First off, people are already saying that X Factor is no different than American Idol. I agree that it's the same basic premise, but to say that it's no different than American Idol seems a little premature. I just don't think you can make that kind of judgment based on one episode.
The host named Steve that I still know nothing about is telling us, again, what the show is for, what the prize is, and who the judges are.
They are in Miami for these auditions.
Ashley Sansone is irritating. She is unemployed. So are most people in America. She inspires herself. And she talks a lot. A LOT. And she cannot sing. No wonder she is an unemployed starving artist. She's crazy. L.A. Reid wanted to slit his wrists when she sang. Simon couldn't understand her, even though he's English. It's a no for the contestant corral.
Chanel Simone Dixon thinks she might be Lady Gaga. She's terrible. And she demands that the judges explain themselves when they tell her no.
Kanan Road is a group of 3 cowboys. They had better harmonies than that stupid boy band they put through yesterday. But they're still not great. And it's a no.
The Dreamgirlz are a Mother and daughter. One of their family members is having a very visceral reaction to the fact that they are not put through. He's embarrassing their family. As if the Dreamgirlz themselves did not do that.
Simon is doing Verizon commercials? He may be a sell-out.
Marissa Hopson sings, "like a 3 year old with a cold"- Simon Cowell. He is accurate.
Gloria Estefan is here for some reason. "Come on, shake your body baby, do that ConGAH!"
Caitlynn Curtis is 16 and I'm going to go out on a limb and say she likes the color yellow. She's going to sing "Firework." This is the best version I've heard of this. But her facial expressions are very over the top. She has a good voice, but her facial expressions are seriously offputting. Miss Kitty says she has room to grow. Simon tells her to find other people to sing with so she doesn't have to rely on a fantastic vocal. Caitlynn is crying. She's doing the ugly cry. And for some reason they're playing T Swift "White Horse." Paula is hugging her. Which I'm sure will be seen as too dramatic or resembling WWF somehow.... ;) You know what I kind of miss? I kind of miss the suspense that the contestants family feels when the people audition on Idol. Cause they can't see their family member and then they come out with or without the yellow ticket.
Simon is very upset at how terrible this day has been. He's taking a break.
Nick Voss had an accident with his razor on the right side of his head and his right eyebrow. It's unfortunate.
Peppered into Nick's story we have the judges talking about how if there is no talent coming in, they are concerned about the success of the show. Don't worry about it, Idol has had that problem for a couple years and they managed to get nominated for an Emmy. Ohhhhh.....Burrrrrrn!!!!
Back to Nick. He's been doing this since he was 5. He's going to sing Elvis Presley. Oh, I see, he wants to be an Elvis impersonator. The audience appears to not be hearing what I am hearing. They are freaking out. He's really not good. Please, Simon, tell him it was karaoke. Please, please, please. Sidebar: Nick's Mom is strange. L.A. tells him that since it's about entertainment, he's good. If it was just singing, he's not so good. Miss Kitty thinks he's Jim Carrey/Jerry Lee Lewis/Elvis. Paula tells him to lose the Michael Jackson choreography and work on his vocals. Simon loves him. Simon has been invaded by aliens. I don't know if I can watch this. He's going to the corral.
Ashley Deckert is up. She is a ghosthunter. So there you go. Simon is questioning her about seeing ghosts. Paula claims she sees ghosts too. No, Paula, you see the effects of whatever is in that magical crazy cup you've got there. This is why I love you. Miss Kitty looks very upset about the whole ghost situation. L.A. Reid says no. They all say no. She is now going to send ghosts/demons to torment the judges by presenting terrible auditioners.
For the record, yes, this is cheesy. But really, Idol had those moments too in the auditions all. the. time.
Miss Kitty is seriously freaked out by the ghost thing. Still.
Marivana Escuvo is an ex-music teacher. And she is very strange. She sings "Summertime" and at first I thought she said "the leaving is easy." In retrospect though, she has a Russian-esque accent and that's just her pronunciation. Glad I didn't say anyth....oh. Anyway, she's through to the contestant corral. She'll be fun.
2Squar'd is a group. They're the first group I've semi-enjoyed. Paul X'ed them. Very loudly. They're through.
Kendra Williams has a very good voice. She's through.
These auditions are moving fast.
Brendan O'Hara is single, which Miss Kitty makes sure to find out. He's a music instructor. He's through.
Jeremiah is a male soprano. One of 7 in the world. I'm going to say that number is wrong. His voice is fine, but he kind of irritates me. Not enough to reach the status of a certain Idol contestant who shall remain nameless but screamed a lot last season, but still.
Melanie wants to only sing and never talk. That would be fun. She's very good. I like her a lot. It's a very rich tone and she has really great control. Her family is sweet. L.A. is FEELIN' it! Wow, she is amazing. Seriously, amazing. I hope Pia is watching this, because that's how you sing a ballad, with a large note and stay on pitch. Oh, and she didn't land any planes. I'm just sayin'. By far, 1000% better than Pia ever was. She's through to the corral. I'm going to even say that she is going to the live round. I'm not really sure how the whole thing works, but I predict we will have the chance to vote for her.
Dallas! Ohmyheavenlyday, Steve! You don't need to tell us the rundown on the show at every new audition city. We're semi-intelligent. We can remember what you said 30 minutes ago.
Johnny Rogers has dumb hair, which he thinks looks great. It looks like he has a fan blowing his hair forward 100% of the time. Where have I seen that hair....? Oh wait, the Biebs. He even has dance moves. Oh no, he's terrible. The judges say he's entertaining, but they say it in such a way that it's more like, "Oh, that was so silly, and sweet, but no." So The Biebs is out. Oh, if only that was true.
Miss Kitty has started talking like a Texan and apparently that's a bad thing? I disagree.
Dylan lives in the boondocks. He sold his truck. And he just wants to progress in music. Oh no. He's Scotty McReery. Please no. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Oh. No. So he's obviously there on a dare. And before we decide that he's WWF-esque, let's just go ahead and say that this is not any different than the crazy-cakes contestants on Idol.
Uh. The wheelchair bound kid from Glee is up and walking around doing a Pepsi commercial. IT'S A MIRACLE!!!!
Montage of Terrible.
Dexter Heygood (sp?) is wearing platform heels. He's a combo of Mick Jagger, James Brown, and Elvis Presley. He better hope he's good. He has a sweet denim jacket, though. He was in a band in the 80's. No. Simon finally says karaoke. L.A. Reid agrees. Paula basically says the same thing. Simon wants him to sing something else. His a cappella is much better than his "Sex Machine" song earlier. Once again, Simon is correct. He's through to the corral.
Kyle Corr, Hannah Jackson, Ma'At Bingham, Austin Simmons all made it.
Caitlyn Koch is a rugby coach. That's an odd profession. She's going to sing "Stop, in the name of loooooove." I don't know if I like her voice or not. I sort of do. I do enjoy the arrangement of this song. She's through to the corral. L.A. Reid really likes her a lot. Miss Kitty wants to work with her. Paula uses a lot of words. Simon says no more rugby.
Xander is extremely arrogant. Also, his actual name is Alexander but he refuses to be called Alexander. So, I'm going to call him Alexander. He is Obnoxious. Calling Simon Simone, threatening to take him outside. Not only is he Obnoxious, he's Terrible. Simon likes him? Huh? The world is ending. Paula says he's her hero. Miss Kitty tells him to lose the attitude. It's a nopeity nope, because L.A. and Paula said no. Paula Abdul, unlikely voice of reason.
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