ANNNNNNND....We're Live!

Live show! Live show! Live show!

Seriously, Ryan Seacrest stole this guy's hair. By the way, that guy is my brother. He's a broadcaster. Someone should hire him.

American Idol has a new home. It's a fancy arena thing complete with cheesy game show music.

The guys are up tonight. The girls are up tomorrow. Thursday we get down to the top 13.

Randy Jackson has KILLER lapels. Jenny from the Block has pretty hair. Steven Tyler killed a zebra for his jacket.

Here are the Top 12 guys. Reed, Adam, DeAndre, Colton, Jeremy, Aaron, Chase, Philip, Jebeneiber, Heejun, and Joshua. They refuse to tell us who the 13th person will be. Gah!

Reed is up first. He is from Wisconsin. He apparently cares for his nieces. That's nice. Reed will be singing "Moves Like Jagger" which is probably one of the dumbest songs ever. Sorry Adam Levine. I will say I kind of enjoy this arrangement. Also, he busts out the drum kit, which is nice. Oh, he dropped his pack! But did not let it throw him or turn into a diva about it. I enjoyed that. It was probably an 8.5/10 for me for you. Randy Yo Dawg: "Yo, I'm glad we had someone like you to jump off season one one. You had some Sheila E on the timbalis and you sounded like Casey from last season." Namedrop: 2 Jenny from the Block: "Everyone is so familiar with that song, the pop version, it was good to show some variety." Steven Tyler: "I love your voice you can do anything with it." You know what I DON'T like about Reed? I don't like that he is so over the top with his facial expressions. It's unsettling.

Adam Brock is up next. He is a jack of all trades master of none. He has a large black woman trapped in his body. He should get that checked out. He is going to sing "Think." Usually a bad idea to sing a girl song....This is really copycat. It's just kind of boring for me for you. Also, he reminds me of my drama teacher my Freshman year of high school. I was not a fan. Of the drama teacher. I'm hoping Adam will stick around to the top 13, but he will need to show some originality. Steven Tyler: "I'm going to talk instead of letting Jennifer from the Block speak since I'm already wasted." Jenny from the Block: "I liked the end. It was great." Randy Yo Dawg: "I like that you have the throwback vibe. Is that a Pittsburgh Steelers towel?" Me: "Throwback vibe is just another way of saying copycat. And Steelers??? Adam is shunned. SHUN ON!"

DeAndre Makemesick is up next. His sister has his hair. When they hug it's like a crazy birds nest. Paul thinks DeAndre Makemesick looks like Michael Bolton. And he loves Michael Bolton. That was sarcasm. DeAndre Makemesick is doing exactly what I thought he would do. Making me sick. The falsetto is really annoying as is his hair flippage. Oh good, he's going to be the one that screams his way into oblivion this season. Jenny from the Block: "Do I go first? I-" Steven Tyler: (interrupting) "I told you this was going to happen if you kept singing like that. Good for you man. Good for you. It was great." Jenny from the Block: "That's right. Everything you do is magical and amazing." Randy Yo Dawg: "We've been doing this show for 11 seasons. The falsetto is amazing and THEN you do the big chest note at the end and I was like Yo, this kid's got it all." Me:"And then I was like, YO, THE JUDGES ARE LISTENING TO SOMETHING TOTALLY DIFFERENT THAN I AM!"

Colton Dixon is obsessed with his sister. It's strange. Also, he has dumb hair. He's going to shock us. He's singing a song I've never heard. In the promo package he said, "People are used to seeing me at a piano and uh, I think I'm going to shock a few people." I even went back and rewatched it, yo. And then, lo and behold, HE'S AT A PIANO! I'm shocked. Flabbergasted. Amazed, really. That was also sarcasm. They should really clean that piano. It has scuff marks and fingerprints all over it. Now he's standing up. Is that that shocking part? Now he's standing on the piano. That must be the shocking part. He keeps singing, "How did we get here?" My question? How did YOU get here? That was very emo and very Durbin-y. So I'm lovin' that. *sarcasm* Randy Yo Dawg: "You almost made it last year. I'm glad you're back. It's about time we had our own little indie-alt rocker singing Paramore. I love all the flavors." Me: "Taste the rainbow." Jenny from the Block: "I look forward to America really feeling your heart. You're a relevant artist. I hear you on the radio." Me: "He is? He sounds like everyone else." Steven Tyler: "We saw your true talent. Keep rocking it." Ryan: "Was that a risk for you?" Colton: "I'm never out from behind a piano, that's my home." Me: "Oh. Ok. Well then I guess that was shocking." Colton: "VINDICATIONNNNN!"

