Randy and Steven Tyler are singing (?) a song about their jobs while Steven Tyler shakes a rattle. They sound terrible.
Crazy weird American Idol theme song....and we're in Milwaukee. Oh! Danny Gokey is from here. Milwaukee just shot up in "coolness" points. Danny tells us that 2 years ago, he was trying out for American Idol and all his dreams have come true. Except that he didn't win, but whatevs.
Steven Tyler is throwing out some crazy already. Love it.
There are people from everywhere, including Garey, Indiana! Which reminds me of "The Music Man."
Scotty McCreery is from a small town and he plays baseball. I wish AI would stop going to people's hometowns for their audition package. Totally gives away that they make it in. He's excited to bring the golden ticket back to his hometown. He sings country music. Wow. He really does sing country music. He has a very deep voice and a very twangy voice. He's singing "Your Man" by Josh Turner. It feels a little bit contrived, and I'm quite impressed by the register. Smooth voice. He's singing Travis Tritt. Higher key= better. And Steven Tyler with his crazy strikes again. I can't repeat what he said. He's in. Surprise, surprise. I don't know that he'll make it through Hollywood week, but we shall see. Oh, and he's 16. They didn't repeat it 1,000 times or anything.
Joe Rupka is a student at University of Toledo and he's a communications major. So help me if that guy gets a job before this guy. He has this weird posturing thing he does when he says a radio station name. Ryan tells him he could potentially someday play his own song on the radio. *crickets*
He does his radio thing for the judges and they are not impressed. Joe admits he doesn't listen to Ryan Seacrest. Randy tells him he understands. If AI continues in this vein of harassing Ryan all the time, I'm in! Joe is going to sing "The Longest Time" by the one and only Billy Joel. I love me some Billy Joel. I have a feeling I am going to hate me some Joe Rupka doing Billy Joel. I'm correct. How do I describe this? He sort of sounds like Alvin (the chipmunk) in the beginning and then just plummets to completely tone deaf. Steven Tyler is doing the same thing I do when I have to listen to David Archuleta sing and closing his eyes. Sometimes that makes it less painful. Unfortunately, this is not one of those times. So Steven resorts to the next best thing and starts flailing wildly. All of this while Jenny from the block looks around, hoping this is a prank. Oh no, Jenny. We don't mess around here at American Idol. Steven Tyler is now howling like a dog and tells Joe not to quit his day job. Jenny from the block and Randy also tell him he should just DJ instead. At which point he sings a different song. They still say no. And he walks off with his sweet little granny. I assume it's his granny.
Oh awesome. A little child is auditioning. Emma is 15. She's singing "True Colors" by Cindy Lauper. She's a little on the hobo looking side. Cute hobo, but hobo nonetheless. Wow. I enjoy her voice. I like the raspiness, it's like the perfect imperfection. The judges think she has a special quality to her voice. Jenny from the block says no. Steven Tyler says yes. Randy has already said he doesn't know if she's ready. And she's crying. She just lost like 5,000 points. I mean, I want her to go through I think she's good...but not because she begged her way on. Randy caves. Stupid Randy. Stop crying, Emo Emma.
Montage of terrible/argumentative contestants.
Also a stalker who tries to drink Randy's coke. He says no.
Naima Adedapo works at a place called Summerfest. She's very intriguing looking. She wants this so she can provide for her family...unlike every other contestant who has ever auditioned. She is singing Donny Hathaway's "For All we Know." It's a nice voice. I don't enjoy her release at the end of her phrases, the whole "ah" at the end of her phrases...it's weird. The judges love her. She's in. She's crying.
Oh Mylanta, the commercials are killllllllllling me.
There's some strange thing happening with Jenny from the block and Ryan Seacrest. People are entertaining themselves in the holding room and some idiot does a handspring into a camera man's camera and face.
Auditions are not going well either.
ALTHOUGH....Jovan Raymond is singing "Jenny from the Block" TO Jenny from the Block. It's amazing and nightmare inducing all at the same time.
Chris Kammer is a dentist who wants to be a rapper. He fails.
Jerome Bell is an African American who sings at Bar Mitzvahs. I'm just sayin'. Jerome's mom says she only sings for little people. I'm assuming she means children, because it would just be too much to have one member of a family singing for Jewish adolescents and another member of the same family singing for "little people." Jerome is singing Marvin Gaye, "Let's Get it On." All together now....*CLICHE*
Nice voice, good register. Could do without the dance moves. Tempo was a little strange in the beginning. Also, I hope he does not sing this at Bar Mitzvahs. All three judges love him. He's in.
Oh snap, Jenny from the block has said "remember that name."
For some reason, we are now being subjected to watching Justin Bieber. I really just do not see the appeal. Can anyone explain it to me? Oh, it was because they wanted to explain that the age limit has been lowered to 15. Really, American Idol? Really? You hadn't told me that 1,465, 782 times. Thanks for the heads up. Gawrsh.
Thia Megia (love this name) is 15. She is apparently impatient as she refused to wait for auditions in CA and flew to WI when she found out she was allowed to audition. She's singing "Chasing Pavements" by Adele (whom I love). She changes the melody just enough that it rocks. She's a little loud. And has the potential to be annoying. Steven Tyler rambles and screams and the judges put her through.
And now, while Miss Swift's "Fifteen" plays, we're told that every 15 year old who auditioned, got a golden ticket. Oh awesome. Because American Idol has not already been infiltrated by teenage girls who vote incessantly with their tiny thumbs.
