"I like my music with...life."

Can I ask what I think is a pretty obvious question? Why are we always traveling in semis to our new audition cities? We can't fly there? Sigh.

They're in Chicago today. Home of Kanye West and Jennifer Hudson. Jennifer Hudson is the only one I would mention. Kanye is a punk.

Australian(?) Steve is telling us all about the show again. He must think we have a very, very short attention sp...what was that?

Oh, ok this is new info. After these auditions, they will all go to bootcamp and THEN be broken down into the 4 groups.

Brock and Makenna sing together. Brock is 18. Makenna is 22. They have been best friends for a long time. Something tells me Brock would like to be more than friends. Yup, I was right. Oh, that's sad. Brock thinks Makenna doesn't know that he loves her. I think if he didn't stare at her like a creeper it would be less obvious. They're singing Zac Brown. Makenna looks like Amy Poehler doing a bad impression of some kind on SNL. It's ok harmony-wise. BUT they were off-tempo. I think Paul and I have a hearing problem because everyone else thinks they were awesome. Sigh. They're through to the Contestant Corral.

Side-note: Bonnie Lass Cheryl is filling in for Miss Kitty.

Kim is going to "sing" Katy Perry's "Firework." Her version is worse than the original. And I really hate the original.

Tim has never auditioned in his life. He thinks he should sing "Kiss from a Rose." Simon disagrees. Simon was right.

Robin Renee Royal is 45 and is dressed like....well...she's not dressed like a 45 year old should dress. And she sounds like....well....I just don't know.

Montage of terrible.

HAHA! Charlesia wants to be an additional judge. She literally just auditioned to be a judge by telling the judges what she thinks about Britney Spears. She does not find her entertaining, let's leave it at that.

Skylar is 16. He wants to sing country music. He's unique because he's African American and wants to sing country. That actually is unique. He wants to help his Momma. He's sweet. He's wicked nervous. His track just stopped, but he kept right on singing. This kid is awesome. And look at his sweet smile! They love him. He's through to the Corral.

Mark is a grad student at a "school in Europe" studying philosophy. Both sides of his brain work simultaneously. Uh, yeah. He doesn't want to be a cookie cutter artist. Then he should probably not audition for these kinds of shows. He's very awkward. He is going to be at the helms of a renaissance in 10 years time. Uh....

Paula: "So Mark, what are you going to sing?"
Mark: "Uh, Radiohead's "Creep.""
Paula: "Oh...fitting."
Me: "LOL!!!"

He's dancing. This is not terrible. I can't believe I even said that. Paula tells him he's in another jurisdiction and that she has visited there once or twice. Which Simon finds extremely amusing. Paula, L.A. and Bonnie Lass put him through to the Corral. He'll never survive boot camp.

Paula's followers have all come out to play. And Paula has been sipping the Crazy Cup again, it appears.

Arin Ray is a'ight for me, for you. Sorry I have to pepper them in every once in a while.

Josh Crajcik (actual spelling) is a Momma's boy and he smells like Mexican food. His Mom is a crazy person. Literally. He is going to sing "At Last." I've already heard good things about him, so I have high expectations. This usually ends disappointingly for me.




Except for now. He is the equivalent to Casey Abrams. Only, possibly better. Simon was pleasantly surprised. Uh, yeah. Me too. He's obviously through to the Corral. We will have the opportunity to vote for him. Assuming we will have the opportunity to vote ever...I should really research how this works. On an unrelated note, I may not be able to tolerate his mother.

We've moved to a new city. Seattle. Paula pinched her arm in a bracelet. Oh Paula.

The Good Girls are auditioning. They're Mother and daughter. It's not looking promising. They're actually really bad. Simon thinks it's not serious. Miss Kitty (who is back) likes her music with life, and that was lifeless. Best. Line. Of. The. Night.

Drew is a girl. And she loves Justin Bieber. Shock. She's 15. She wants to sing with The Bieb. She is 14. She is going to sing "Baby" by Justin Bieber. She does many poo squats. And she has knobby knees. This is more enjoyable than the original, for sure. She's probably through to the Corral. Yup. I mean, it was fine. But I'm not sure we need to put all our eggs in that basket, knowwhatImean?

Some group gets "Girls, I don't love you"- from Miss Kitty. rawr.

Peter has dwarf parents. That's so interesting to me. Genetics are weird. He's 6 feet tall and his Mom is 4 feet tall. His Dad is the second tallest dwarf in the world. I don't really understand that, but ok. He's 21 but he wants to be a teen heartthrob. Simon and L.A. find him hilarious. He is singing "Billionaire" but he's changing the lyrics. It was just ok. The singing was bad, but he was charming. It's a no. He has to continue being a tall person in a dwarf family.

4 Sure is a group. They want to get 18 Grammys. They are going to sing "End of the Road" by Boyz II Men. L.A. Reid apparently wrote this song. He looks concerned at this choice. He looks less concerned now. Since they're AWESOME and all. Dude. They're awesome. L.A. was having a little moment right there at his table. They're going to the Corral.

Elaine Gibbs is a good old school soul singer. And she's a Grandma. I enjoy her. She's going to the Corral.

Francesca Duncan is 17. She sings "Hero" a la Mariah. And it's decent. She is going to the Corral. I don't expect to see her again.

A couple other people who are varying degrees of acceptably talented who evidently make it to the Corral. Including a man named Tiger. Not that one.

Philip is a waiter. And he's a hipster. Which is irritating. He's singing Frank Sinatra and he's trying tooooooooo hard. He drives me crazy. Crazy I tell you. Which of course means he'll make it through to not only the Corral but also to the portion where we may or may not vote. Simon tells him there's an issue with his voice when he pushes. Um, yeah, it's terrible. They are putting him through because he's entertaining.

Which brings me to my biggest complaint about this show. This is less about a singing competition and more about the "entertainment" of the person. So terrible singers are getting put through because they're "interesting" or "entertaining." Boo.

Apparently, Paula and Miss Kitty are accused of not putting girls in just because they are girls. Well, that's better than Simon and L.A. putting girls in just because they are girls. Pia....

The best one is some girl that sings something not so great and Simon tells her he imagines that's what Nicole would have sounded like if she had been 20 auditioning for the show. Nicole tells him that she DID audition for a show when she was 20 and she sang "I Will Always Love You." Then she sings it. And it's amazing. Miss Kitty can sing. The contestant is not amused.

Tia Tolliver is 19 and has bright red lips. She has trouble staying on key. She did it a cappella. Simon is going to fight for her. The girls don't like her. Simon is really mad. Paula is mad too. Simon says, "If you can't see this, you're deaf." Uh, Simon, you have your senses mixed up. It's tied, Simon throws a cup, and L.A. tells her she needs to sing again to try and get another yes. Yes, this is dramatic, but I think it's actually legit. She sings "It Don't Mean a Thing," except she thinks it's "it don't mean a thing if it ain't got that sing." Simon is wrong about this girl. I feel like I'm committing treason. She eventually convinces Miss Kitty to switch to yes. Something about steel in her eyes.

Tomorrow is the last of the auditions. That's strange. Auditions don't take 4 months to get through? Score one for X Factor.