Jeremy Rosado is up next. I like this kid. He seems nice. He's singing a girl song, too! GAH! But at least it's Sara Bareilles. I love her. He likes to encourage others. He works at the front desk for an infectious diseases doctor's office. Gross. HA! The guy playing piano for him has the music on an iPad. That's awesome. He has a sweet tone to his voice. But he's a little flat in spots. Probably just nerves. That song never really hit the climactic moment. It just kind of fell flat for me for you. Steven Tyler: "You couldn't have picked a better song. It was just beautiful. You have a big heart. For that alone, you should be America's Idol." Jenny from the Block: "Jer-Bear! Some people are just blessed from God that when you open your mouth you affect people. When you open your mouth it's just music. The audience is going to see who you are." Randy Yo Dawg: "America, meet Jeremy. Jeremy, meet America. We got some sAngers on this show. I was so impressed with the big booming vocals. Dude, I love you man!" Why am I so underwhelmed??

Steven Tyler is officially high. Or intoxicated.

Aaron Marcellus teaches voice lessons and takes dance lessons. But he's a regular dude. Oh kay. In all reality, I do enjoy him. He's singing "Never Can Say Goodbye." So he's singing a goodbye song. That's a good move on week one. *sarcasm* Either I'm really tired or he is really sharp in his tone. Jenny from the Block is gettin' down with her bad self. I will say I enjoy this performance the most thus far. Even with the unnecessary scream at the end. He got a standing O from the judges. Randy Yo Dawg: "You're like a veteran walking around on the stage singing with ease. Great vocals." Jenny from the Block: "Randy said it before, boy can sang, that's the end of the story. But I'mma keep talking anyway because I like to hear myself talk." Steven Tyler: "We always talk about the whole package, that's what you had tonight." It was the best so far, but I don't know if I think it was fantastic.

Chase Likens is up next. He lives in an apartment. But he has horses. Where do they sleep?? He's singing a country song I've never heard by someone I've never heard of. So that will probably work out well. Jenny from the Block is chair dancing again. Why is this guy here? I mean it's fine. It's just mediocre and drab. There is nothing interesting about this performance. The judges all probably think he was amazing. Steven Tyler: "You look like Brendan Frasier. You're going to set a lot of hearts on fire, lots of Mommies at home." Me: "As a Mommy at home, I can say that this is false information." Jenny from the Block: "You're attractive...oh yeah and you sounded good." Randy Yo Dawg: "You have skills and range and you're handsome like me." Me: "Who cares what he looks like? Seriously."

Creighton Fraker is next. He was a preacher's kid. He didn't fit in there so he moved to New York. He's singing "True Colors." Girl song. Are there really no boy songs available? This is going to sound mean but he sounds exactly like Cyndi Lauper, who actually sings this song. Jenny from the Block: "That was so beautiful. I don't want you to go home. You showed dynamics. You're an individual." Steven Tyler: "Cyndi Lauper did a beautiful job of that. It was stupendous." Randy Yo Dawg: "Dude. You can definitely sing." Me: "Of course he can sing. At this point,they should all be able to "sing."" Ohhhh....Creighton's birth Dad is the 80's rocker. His bio Dad is a preacher. Or was a preacher. That explains a lot.