Nathaniel Jones is a Civil War soldier. Seriously. So obviously American Idol is right in line with the Civil War. He does Civil War reenacting. His Dad is Willie Nelson. And I literally just laughed out loud, alone in my house. Direct quote. Nathaniel: "People always ask me, is your dad a HIPPIE? Your Dad looks like a hippie. Is he a hippie? Does he smoke pot? *pause* No. Hippies believe in....sex. He's not a hippie. He hasn't gone anywhere, with anybody, since my mom left." I now feel a little bad for laughing at him. Only a little. He salutes the judges. He's singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight." Is that even the title of that song? I don't know. It's the one Timon and Pumbaa sing in my husband's favorite movie, "The Lion King." Steven Tyler provides some backup vocals. Suffice it to say, Nathaniel Jones is terrible. So terrible, in fact, that Randy pretends to drink Coke to keep from laughing. Steven Tyler is officially high. He says Nathaniel is outstanding. The other two say no, so he's out.
Mason Wilkinson yells at the ceiling and is told no.
Molly is annoying. She just graduated Harvard. She "randomly" applied for an internship at the White House. She got it. And she's platonically in love with this President. Randy punched her in the mouth on accident and she wants to whine about it. See? Annoying. She also has an annoying voice. She starts out all low and attempting to be seductive/sultry. Then she switches it up and goes higher. It's nicer higher, but I still find her annoying. Which of course means, she'll make it through Hollywood week. I do have a question, however. Is she going to quit her job at the White House? She's strange. She has no family. I'm perplexed by her. And annoyed.
Day 2, Wisconsin. Steven Tyler reminds me of Jack Sparrow. Random.
Oh Mylanta again. I love, love, love, love, love, love, Jenny from the blocks shirt. It has a treble clef on it. I need that shirt. Someone must find that for me.
Hayley Reinhardt reminds me entirely too much of Hayley Vaughn. So I hate her. She's singing and she's yelling and she's singing. It's not terrible. I just foresee her becoming the annoying little ditzy girl of the season.
Lebron James is auditioning. Because America isn't mad enough at him already. His new name is Tiwon Strong. And he's amazing. Turns out, Lebron James should quit playing basketball altogether and sing full time. Tiwon's family is celebrating and one of them gets a Charlie Horse which she needs to tell everyone over and over.
Steve Beghun is a CPA, so he has no friends. His words, not mine. He goes into the audition room and pulls the door twice before RyRy says "push it." Steve turns to camera and goes: "That's awkward." It's those little moments that make Idol so golden. I have no idea what song this is. I love it. Steven Tyler tells him that he's disturbingly great. He's in. He's the Taylor Hicks of this season.
Vernika Patterson. She's singing "Loving You." And she takes criticism super well. Oh. This is too good. J-lo (the other name is too long) stops her and tells her the song is beautiful but it's not gonna work. Vernika insists she could sing another song with no problem. Steven Tyler tells her she's just not ready. Vernika insists 1/2 of these people in here can't sing so she's not even upset. And then proceeds to claim that she's not being put through because she's not skinny. Awk. Ward. Randy proceeds to point to OTHER WINNERS AND EXPLAIN THAT THEY WEREN'T ALL SKINNY!!!!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS!!?? So she leaves and refuses to speak to Ryan.
Wow. Angry people.
Albert Rogers III thinks he is Barack Obama. He impersonates him, with the ridiculous pauses and everything. He's singing "Stand by Me." Why aren't they stopping him? Seriously. They finally stop him and he's surprised. Steven Tyler thinks he's vanilla fudge. They all say no.
Scott Dangerfield. He should be a superhero with that name. Steven Tyler is obsessed with lips.
Scott is singing Amos Lee, "Dreamin." Lovely. Strange hand gestures are distracting. J-Lo just said he was her favorite she's seen so far. They all say yes. He's awesome. He's making it.
Oh. Kay. Now. Is this really necessary? The Packers have no place in American Idol. Isn't it enough that we have to put up with them in the Super Bowl? Which, by the way, is just a battle between two terrible teams, in the Biggest Stadium in the World? So anyway, people in WI love the Packers. And Willie Nelson the non-hippie likes the Milwaukee Braves. Yeah, he's not a pot-smoking hippie at all...
Megan Frazier loves the Green Bay Packers. She also is going to sing Justin Bieber, "Baby." It is physically impossible for me to hate any one individual more than I hate her. She's singing it operatically. Why? She is trying to sell her operatic-ness. And I'm pleased to announce that she did not succeed. She's annoying.
Allie wants to bring Rock n Roll to American Idol. No one has ever done that. David Cook, no. Alison Iraheta, no. Adam Lambert in his own special way, no. Nope. Rock and roll has never been done on American Idol. She loves Steven Tyler. Steven Tyler thinks she could be one of his "friends." She's singing "Come Together", Beatles. Ok. I sit corrected. She's decent. She's singing "Dream On" in front of Steven Tyler. Steven Tyler tells her she's pitchy. Randy says no. J-Lo says yes. Steven Tyler is the decider. She's in. She's going to do well.
Chris Medina is next. Oh goodness. He and his fiance have been engaged for 2 years. They had decided they would get married 2 years after he proposed. But she was in a terrible accident and had a traumatic brain injury. She was in a coma and the doctors said she would not wake up. She did, but she has a significant amount of trouble with everyday functioning. He said 2 months prior to the accident he was writing vows about "through thick and thin, in sickness and in health" and what kind of guy would he be if he walked away now. He wants to do this so that she has something to be happy about. She's waiting for him outside. Oh, wow. Such a sad story. He's singing "Break Even" by the Script. I. LOVE. THIS. He's amazing. Can we please end the competition right now? Because that guy DESERVES to win. The judges ask to meet Julie and he bring her in. They shake her hand and Steven Tyler tells her Chris sings so well because he sings for her. He's in. I would vote for him now if I could.
Tomorrow night: Nashville.
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