice. And that key change was unnecessary. That was about a 3.5 out of 5. Jenny from the Block: "I had goosies from head to toe. Diddy....I was gonna say Puffy....Diddy gave you the best compliment when he said he would buy that record." Steven Tyler: "Your chords were stellar." Randy Yo Dawg: "I'm so glad you said you want to be an individual. Cause you don't look anything like any other artist that has hair in your face and wearing all kinds of crazy coats and scarves." Ryan asks him what he was thinking beforehand. Colton says he was praying and wants God to shine first and foremost. Admirable, but I still question the authenticity. I mean really, this comes on the heels of that article saying that AI was telling Colton to "tone down" his Christianity that I, for one, knew nothing about. Whatever.

Bottom three should be: Heejun, DeAndre, and probably Erika. I HOPE DeAndre goes home. But it will probably be Erika. The girls are dropping like flies around here.


Results:

Jenny from the Block had a bottle of Pepto poured on her. Bummer for her, but I bet she smells delightful.

Random thought: I wonder if the people in the audience know how silly they look when they're cheering. Probably not.

Group Performance: "The Longest Time." Casey Abrams is in the audience. So is Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory, apparently. Weird. Also, the choreography they make these people do is aw-to-the-fulllll. That was cheese-tastic.

Jenny from the Block has a new show which is Spanish. Well, the title is, anyway.

Ford Commercial. 4 people fit in that vase? Lies.

Tonight's remaining contestants move into a mansion. Fun.

Hollie, Elise, and Skylar are up.

Jimmy says Hollie is not Billy Joel and that was her worst night of the competition.

Jimmy says Skylar needs to be more creative and she is starting to stall.

Jimmy says Elise was awesome and he got goosies, whatever those are.

All three should be safe.

Hollie is safe.

Skylar is safe.

Elise is safe.

Boo-to-the-yah.

Steven Tyler turned 250 years old. Not really. But Joe Perry came and played Happy Birthday on the guitar, while the contestants, and Liv (Steven's daughter sang).

Jimmy says DeAndre is annoying and needs to quit jumping. Seriously, that's what he said.

Jimmy says Joshua didn't understand the song and he oversang. Disagree.

Jimmy says Jessica got A's across the board.

Jessica and Joshua should be safe.

Jessica is safe. Billy Joel called and said he enjoyed it. Cool-io.

Joshua is safe. Hallelujah....Amen....

DeAndre goes to the Tool Stools. Bottom 3.

Haylie Reinhard....20 beats in and we have a poo squat. Nope, nothing's changed. Except apparently she performs behind bars now. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!! Paul just said, whoever put her in that cage forgot to put the blanket over her and shut her up. And THAT's why I love my husband so much.

Steak-ummmmmmmms look nasty.

Erika, Heejun, Phillip, and Colton are up.

Phillip and Colton are probably safe.

Jimmy says Colton did a great job, which Billy Joel also said via e-mail. I wish Billy Joel would e-mail me. Also, he thinks Colton is the 3rd horse behind Jessica and Joshua.

Jimmy says Phillip thinks collaboration is bad and he thinks Phillip should take as much advice as he can. Disagree. Leave Phillip alone.

Jimmy says Erika deserves to be at the top of the batch. He also thinks Randy Yo Dawg is a little bit confused with his "should" quote.

Jimmy says Heejun was disrespectful and he will get bitten in the butt. He also thinks it was a stunt gone wrong. Jimmy said they won't spend a lot of money on someone that acts like that.

Colton is safe. He has tiny legs.

Erika is in the bottom three.

Phillip is safe.

Heejun is in the bottom three.

We're getting closer to getting DeAndre out, which is awesome.

DeAndre is safe. Blast and a half.

Heejun is safe.

STUpid.

Erika has to sing for her life. They should save her. They really, really should.

They did not.

Dumb.

I seriously can't stand the Scotty McReery song they play at the end.