Phillip is next. I like him. He works at a pawn shop. Phillip doesn't want to be famous for fame he wants to be normal and to make great music. He is singing "In the Air Tonight," which I have never heard of. I like the tone of his voice. The rasp is really natural and pleasant. This competition is going to eat him up. This is pleasant enough, but he's obviously uncomfortable on stage. Jenny from the Block: "Last year we came back talking about Lauren Alaina and Scotty McReery. This year we were talking about Phillip Phillips." Me: "You were not talking about Scotty McReery. You were talking about James Durbin and you know it. Stop. Just stop." Steven Tyler: "You have an amazing talent." Randy Yo Dawg: "You know I wasn't jumping up and down about the reharm of that melody. You're so unique, you remind me of Dave Mathews." Me: "By definition, one cannot be both unique and remind you of someone else." Phillip Phillips Dad, Phillip Phillips is very proud of him. I would have voted for him if I had watched early enough.

Jebeneiber! He's a jokester. He goes to school and does chores. He's boring. He's singing "Set Fire to the Rain" which is an Adele song. Adele is a girl. But it's ok because Jebeneiber sounds kinda girly. Again, his voice sounds slightly under pitch. Maybe it's the sound? I don't know. But I don't enjoy this. Randy Yo Dawg: "You are so mad young. And so mad calm and cool and collected. It wasn't all perfect. There were some flat notes in the middle there." Me: "Ok. I'm not crazy." Jenny from the Block: "I felt the same way. But it impressed me that you held on." Steven Tyler: "You have a true, straight voice for someone so young. Listen to blues records." Jebeneiber's strategy is to take it one step at a time. What an intelligent strategy. Since there's not really another choice.

Heejun is up. I love Heejun. Heejun's Mom is adorable. I really like Heejun. He's singing "Angels." His voice is like velvet. That was a really good performance, actually. I would have voted for that. Jenny from the Block: "You're voice is smooth as silk. That song didn't show it off." Steven Tyler: "I don't think it was the right song but I still love your voice." Randy Yo Dawg: "I agree. You're mad talented." Me: "How was that not a good song choice? I thought it showed off his voice wonderfully. Stupid judges." Ryan and Heejun do the sweating bit again.

Joshua Ledet is up next. I'm so tired but I want to know who the 13th dude is. I like him. He is singing a song by Jennifer Hudson. I don't think anyone sang a boy song tonight. So dumb. His voice is fantastic. This performance is great. I really really like him. The judges do too. He's so understated. Randy Yo Dawg: "I love you. This is what singing is about. I love great voices." Jenny from the Block: "You are amazing. I don't know what to say to you. I want to punch you. Your voice is from God." Me: "What is your voice from Jenny from the Block?" Steven Tyler: "You are the voice the world has been waiting to hear. I could not believe where you went and came back again." It really was amazing.

The thirteenth dude is.......

Jermaine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE Jermaine!!!!!!!!!!!

He is going to sing "Dance with my Father." Classic Vandross. Good choice for him. Let's be real here, I really doubt Jermaine will win, just based simply on the fact that his voice is so specific that I don't see how he could have a lot of variety. For example, I don't see him being able to pull off a Beatles song let's say. Randy Yo Dawg: "That's why we wanted you on the show. You're so different and so unique." Me: "Uhhhh....when you eliminated him in the first place you said he was too unique Randy Yo Dawg. Which is it?" Jenny from the Block: "You have such a special spirit and such a special voice and I'm glad that America got to see you tonight." Steven Tyler: "Thank you for proving to us why we asked you to come back." Jermaine's Mom is very involved. Jermaine and his Mom are very attached.

Asterisks denote my top 5

Reed (guy with the drums)*
Adam (man with the black woman trapped inside)
DeAndre (boy with long hair)
Colton (boy that defiled the piano)
Jeremy (wild card selection) (nice kid)
Aaron (black kid with glasses)
Chase (country guy)
Creighton (Preacher's kid)*
Phillip (pawn shop)*
Jebeneiber (do you really need a descriptor for this one)
Heejun (Asian)*
Joshua (gospel guy)*
Jermaine (gentle giant)